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Sunday, March 11, 2018

Insecurity



Sometimes I want to be somebody else

A little skinnier, perhaps
Less pudgy fat and ugly rolls
Tummy that doesn't bulge
Thigh without stretchmarks

A little smoother, perhaps
Manicured hand and pedicured feet
Skin soft like silk and all aglow
Smell that rivals a thousand roses

A little prettier, perhaps
Perfect complexion and flawless skin
Makeup as beautiful as painting
Smile that launched a thousand ships

But why do I need to change?
Isn't my laughter contagious?
Don't I bring the summer with me?
Am I not making people happy?

Why wouldn't it be enough,
I thought defiantly
Enough that I care, Enough that I love
Enough that I am what I am

[But that's not why you don't change,
Said a gentle voice in me
You don't change not because of love
You don't change because of fear]

[A skin care or workout routine is nothing
Not to a strong mind like yours
An all-in body treatment is affordable
You are smart enough to find a way]

[But rejection is a different matter
When you have done so much
Yet the perfect you still got rejected
That is a heavier burden to bear]

[So why change? Why go extra?
At least you have excuse if rejected
"It's my physique, it's how I look"
Instead of admitting it is you, all along]

[Chin up, girl, because you are perfect
Bees attracted to different flowers
That doesn't mean any of the flowers
are less beautiful or imperfect]

[Change if you must, if you want
But do it for yourself and your growth
Do it for the sake of achievement
But not for chasing "Happily ever after"]

As usual my conscience is right
To the right person I'm alright
But what am I to me?
Have I really accept myself?

If I want to change myself I could
I just need to stop being scared
It is ok if people rejected me
It is not for them anyway, but for me

That "somebody else" will still be me
Different look or style or attitude
Yet the same person inside
Merely experimenting with life

Now wouldn't that be fun and exciting?

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