Coffee-and-Donut Morning

Coffee and donut in the morning, and my life is complete. Not even fancy coffee and donut, mind you. Just a regular office coffee and cream in a cardboard cup, and 10 for $1 glazed donut holes. Yet as I sipped the coffee and nibble on the donuts, my life feels complete. 

But my life has no right to feel complete. I have no right to be content. The climate change shows us its horrible mean face, with freak weather everywhere and the casualties it caused. We are depleting our natural resources. Our earth is more polluted than ever. Human greed overrules the earth with the rich getting richer and the poor getting fucked all over. Violence and hate are everywhere, permeating our daily lives and infests, rot our brain senselessly. We look at each other and see enemies. We look at ourselves and see enemies.

If that is not enough, apparently in US we have a president who is hell bent to do everything wrong, as well as people who are hell bent in thinking the president will be hell-bent to do everything wrong, depends on how you view it. This division is nothing new, really. In Indonesia, the same thing happens, and I believe also in every part of the world. Division is the new 'it' girl. In a time where uncertainties are ripe and every man is for himself, division provides a foothold for these confused souls, for us. At least we believe in something, at least we hold on to something, and God forbid what we believe is wrong.

Yet the coffee tasted sweet in my mouth, and the warmth of it spread all over my body. I grinned happily when my coworker told me my ham and cheese biscuit pinwheels tasted amazing. The sky is clear blue and the chilly air that bit me is a welcome torture on my round cheeks and puny nose. I remember the golden ray of sun hitting off the freeway ramp, and the streak pink of dawn behind Los Angeles' skyscraper. The book I've been reading is amazing. And so does the flirts, the pranks, the way I laughed and twirled at a swing dance party with abandoned care. Is life really that bad?

Maybe it is time we look and reconsider our priority. No, don't stop fighting for a cause that you believe, especially not if you think it could better the world. But do stop and smell the coffee. Stop and appreciate what we have in our hands. The mornings and evenings, the breath we inhale and exhale, the humans we meet, the pretty sight around us, the warm we have against the cold, look around you and find something you are grateful for. Humor yourself if necessary, be sarcastic and laugh at the world if you can't find anything nice to be grateful for. See the world in technicolor instead of gloomy black and white.

Some people are in pain, and when you are in pain it is very hard to see anything else past your pain. Same goes with fear and insecurities; after all, survival is any living thing's basic instinct. Yet they debilitate us, cloud our judgments and hinder our movements. The instinct to recoil from danger or eliminating one to ensure our survival oftentimes do not provide the best measure. Short-term fix (i.e. knee-jerk reaction) cannot be compared with long-term fix (i.e. thoughtful actions). There will be times when we need to be calm and think while considering the big picture, before deciding which action to take. 

The calm is in us. It is always inside us. When the holy books talked about heaven on earth, they talked about the peace in our heart. Strife and friction will always happen; after all, we are human with our own ego and needs and wants. The dream to have everybody hand in hand in harmony, laughing charmingly with the air filled with birdsongs and sweet flower scent is hilarious. Yet we can respect others, we can respect ourselves. We can create a world where each man and woman knows his/her own boundaries and act accordingly. We can find peace. To some it'll be only an extent or another form of truce, to others it could be the actual goal. Yet the result is the same: No conflict = peace.

What better way, nay, what other ways to do this but to seek the peace and calm within ourselves? To acknowledge and be pacified with the beauty and fortune we have around us? Look no further to start fixing the world. You don't want to fix something you don't love. You can't live a life tainted with hate and still have an innocent soul, still found peace within you. Life sucks, but there are other things in this life that are worth living for, worth fighting for. When you are at peace you can think; and when you can think, you can find solutions, or better, find hope.

Rumors are flying high and I am scared shitless. As an immigrant woman of color who has no backup here in US, everything seemed to be stacked high against me. But I refuse to cower in fear, I refuse to be lost in dread. The sun will still shine the morrow. I will find a way to smile and laugh, one way or another. Faith is my shield and hope is my sword, and I will slay the dragons of uncertainties that barred my way. The taste of the sweet hazelnut coffee still lingers on my tongue, and I can see the reflection of myself smile absent-mindedly on the computer screen as I wrote this article. Life is fine. Life is fun. Life is… fulfilling.