Dear Indra

I never told you I love you. 

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. As always, I took for granted that you knew. I also took for granted that you will be there forever. There will be time to say goodbye, I thought. There will be time to prepare myself. But there never was. And the text messages that I've never sent, the statuses that I've never comment on, all of those will remain unsent and unread. Will it be less painful if I could say goodbye to you? Will it be less sad if I could be with you till the end, even if it's only in prayer? Who knows. It might just be as sad, now that I know I can never return to you.

That's the thing though. I have always return to you. Life is easy when you have someone on your back. Life is less complicated when you know you will never be alone. It's like riding a bike with training wheels, you can go as fast as you want without worrying that you might fall. That's what friends are for. They're the candles and the matches that you keep in your drawer, hidden from sight but gave you a sense of calmness when there is a blackout. They're the small change that you hid in the deepest part of your wallet, a safeguard for when the rainy (read: broke) days come. And you, I have always return to you in my days of despair. 

You're funny, you're nice, you're dedicated and professional. I know everyone has said this about you. But you are also kind, full of dreams, and believe in other people's positive trait. You don't judge. You made me believe in myself. You encouraged me to be active and take the first step to my (now) happily-ever-after. And then you made me feel like I actually deserved it. You can easily be that jealous or cynical friend, but no, you are not and I can't ever see you like that. That is just not you. 

Maybe if I told you more that I love you, you would stay a little longer. Maybe if I told you how precious you are, you would still be here for a little while. But maybe you are just tired and wanted to rest, and it is perfectly fine. I know you know how much I care about you. I know you know how sorry I am for not being able to be with you in your last moment. You have always prayed for me, for my happiness; now let me pray for you. I love you my dear friend. Thank you for giving me the honor to be a part of your life. Rest in Peace.