Kept Woman

I am angry today. I had to do something I am scared of tomorrow, and it reminds me how alone I am.

My friend will take me there and wait for me. Others will pretty much be on standby should I need help. I am not alone.

But I can't hold them close until I fall asleep. I can't bring myself to bother them much because they have their own life and responsibilities. 

With that, the waves of "Why am I not good enough" came through. I am gorgeous. I f-ck well. I cook even better. I am caring. I am loving. I can be your queen or your whore, your saint or your troll, your knight or your damsel in distress.

Then why the F I am not good enough to be kept.

I know I just haven't met the right one. I know my standards. I know I am not the easiest to deal with. Right now I don't want to hear that. Right now I want to scream and yell and cuss. Right now I want to smash chinas and rip sheets.

Right now I want to cry on somebody's shoulder, being hugged and have my hair stroked gently until I fall asleep. I want to be told it will be ok. Right now I just want to have a love that's only for me.

Don't worry, I will smile again tomorrow. Let me have this anger today. I will be fine.