I am that kid in school that jokes around and said I haven't study for the test, and still aced it. The one that you secretly loath because I am 'so lucky', but I am actually just better at studying without showing it off.
My joke about being broke? Not really. I am series 6 (securities) licensed. There aren't that many of us in the US. Combined with the fact that I manage to walk out of my marriage and survive on my own in the US after working for barely a year, and yes, I am quite capable of handling my finance.
Me posting about splurges and 'regrettable purchases'? Not really. Each is calculated carefully and in no way I ended up on things that I will absolutely regret, or ending up having to stuck paying for it bitterly for years to come.
Even in morality, when I know for certain I look questionable with all my sexual openness, I held it pretty high. There is a reason why I am still on good term with my exes, and despite whatever I posted, there really are only a handful of them.
Why am I damaging myself with such a portrayal? I could portray myself as the perfect Stepford wife, an elegant demure lady who people can run to or at least be proud to be friend with. No. I am portraying myself as the mistress from hell who are lewd and crass and dangerous. Why?
Maybe because it's fun. Maybe because meek people got trampled instead. Maybe because I will leave a stronger impression when being dominant. Maybe because I want to ensure those who stick with me accept me and love me for who I am, and not for what I could be for them.
A part of me thinks I really should change. Maybe I'll get more clients, more friends if I am more approachable. A part of me resist those urges. I like who I am, and it's honestly too rewarding to see the sheer shock on someone's face when they realize I am better than what I choose to show to the world.
Come sit with me and talk about your woes, your finances, your hopes and dreams. Tell me things that you won't, or can't, tell anyone else. I won't judge because I know how it feels to be judged. I am here to empower and nurture, not to bash and attack.
Because life is lonely, and façade are not easy to keep. Because it gets tiring to hide who we are in order to be socially accepted in society. So come and sit with me for a bit. Let your own self shine and love that version of you. I am not as bad as I like to portray myself, and who knows, maybe you are too.
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