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Monday, March 5, 2018

Let's Talk About Sex

I once dated a guy who insisted that I have had sex with two guys at the same time. I remember it hurt me so bad and I was trying to convince him I was not that kind of girl.

Looking back, he should've been proud if it was true. I mean, if I can get double the pleasure but I am still loyal to his dick, doesn't it say something about his sexual prowess?

The same guy, after a bitter break up, was accusing me of sleeping with all of my [new] boyfriend's friends. Which is a lot. I cried in humiliation that time, because it was not true.

Now I see it differently. Hey, at least one of us got laid. And again, if he can make me loyal to him despite all the men I could have f*cked, doesn't it say something about himself?

I wish I can tell you that this guy is a hardcore conservative Southeast Asian man with obvious patriarchy and self-confidence issue, but nope. He's your regular white American Joe.

Which shows that derogatory link between women and sex is not confined only to remote conservative area of the world. Like stupidity and ignorance, it's everywhere.

Another guy once told me that in the wake of sexual accusations, it is important that men played it safe and not making any move unless the women initiate it.

Great logic, but how do you describe 'initiate'? Is it by a play of words? Touches? How we dressed or where we take this guy? How, precisely, can we give consent?

For instance, me being flirtatious is not a sign of consent. My social media presence is filled with innuendos and lewd jokes, for fuck's sake. That's how I roll. That's who I am.

Neither should I be considered 'inviting' if I wore a skimpy dress at the club, because believe me, it can get extremely hot and suffocating there.

The easiest, I guess, is for either party to ask or to state their opinion. "Are you comfortable with this?" "Are you ok moving forward?" "Can we have sex?". You get the drift.

But we are terrified with rejection, and sometimes saying yes or no is a burden of its own. It's easier to walk the fine grey line and not committed to anything.

For women, especially, sometimes asking for sex feels dirty, feels desperate. We want to be desired, and not beg for it. We also don't want to be seen as a horny slut.

But sex is fun. Period. If such intimacy is what women want, then we should be allowed to expressed it without fear of being judged. It takes balls, but vaginas can take better pounding than balls, anyway.

Breaking the derogatory link between women and sex is a path to sexual equality, and thus, much better [sexual] experience all around. Safer too, as consent will be more open.

Women shouldn't be [made] ashamed if they want sex, or loving it just as much as men do. Ladies, there is nothing wrong with enjoying ourselves. It's damn sexy, as a matter of fact.

The guy who insulted me clearly didn't think that way. But as with any low self-confidence d-bag out there, it is not my task to stroke his ego and soothe his self-confidence. I, of course, could be stroking something else.

It's 2018. It's high time we start to vocalize our thoughts. The worse we can get is a rejection. Embarassing? Yes. End of the world? No. We can do this. Let's stop guessing around.

And nope. Not gonna feel bad about my sexual appetite. Why should I? Sex is like dancing, it's much more enjoyable when both parties are having fun. So yeah, time to have fun.

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