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Wednesday, March 28, 2012

So What's Next?

Exactly one month ago today I decided to follow my whim and decided to take a 2 days adventure to Jakarta. Eat a lot, talk a lot, wandered a lot, those were my 2 days adventure plan. Little that I know that God decided to extend that adventure to an unknown period and to a much higher level. I fell in love.

It does sound like a plot from a cheap Hollywood flick or a lousy paperback novel, doesn't it? A man meet an exotic island girl, they fall in love at the first sight, and live happily ever after. You can insert jealous lover, doomsday thingy, or even alien attack to spice up the plot, all happened within a 48 hours time frame and voila, an instant box office or a B-type movies at the very least. If it were made into a book it can either get into bestselling list or become a book that was so bad you will never admit you read it. However it's real life, and things can be stranger than fiction. There definitely won't be any "happily ever after in the ending" because baby, things are just getting started. And Love just have no ending.

Thus my (or should I say our) new adventure started, in a 24 hours fast food joint in Jakarta (move over Elizabeth Gilbert, this is "tha new thang"!). Love to some would be as beautiful and as romantic as a picnic in the prairie during the spring bloom, it would be as devastating as joining a free-style boxing club (and even with the same physical effect) for others, or even as fancy as showing off your new Louboutin. To us, it's a river rafting adventure. Neck-breaking speed, plenty of combined efforts, everyone got dirty and wet, totally fun and richly rewarding. There will be time when all we can do is focus on how to overcome and get safely passed through a dangerous rapid as a team, but there will be time when all is calm and we get to marveled on how beautiful the nature is and how lovely it is just to be together. And then another rapid will ensue and so on, all that brings us even closer to each other. An adventure of a life time.

If you are somewhat inspired with what I wrote, don't. I wouldn't sanely suggest falling in love and be committed with a man or a woman you known and met just for 48 hours without thinking straight. First because Hollywood celebs been doing that for years and it hardly works. Second because it would be like advising someone to do a rope-less bungee jump or a shark-swimming experience: can be fatal and somewhat useless. What I do suggest is to open your mind and embark in your own adventure.

Too often we become a victim of the rules that society have build for us in the name of protection: be wary, thread your way carefully, patience is a virtue, and all that jazz. They can very much protect you indeed, but they can also rob you of what the world can offer, what life can offer. We are too busy becoming a prominent adult (with all the complications that follow) we sometimes forget how liberating it is to be a child: to do things simply because you are curious, and to do it (and liking it!) without any restraint from the society (children are pure enough to know none). Yes, one would argue because children don't know what's best for them. Well, do you [know]? It's not a matter of know or do not know, it's simply because children are more open to pain, they believe it wont last. And the fact is, it wont. Pain can't stay forever unless you nurture them, and time heals what reason cannot. It's like taking a plunge in an icy cold water: it's painfully cold, but the cold will ebbed away and you'd be so proud of yourself for daring to take the plunge. Congratulations, you've just experience life.

That night in Jakarta, as I look into his eyes and his into mine we put all reasons and notes of wisdom aside, and we found faith in each other. We decided to take the plunge, or the raft to be exact. And the trip has been both life changing for me and no less than wonderful: the childlike wonder prevail, and the adult perseverance keep us in track. One day when we finally hit our goal, finally arrive in our destination, we'd be walking hand in hand, all dirty and drenching wet and aching from the excursion. We'd smile and look into each other and say, "So what's next?". Life is too grand for just one adventure.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

I'm Sorry Lover. I Cheat

Dear Lover,
I cheat today. Forgive me.

I knew I should've stay away. I knew I should've walk away. I knew they can be my demise the moment I set my eyes on them. But I cant help myself, cant control myself.

It was their colorful appearance, the proud way they carry themselves, the way they brag themselves. Their wittiness enthralled me, and the proud me become a helpless victim of their charm, eyeing them with pleasure and excitement. What do they feel like, I wonder. My curiosity is piqued. I said to myself: I just want to know, just to know a little bit more. Which is a lie and I know it.

When I put my fingers on one of them the ecstacy rush through me. As I craddle them one by one in my hands, feeling every nook and cranny of their smooth flawless body with my finger I become intoxicated. I want them. Every one of them. They promise me wonders of the world, adventures and daring feat, romance and knowledge. Things that I might not be able to do in my lifetime, even with a wonderful lover like you. At the moment the world cease to exist, and I walk in a living dream.

I desire them, my love. As heinous as it may sound, I want them to accompany me in my life, accompany us in fact. In those long lonely nights, in that bright sunny days, I want to be with them, or at least one of them. But not as your rival, darling. We'll enjoy their taste, their smell, the pleasure they have to offer together, can't we?

