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Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Human Again

This afternoon I felt loved and cared about. I felt like I am a princess and my knights in shining armors come to rescue me. Well, they are giving me tax advices. If you live in US it's the same thing, really. Nevertheless, I can't help feeling "Wow". I mean, just wow.

Amidst the fear and anger and ignorance swirling around us these days, it's easy to forget and be thankful for what we have. Negative feelings sway us more than positive ones, that much is true. Fear and anger clouded our judgment, blinded us. Keeping hope in this condition is as easy as keeping yourself dry amidst the California storms: it just doesn't seem to work. To be honest, reading through my Facebook page sounds like people are screaming "Apocalypse's here!!!"

And you know what? Let it come. I have grown so weary of all the ignorance and baseless anger and hatred. I have grown so disgusted with egoism and the "Me, me, me!" attitude. I have grown so sick with the "I'm right and you are wrong" acts. The world is bursting on its seams, barriers and borders became less and less meaningful, yet we seemed to see the world even more narrow-minded than before. No more days of wonder. And how could be when we opt to see what we want to see? When facts are mere decoration for clickbait articles and us masturbating to our own ego?

With every click and share I've seen people turned into this hideous monster that glee itself with fear and anger and vileness it consumed, and in turn, regurgitate them back to the realm, making the realm filthier than before. I have my foot in US and my root in Indonesia, both countries churned out the same monsters. I have no doubt other countries have the same issue as well. The loudest of all are the ones with bad news, and they are the ones who then cause bigger panic. And oftentimes it's not even based on facts. It would take about 5-10 min to Google the facts and make an educated decision to read only from official accounts. Not that many people bother to do so. We're in a moshing pit, ladies and gents, let's rumble.

Then why are we even bother to be here? If every good thought, every good advice, every call for peace fall on deaf ear, why don't we just let ourselves drowned in the negativity? Let's face it, we're all going to die anyway. The world is crumbling. Climate change is on us and by God does Nature lashed back. Darkness is descending. If this is a Peter Jackson movie this will be like the last 1/3-1/4 of the movie where the climax promisingly hung in the air, only to be continued in the next installment. If everyone is so intent on hate, let's give them a show they won't forget. What else do we have to lose?

The tax advices. Well, not so much as the tax advice as the genuine concern and caring behind the advice. The feeling that you are safe, that somebody got your back. The feeling that you actually meant something to somebody, that you are not just a face in the crowd. Life's simple pleasure that we could lose forever in our blindness. The break of dawn. The big full moon. Kisses and hugs. Laughter and smiles. The taste of chocolate. The savory roast meat. The sweet fruit juice that dripped on your chin when you took a bite of a piece of fresh fruit. Saying "Good night" to somebody. Saying "Take care". Saying "I love you" over and over and over again.

When everybody is so intent on the immigration ban and restrictions, about the pipeline that goes through Native American's land, I can't help but ask: what will happen afterward? How can we possibly make them human again? I thought about the middle-eastern immigrants that are already here. I thought about the undocumented farm workers laboring under the sun.  I thought about the notorious food desert around the Reservations. Trump's executive orders bring out the ugly truth: there are so many people out there that need help. Not just legal assistance or basic necessities like food and shelter, but also love. Also acceptance.

You might argue that bringing the refugees to safety (a.k.a US soil) is the priority. That ensuring the illegal immigrants are humanely protected is the priority. That the rights of Native Americans and the safety of environment is the priority. They are. But so does their feelings. They are more than just the current hot topic. Be honest and look ahead in 5 more years, nay, 5 more months, and see if you still care. See if you still championed refugee's rights or will you championed another hot topic. Once the refugee settled here, they'll need help to adapt. Once the undocumented immigrant is protected, they'll need help to become legal. Once the pipeline is stopped, they'll need help to educate their people. Will you be there for them?

This is not to say that you shouldn't care for them. On the contrary, this is a very good opportunity to understand dafuq is wrong with this world and try to fix it. Feeling safe is one of the most basic human rights, and so does acceptance. What can we do to provide this for our fellow human around the world? They are more than just 'refugees'. They are the foreign faces you might see in your neighborhood, that look so out of place and timid. They are more than just 'undocumented immigrants'. They are the mamas with their babies and the hardworking people whom you see come home at night. They are more than just 'Native Americans'. There are many of them in the reservations where fresh healthy food is scarce and the bottle is a form of entertainment. What can, what will you do for them?

Or, to be even more basic: what have you done to the world. Protesting is fine and dandy, but have you smiled today? Have you look at someone less fortunate than you and think, "I'll probably gonna buy her a cup of coffee"? Have you chat and smile with your parking attendance, with your cashier or bag boys, or with anybody else along the day? Have you said sorry and thank you to your customer service because you know she/he's only there to take the rant and what actually happened to your package is not their fault? Have you helped somebody with bus route or destination? Have you, in short, make somebody feel human again?

The love, caring, and protection I have made me human. And it feels good. It feels so damn good. Where before I lost myself in the swirling maddening negativity, I suddenly can see and found myself again. It was wonderful. It was victorious. It was nothing less than anybody deserve. And I want to share it with the world. I want to make everyone feel human again. I want people to know they are safe, they are loved, they are cared for. This is but a wishful thinking, as the world is big and I am just a person. But I can do that to others near me. And other people can do that to others near them. Wouldn't it be an awesome chain reaction? When acceptance and kindness are the norms, there is no room for anger and hatred.

