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Monday, September 21, 2009

Love and Other Disaster

I just read a bridal magazine a few minutes ago, and got rather overwhelmed with it. The magazine is filled with fancy details which we hardly need and I positively snuff during my relationship period (yet secretly longing for it and will perhaps beg and try my best to get it), which of course, exactly what good bridal magazine do for you. Yet during this post break-up period, the longing hit me like a tidal wave. Yes, the ring, the gown, the dinner setting, even the fancy cocktail (which, as Balinese, i wouldn't need anyway LOL).

It takes me quite a while to realize that i don't want any of those actually. what i really yearn for is someone to plan those stupid helpless pathetic stuff with me. And even if he doesn't care about that, I still need him to tell me that he doesn't care. Oh Hell, i need a husband to-be :D. And a damn good one :))

Although books and doctors and psychologists and Agatha Christie (mm, she's not in the league, but I love her :p) stated that humans are so predictable and they never change, I found that it is not entirely true. Some people change, some people don't. Especially in relationship (any relationship be it friendship, working, whatever!) when one of you do change, adjustment will be needed and if you can't fine-tune the relationship and adjust each other it will simply go BOOM. I lost more friends that way :( Being in wedding industry, I know that couples do separate from each other. A marriage can last 5 year or more, but also a year or less. Really encouraging, ha? Makes you think twice to get a life-long partner, yet I want it anyway.

I guess the puzzle piece theory is right. You'll need the right puzzle piece (a.k.a husband, work, etc) to completed the jigsaw (a.k.a. your life). Yet if you decided to change into a different jigsaw, your pieces may not fit the game anymore. It's either back to the old game, or start completing the jigsaw from scratch (which you may unable to find ALL the pieces). I stupidly (some say) choose from scratch. I know that I may not be able to completed this new game, but at least I know that now everyone have a fair chance to complete their jigsaw and be happy, because I have change and I can't go back.

"Will I change again? Can I find someone that willing to make the adjustment together? Can it last?" So many negatives thinking twirls in my head and the bridal magazine only emphasize my fear and longing (lesson of the day: stay AWAY from bride magz during post-breakup period lol). Yet with all the gloomy prediction, I'm still hoping I can completed my Jigsaw. I might be lucky enough to find that last piece of jigsaw, I might be fortunate enough to make this game as my last game, I might be blessed enough to have a happily ever-after story. Who knows? Love can be a real disaster in your life, all those pain, longing, tears, and inefficient time spend for it. But you know what? Disasters, like other things in life, can have happy endings, and I'm gonna find mine. With luck, i might even find someone that will listen to my whim for a white floating wedding gown (hardly, especially if he's Balinese hehehehe). Wish me luck, fellas!

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