The Anatomy of Hate

"I'm sorry, what?" I said humbly and apologetically. The girl on the counter rolled her eyes and repeat herself with a very thick accent, "Chicharrones". I gritted my teeth silently in anger, roared furiously inside: "Learn f*cking English!!!"

It was shocking, even for me. I have lived in the neighborhood for almost 4 years. Bad English was to be expected and I was fine with that. Being an immigrant myself, the most I can do was sighed and brushed it off. Never the hostility.

What changed it was the conversation I had earlier that day with a friend, where they expressed their view towards people who don't speak good English. I sympathized with them and I unknowingly share, brew the hostility in me.

Of course, you need the seed of hate to grow hate. I hate lazy and entitled people. It's one thing for not able to master something, it's another thing for not even trying. This loathing transcribes across the board, i.e. I don't discriminate. I hate everyone equally.

But that little conversation shifted it. The frustration I feel towards the waitress at Juanita's easily and dangerously get attributed to race instead of the underlying premise of I hate people who're not even trying. All because of a conversation.

This is the anatomy of hate. We think hate is something ugly that we carry inside us, the gnarly evil creature who blinded us and actively attack others. We are so wrong. It is the little whispers among us, grew from fear, fueled by insecurity.

Are there people who actively hate? Of course. Some people, sadly, are like that. Trolls are a good example of this, leaving a maliciousness like a slime trail wherever they go. They feed on people to satisfy their dark, evil craving.

But just as only a very, very few people who actually enjoy murdering people, there are only a few people who are this hateful. The rest of the hate was silent. So silent, in fact, that we don't realize we committed hate, that it is inside us.

To break the circle, we need to be able to see what is it that we actually hate. What is it that triggers us. Why we don't like certain things to the point of being hostile about it. Remove all emotion, all justification, and see only the facts. 

Hate is hate, regardless of how it's masked. The snarls, the demeaning look, the hostility in the voice, the malicious words we choose, it's all the same. I can easily see it in people's face and attitude, and shamefully, also in mine.

There is no justification for hate, although there might be a reason for it, and usually, the reason is fear. Fear of different things. Fear for our safety. Fear of things we can't quite figure out. And yes, as I have well demonstrated, fear is contagious.

 

We should stop condemning people they are evil for hating things and start to try to understand the whys instead. Because division is what keeping the hate alive. Vice versa, we should stop justifying our hate under the pretense "They deserve it".

This doesn't mean people get a pass for hating things, or that we should go above and beyond to help people come out of their hate shell. You can't help someone who chooses not to be helped. It means don't hate the hater. Don't fall into the same hell hole they are in.

To say this is hard is an understatement. Hate can come so swiftly that it doesn't give you time to think your action. It's okay. You are not a bad person for that sudden lapse. Reel yourself in. Take a deep breath. You are better than the hate.

In the end, eliminating hate is a matter of empathy. It's a matter of how we can or willing to see through other's eyes. It's also a matter of how secure we are with ourselves, bracing ourselves to face things we are not comfortable with or things that are unknown to us.

It's too easy to put the blame on an entire group because of one's action. This is how hate works. Let's not do this. Let's see hate for what it is. Let's understand our hostility towards other people, why we do it and how to prevent it. Let's understand the anatomy of hate.