I Got Flowers

I got flowers. 

I literally sat here dumbfounded for 10 solid minutes reiterating it over and over again. I got flowers. 

It wasn't a birthday flower or sorry-I-fuck-up flower. I've had those before. I don't know why I got this one. My date just casually handed me those when he dropped me off after our dinner date.

And now I got flowers.

My best friend always told me that the men I met set the standard so low the bar is practically on the ground. My girls will exasperatedly say (again and again): "It's normal!!" when I told them a man was being nice to me.

So, umm, yeah. I might be overreacting right now. It's still amazing, though. I would buy flowers for my friends, just because. Or give away the ones I got to people on the bus. Their smile and astonishment were beautiful to behold.

And here I am, on their end. I got flowers.

Do I expect it? No. My life has been plentiful. My best friend spoils me like a princess. My girls are true "Ride or Die" squad. I have warm bed and full stomach. My family and friends are awesome. I can't ask for more.

Yet life will throw a curveball at you now and then. We know this. We dread this because it usually means bad. In my case, though, the curveball was an unexpected acknowledgement. "Here. You're ok."

I stopped writing to look at the flowers. I guess?

I have to fight off the voices in my head, each with their own version why I don't deserve it, or that it means nothing. I want to cave in because it is easier to crush your hope before someone else crushes it. It's easier to think I don't deserve to be happy before happiness is taken away from me.

I am not going to. Not this time. I deserve to be happy and I shouldn't be scare of it. Happiness is like the flowers, it will eventually died out yet the memories and the feelings linger. I am keeping those.

So, yay! I got flowers!