The sound of the phone wake me up. I spend too much time already, you'll be worried. I have to go back to you. I'm sorry I forgot about you and give myself to them, even if it's only for a short time. Yet such a splendid time it is! But i'm sorry, and I promise that I'll never go book-viewing at bookstores again. Well, at least not today.

-Confession of a bibliophile-

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Beautiful in White

"Not sure if you know this
But when we first met
I got so nervous
I couldn't speak
In that very moment I found the one and
My life had found it's missing piece
So as long as I live I love you
will heaven hold you
You look so beautiful in white
And from now to my very last breath
This day I'll cherish
You look so beautiful in white
What we have is timeless
My love is endless
And with this scream I say to the world
You're my every reason
You're all that I believe in
with all my heart I mean every word
So as long as I live I love you
will heaven hold you
You look so beautiful in white
And from now to my very last breath
This day I'll cherish
You look so beautiful in white
Oooooh oh
Na na na na na
SO beautiful in white
And if our daughter's what our future holds
I hope she has you're eyes
finds love like you and I did
Yeah, I wish she falls in love
and I will let her go
I'll walk her down the aisle
She'll look so beautiful in white.....
You look so beautiful
In white
So as long as I live I love you
will heaven hold you
You look so beautiful in white
And from now to my very last breath
This day I'll cherish
You look so beautiful in white
You look so beautiful in white tonight"

Yes, I'm in love. Got a problem with that? ;)

Wear 'Em Like (a) Diamond

"Do I love you because you're wonderful, or are you wonderful because I love you?"
- Rodger and Hammerstein's Cinderella

A friend of mine came to me the other day, happily told me how his new girl been "wearing him like a diamond". Meaning she was just so radiantly enjoying his company and has been proudly showing him off to everyone. Good for him I say, but as usual it made my mind tickle: is he or is he not a diamond? Was he that good that the girl thinks highly of him or did the girl thinks he's super special (whatever the truth is) thus made him a diamond in effect?

To be fair I would think that diamond or not diamond, it was the wearer that will determined the effect. (I know you'll read this dude, rest assure that I think you're super too. So read on lol)

As brilliantly showed by Joshua Bell and Washington Post, not many people can appreciate beauty if taken outside the context. An expensive piece of art placed in your local cafeteria without any brands or expensive tag will not be looked upon, on the contrary a child's scribble being framed and hung in a well-known museum will definitely earn accreditation. And when almost nobody took a second glance of Joshua Bell in the subway, can we really be sure that the crooner on the expensive stage really is as good as he/she was marketed? In the current civilization things need context to structure them, to give value. A diamond will not shine as bright if the wearer is ignorant of its value.

It does sound rather shallow and stupid, doesn't it? Because here's the joke: Beauty is everywhere. And everything is priceless.

When you see an item, it is impossible to fully comprehend the value and beauty of it, since we can only focus to certain characteristics and not the whole meaning of the item as it will take years of research and fruitless brooding. An bouquet of daisies can intrigued the biologist for its species and shape, the philosopher for its significance in life, and a girl simply because it looks so pretty. It is even more so when we're talking about human, since humans are like many-faceted diamonds that will shine differently if shone by a certain light or simply looked from a different angle.

A tour from my Facebook timeline will show (to most people) a motley assembly of friends: the narcissistic, the almost Buddha-ist, the boring family man, the geek, and so on. Not too interesting perhaps, especially since almost none of them showed, ah, the "real bling". However, a closer look of their education/work tells a different story: a doctor and clinic owner, a bank portfolio manager, a financial consultant, master degree in Psychiatry, scholarship graduates from Tokyo University (and German and Singapore and Italy), the list goes on forever.

These are, of course, more than enough reason for me to flaunt my friends like they're diamonds. I have not one or two amazing friends, I have the whole league of them. But this is not what makes me so proud of them.

In that timeline I see someone that is so adapt in material engineering she actually thinking (jokingly she claimed) to send David Guetta her big book of material strength because "Titanium is NOT the strongest metal as he claimed in his song!"; I see a man so dedicated to his family yet still willingly spend time as my personal IT consultant (most of my wealthy clients don't even have one!); I see a girl that dressed and think beautifully (and it's no mean feat); I see people that loves me no matter how broke, how devastated, and how less-pretty I might have been. For these reasons I'll proudly wear them like diamonds and other precious jewels. And I know they feel the same way about me.

I know, I know. It's just words, right? But think about it. What if, what if you can spot the beauty and appreciate the value in every single thing in life? In your friends, in your work, in yourself? What if you can do that? Then you'll be so proud with what you have, so satisfied and feels so complete, it was as if you are graced and decorated with all the precious materials of earth. And the effect will be just as wonderful to the people (or things) around you, because once you appreciate someone/something you have given them self confidence and pride. In the end, everybody happy.

