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Saturday, March 3, 2012

The Time of My Life - A Survivor's Note

"I've been waiting for my dreams
To turn into something I could believe in

And looking for that magic rainbow

On the horizon, I couldn't see it"

We'll never know how toxic something is until we break free from it, or until we die from it.

It felt like an eternal winter for me: The forever bleak surrounding with occasional torrent rain and wind that howls through the dead trees. This is what my mental state is. But I am not unique. I believe anyone with a broken relationship walks (and trapped) in this forsaken state for a certain period of time. Some stayed forever.

The toll? Death of the soul. Got so used with unhappiness that they just stay there, unable to wake up and live their life, and watch helplessly as their world crumbles apart. I got trapped for so long that I no longer care whether I wake up or not the next morning; and I was forced to see my work, which I'm fiercely proud of, slowly destroyed due to my inability to focus, to wake up. I could've stayed like this forever (and forever actually means whatever short time I have left thanks to my reckless behaviour), but God intervene.

What we need to understand is each person has different strength and different burden. It is impossible to generalize and say: "it's just a guy/girl, get over it!". For some cases it probably is, just a hapless hopeless puppy love. Yet look deeply, observe closely, watch carefully. Your friend may have won the ticket to The Wood of Eternal Winter when you shrugged your shoulder and say, "She/he'll get over it.". And on the contrary, your stretched hands and open arms might save them from that wretched fate. You could be God's intervention, you could be their ticket out.

Yet in some cases, we sunk too deep to even notice our friends' effort to help us, or that future and sunny world outside that bleak woods do exist. I could've stayed there forever, if He didnt send someone that shatter my world. But He did, He send me someone that in an unthinkable way shook me out and show me my true worth. Yet I can choose. I can close my senses and reject it, stayed in my eternal winter forever, because another winter after the sun will be too much to bear; or I can accept my golden ticket and hope there will be no more winter. I choose to accept it.

There are so many people trapped in depression, in their own eternal winter. Maybe you or your loved ones are among them. And if not, maybe you can be their ticket out. Of course, it will be up to them to use their ticket out or not; but at least you have given them the chance. And maybe one day, the wood of eternal winter will lay abandoned, as all people happily gathered in the land of eternal sunshine. One day, some day.

"Until I let go, gave in to love
Watched all the bitterness burn
Now I'm coming alive, body and soul
Feeling my world start to turn

And I'll taste every moment and live it out loud
I know this is the time, this is the time to be
More than a name or a face in the crowd
I know this is the time, this is the time of my life
The time of my life"

The Time of My Life - David Cook

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