Aftermath

Sometimes days are good. Sometimes days are bad.

Sometimes days are hungry days. You craved the connection. You wanted a connection. You desired the intimacy. You cried inside a bit, then cussed a lot because how dare that person conditioned you to have so much love to give only to leave you dry. It doesn't matter. You are hungry still.

Sometimes days are scary days. You questioned yourself because DUMB@SS FAILED YET AGAIN. You keep yourself in check, question every little message you send to your friends because you are worried it sounded too demanding. It is not their responsibility to calm the fear in you. You need to stop being so clingy ffs.

Sometimes days are happy days. You play games and go adventuring. You ate food with your friends and laugh together. They caressed your hair. They laughed at your silly joke and gossip about the latest Stardew games. They give you the longest hug and you can see it in their eyes that they will never, ever abandon you.

And you keep telling yourself this too will pass. You let the fear speak loudly while you listen close. You hold yourself tight because that is the ultimate self-care. You are not weak for feeling hurt. You are not broken for breaking it off. You are not soft for working on this continuously.

There is no deadline in grief. It's not a sign of weakness. It's not a sign of how much better the other person was or how much you lose in the aftermath. Sometimes it takes months, years, for us to be honest to ourselves. Yet only then the healing can truly begin.

And you know what helps? Living. Staying alive. One board game at a time. One food adventure at a time. One smile after another. Chuckles and teases and a million laughter. One day you can trust again. One day you can believe in happily ever after again. Until then, just keep going. 

Even in the aftermath, the world is beautiful. The colors never fade. The beautiful hearts remain precious. The love you receive and give to the world remain abundant. Acceptance is a journey. A new beginning is a journey. Keep moving, love. You got this.