I jokingly told my fiancé how hard domestic life is for a partnerless salary-woman and I need my house-husband back. He was not a house-husband and life was honestly not that bad.
The thing is, I would never have said those words before. Come rain or shine, I am dependable. People depend on me. I depend on me. Giving up control and letting people take care of me is...weird.
I have to say it's been great, though. The amount of physical and mental relief was amazing. The 25 minutes difference between when he picked me up from the train station vs when I walked home is a difference of HOURS of me staying up to do more things. This is just an example.
Yet if something went wrong, I know what people would say. "You shouldn't have depended on him that much." Or "You shouldn't have loved him that deeply."
These words were said to me in every relationship I failed at, romantic or friendship.
But why is it my responsibility, my fault when someone hurt me? Why do I have to pay for the moat and the spikes and the crocodiles in the moat? Why do I have to build the wall?
Due diligence must be taken, for sure. I need to be active in protecting myself. I need to be vigilant for red flags and shittiness all around. But I am not going to stop loving, nor condemning myself in a life of hermitage just because there are a-holes out there.
I have said this so many times and I will say it once more: Do not blame people for trusting. Do not blame people for loving. Blame the people who took advantage of that trust and love.
I refuse to live in a scary world because someone might stab me in the back. When someone betrays me after I love and trust them, it's a reflection of them and not myself.
Some people choose to be petty and miserable like that, but I'll skip it. This bunny is free.
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