It's all up to you. You can strut blindly as if in fake gold rolexes, or you can stop and appreciate the beauty and proudly show it off like you're covered in diamonds and jewels. An easy choice, I'd say. Me? I'm simply richer than King Solomon's wife. My loved ones ensure that ;)

Sunday, March 4, 2012

What I Do (and Lets Get Married) Means

I like you, I like you a lot
It’s not that I don’t love you, because I’m really in love with you right now
But I know that even if the madness ebbed away,
I’ll still enjoy your company for years to come
Even when we got too old to really discern each other (darn cataracts!)
I feel comfortable being with you, waking up beside you, no matter what my look is
And I don’t mind being with you either, and will accept your quirkiness just as you accept mine
I trust you and I don’t have to lie to you, and neither will you
(White lies, especially for surprise party is tolerable. I think)
Your good genes will ensure perfect child(ren)
And your patience makes you the perfect dad
You also firmly believe that I’ll be the perfect mother for your child(ren), genetically and mentally
And between ourselves (and our kids),
Between our anger and frustration and defeat,
One of us will have the coolness to say, “Stop. Let’s not continue for now”
And embrace each other till we’re cool enough to discuss
Even without any child(ren) life will be undeniably tough
But we will always ride through the storm, because we believe in each other
When one down, the other will pick him/her up
For wings need to be a pair in order to fly
Time may come when one of us felt we don’t need each other
Time may come when one of us felt we don’t trust each other
But back to each other arms’ we flew,
Openly discussed our anguish and fear to look for solution
For that is what commitment is all about
And when we grew old with wrinkles and such
We’ll still sleeping in each other’s arms,
You’ll still kiss my forehead every morning and smile, “Good morning sunshine”
I’ll still kiss your cheek and smile, “Good morning angel”
And felt so fortunate that we have each other

This is not a dream or a wishful thinking
This is what I know what happen when I say “I Do” to you
(And what you believe will happen when you ask me to “Let’s get married”)
These are strong beliefs, and both you and I wouldn’t say “I do” if we don’t believe it
You and I know the heavy consequences for your request for marriage
You and I know the heavy consequences for me accepting it
So yes,
I do.
With all my heart.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Time of My Life - A Survivor's Note

"I've been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something I could believe in

And looking for that magic rainbow

On the horizon, I couldn't see it"

We'll never know how toxic something is until we break free from it, or until we die from it.

It felt like an eternal winter for me: The forever bleak surrounding with occasional torrent rain and wind that howls through the dead trees. This is what my mental state is. But I am not unique. I believe anyone with a broken relationship walks (and trapped) in this forsaken state for a certain period of time. Some stayed forever.

The toll? Death of the soul. Got so used with unhappiness that they just stay there, unable to wake up and live their life, and watch helplessly as their world crumbles apart. I got trapped for so long that I no longer care whether I wake up or not the next morning; and I was forced to see my work, which I'm fiercely proud of, slowly destroyed due to my inability to focus, to wake up. I could've stayed like this forever (and forever actually means whatever short time I have left thanks to my reckless behaviour), but God intervene.

What we need to understand is each person has different strength and different burden. It is impossible to generalize and say: "it's just a guy/girl, get over it!". For some cases it probably is, just a hapless hopeless puppy love. Yet look deeply, observe closely, watch carefully. Your friend may have won the ticket to The Wood of Eternal Winter when you shrugged your shoulder and say, "She/he'll get over it.". And on the contrary, your stretched hands and open arms might save them from that wretched fate. You could be God's intervention, you could be their ticket out.

Yet in some cases, we sunk too deep to even notice our friends' effort to help us, or that future and sunny world outside that bleak woods do exist. I could've stayed there forever, if He didnt send someone that shatter my world. But He did, He send me someone that in an unthinkable way shook me out and show me my true worth. Yet I can choose. I can close my senses and reject it, stayed in my eternal winter forever, because another winter after the sun will be too much to bear; or I can accept my golden ticket and hope there will be no more winter. I choose to accept it.

There are so many people trapped in depression, in their own eternal winter. Maybe you or your loved ones are among them. And if not, maybe you can be their ticket out. Of course, it will be up to them to use their ticket out or not; but at least you have given them the chance. And maybe one day, the wood of eternal winter will lay abandoned, as all people happily gathered in the land of eternal sunshine. One day, some day.

"Until I let go, gave in to love
Watched all the bitterness burn
Now I'm coming alive, body and soul
Feeling my world start to turn

And I'll taste every moment and live it out loud
I know this is the time, this is the time to be
More than a name or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time, this is the time of my life
The time of my life"

The Time of My Life - David Cook

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