My refugee siblings, my undocumented immigrant friends, my Native American family, you are in my thoughts and I strive for a better world for all of you. For all of us. The road is long and treacherous, but with every smile and every acceptance we set the brick to make a strong establishment, the true people's power. We need more than just superficial heart melt or knee-jerk reaction, we need dedication and a big heart to boost. We'll get there though, we'll get there. Those who are hungry and weak, the tired and the poor, the huddled masses yearning to breathe free, and the wretched refuse, wait for us. We'll be there for you. You are not alone. You are human too. We'll be there.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Hey, I Love You

Hey World, I love you
With all your misery and imperfection
With all the unspeakable things that happen
With every broken stuff that you have

I love you

You are good to me, and beautiful too
You are a reason to live, a reason to laugh
And if you get a little negative now and then, it's ok
I love you now, I'll love you no less

Hey Life, I love you
With all your trials and tribulations
With all your effort to crushed me
With every wrong you did just to challenge me

I love you

You made me stronger, wiser, faster
You made me a better person than I was before
And if you are a bitch one time or the other, it's ok
I love you now, I'll love you no less

Hey human, I love you
With all your stupid ego and selfish act
With all your tactless greed and thoughtless words
With every flaw one can easily possess

I love you

You are my reason to get up every morning
My reason to brace the day one more time
And if you are annoying MoFos here and there, it's ok
I love you now, I'll love you no less

For Love is all I can give
Faith and Hope are all that I have
A dumb insistence to see the beauty in everything
Even in the darkest, most foul side of matter

For smile is my only weapon
Peace of heart is my only shield
A stubborn conviction that all is and will be well
Even in the wrongest, most troublesome occurrence

Hey world, I love you
Hey life, I love you
Hey humans, I love you
And yes: Hey me, I love you

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Coffee-and-Donut Morning

Coffee and donut in the morning, and my life is complete. Not even fancy coffee and donut, mind you. Just a regular office coffee and cream in a cardboard cup, and 10 for $1 glazed donut holes. Yet as I sipped the coffee and nibble on the donuts, my life feels complete. 

But my life has no right to feel complete. I have no right to be content. The climate change shows us its horrible mean face, with freak weather everywhere and the casualties it caused. We are depleting our natural resources. Our earth is more polluted than ever. Human greed overrules the earth with the rich getting richer and the poor getting fucked all over. Violence and hate are everywhere, permeating our daily lives and infests, rot our brain senselessly. We look at each other and see enemies. We look at ourselves and see enemies.

If that is not enough, apparently in US we have a president who is hell bent to do everything wrong, as well as people who are hell bent in thinking the president will be hell-bent to do everything wrong, depends on how you view it. This division is nothing new, really. In Indonesia, the same thing happens, and I believe also in every part of the world. Division is the new 'it' girl. In a time where uncertainties are ripe and every man is for himself, division provides a foothold for these confused souls, for us. At least we believe in something, at least we hold on to something, and God forbid what we believe is wrong.

Yet the coffee tasted sweet in my mouth, and the warmth of it spread all over my body. I grinned happily when my coworker told me my ham and cheese biscuit pinwheels tasted amazing. The sky is clear blue and the chilly air that bit me is a welcome torture on my round cheeks and puny nose. I remember the golden ray of sun hitting off the freeway ramp, and the streak pink of dawn behind Los Angeles' skyscraper. The book I've been reading is amazing. And so does the flirts, the pranks, the way I laughed and twirled at a swing dance party with abandoned care. Is life really that bad?

Maybe it is time we look and reconsider our priority. No, don't stop fighting for a cause that you believe, especially not if you think it could better the world. But do stop and smell the coffee. Stop and appreciate what we have in our hands. The mornings and evenings, the breath we inhale and exhale, the humans we meet, the pretty sight around us, the warm we have against the cold, look around you and find something you are grateful for. Humor yourself if necessary, be sarcastic and laugh at the world if you can't find anything nice to be grateful for. See the world in technicolor instead of gloomy black and white.

Some people are in pain, and when you are in pain it is very hard to see anything else past your pain. Same goes with fear and insecurities; after all, survival is any living thing's basic instinct. Yet they debilitate us, cloud our judgments and hinder our movements. The instinct to recoil from danger or eliminating one to ensure our survival oftentimes do not provide the best measure. Short-term fix (i.e. knee-jerk reaction) cannot be compared with long-term fix (i.e. thoughtful actions). There will be times when we need to be calm and think while considering the big picture, before deciding which action to take. 

The calm is in us. It is always inside us. When the holy books talked about heaven on earth, they talked about the peace in our heart. Strife and friction will always happen; after all, we are human with our own ego and needs and wants. The dream to have everybody hand in hand in harmony, laughing charmingly with the air filled with birdsongs and sweet flower scent is hilarious. Yet we can respect others, we can respect ourselves. We can create a world where each man and woman knows his/her own boundaries and act accordingly. We can find peace. To some it'll be only an extent or another form of truce, to others it could be the actual goal. Yet the result is the same: No conflict = peace.

What better way, nay, what other ways to do this but to seek the peace and calm within ourselves? To acknowledge and be pacified with the beauty and fortune we have around us? Look no further to start fixing the world. You don't want to fix something you don't love. You can't live a life tainted with hate and still have an innocent soul, still found peace within you. Life sucks, but there are other things in this life that are worth living for, worth fighting for. When you are at peace you can think; and when you can think, you can find solutions, or better, find hope.

Rumors are flying high and I am scared shitless. As an immigrant woman of color who has no backup here in US, everything seemed to be stacked high against me. But I refuse to cower in fear, I refuse to be lost in dread. The sun will still shine the morrow. I will find a way to smile and laugh, one way or another. Faith is my shield and hope is my sword, and I will slay the dragons of uncertainties that barred my way. The taste of the sweet hazelnut coffee still lingers on my tongue, and I can see the reflection of myself smile absent-mindedly on the computer screen as I wrote this article. Life is fine. Life is fun. Life is… fulfilling.

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