Swipe Right

The realization somewhat came as a shock to me. The men I swiped right on the dating app did not swipe back at me. 

Honestly, I am not even mad. I noticed I have my own preferences, and therefore it is not fair to be angry at people who have their own preferences. So what if they don't like me because of my skin color or my body type or how I look? Did I not do the same? 

I know how easily this could go wrong for many people. The doubt that starts to set in, the questions in our head. "Why am I not good enough?" "Maybe I should tweak my profile to be more enticing." "Maybe I should post better pictures. Leg pictures. My legs are gorgeous."

And then comes the anger and frustration. Rejection after rejection, days or months of feeling unseen. We start to get bitter. We are angry for those who passed us by. It feels we are standing in a giant hall and repeatedly passed on to play for the teams. We are the 6s and 7s, the average C team that is not even good enough for the average B team. 

For men, it's convoluted with bots and prostitutes. For women, an endless array of f- boys. I am not sure how it is with LGBTQ+, but I am guessing the same. It feels we are panning for gold in a dead mine, with absolutely no reason to believe this will work except for our dumb blind hope.

But what are we really hoping for? A happily ever after? A 'Eureka!' moment? Our last 'first date'? Or are we just trying to find some sort of acceptance in this miserable world? A person to share a bite or a drink with, even when we know we will never see them again after? A warm bed and body heat on our skin even if only for a mere hour or less?

The world is cold and lonely. It is also very confusing and tiring. Here's to us finding that one person to share our umbrella with. Here's to us finding that safe space where we could put our guards down and relax. Here's to us exploding in tiny joy over fun experiences and warm smile. Even for a brief second.

This world of online dating is an uncharted territory, filled with menace and dangers. It's also filled with treasures untold, even those who are merely passing by. Isn't this exciting?