Jump On The #MeToo Bandwagon

Why do women come in droves with the #MeToo and #TimesUp movement? Because there is safety in numbers.

I have heard people dismissing these movements, claiming the allegations as nothing but an effort to get fame or money. I silently weep every time I hear it.

Last year I wrote an article in Indonesia about infidelity. It went viral with over 2 million recorded hit just on my blog, the only thing Indonesia's netizens talked for a week with my face pretty much on everywhere, and secured me a book deal on self-help.

The reason was because I inadvertantly started a #MeToo movement. Men having an affair is considered normal there, especially if you have money or power. It is also taboo to speak ill of your husband or to air your woes.

What do women do when it happened to them? They cry in silence. They vent to their closest friend. They have to just accept it, as divorced women are considered second class citizen by many.

When I break that door in Jack Torrance style, I made it known that their, our, situation is far too common. That it is not just celebrity or high rollers who can fight when things like this happen to them. That, most importantly, they are not alone.

The comment in that blog article reach over 1500, and I still get a new one now and then. The reaction is the same: "Oh my God!! That happens to me too!!" A lot of them use anonymous name, but their voice, their feeling is still there. And, maybe for the first time, their experience is validated.

Will any of them speak out publicly had it not been because of the viral article? Maybe not. There is too much at stake. As I said, it is considered ill-mannered to 'air your dirty laundry'. You'll get blamed and scolded instead, and your life will be extra miserable.

I, on the other hand, has nothing to lose. It's the perk of living in a free society 8000 miles away from home. A simple share and like on Facebook, and boom, the floodgate was opened. It's not okay anymore to have an affair. It will not be overlooked that easily.

This is, in a much larger scale, essentially what happened with #MeToo movement in the US. It's not 'jumping on the bandwagon', it's 'finally collectively loud enough to make my voice heard'. It's 'finally collectively big enough to make it matters'.

One allegations, two, it wont save you. Ke$ha, for instance, in 2016 accused Dr. Luke of sexual assault. The common reaction I saw for that case was: "Who is she anyway?" "She knows it's coming," "Why does this even matter?" Not many celeb was willing to take a stand and support her.

Even now, the gesture still stand. Celebs and commoners rallied up against those who already got thrown under the bus, but not those who are still prominent enough to sit on the bus with them. It's both 'cover my ass' and 'pitchfork mob' mentality.

And you wonder why these women (and men) didn't come sooner? As if you would actually hear their voice and make a stand for them? As if you wouldn't just dismissed it with "It's expected from the industry"? Because taking a stand by yourself is useless. You need an army to move the mountain.

Even right now, I still hear people saying: "They could have said no. They could have not put themselves in that position." You know what the perpetrator could also do? Not abusing their power. Not taking advantage of the people who had to work with them. Not choosing to sexually assault people.

This is the real, real core of #MeToo movement: a wake up call that such abuse of power is intolerable, that you cannot just do what you please and think it is okay. That respect and consent is vital. This is the core idea that, as you can see, can easily be implemented in many, if not all, aspect of life.

What we also learned from #MeToo is how society as a whole may choose to silence the dissenting voices to stabilize and preserve the status quo, i.e. to keep things as it is. Unless there is something big enough to wreak havoc and disrupt the society, nothing will change.

It is up to us as individual to stand up for things we truly believe in, and have balls to defend what we think it's right, even if we are the only No in the sea of Yes. You'll never know how many other 'No's that you might find, or how many other people that will say: "Oh my God, me too!!"

It involves looking at things objectively, comparing only datas and facts and steer clear from opinions and hearsays. It involves being empathatic. You may not agree on one's action or you may think it is not what he/she described, but that doesn't mean his/her feeling is not valid. So yes, it will be very hard.

Can we do it? Of course we can. We abolished slavery. We made progress in equality. We are more aware in the plight of our surrounding, both human and nature. Now we are tackling respect and consent. We have progressed so much as a race, and it's not gonna stop anytime soon. Yes. Yes, we can.

Jualan Daging

Jualan daging katanya. Padahal banyak yang jadi simpanan pejabat dan pengusaha demi mobil terbaru dan tas terkini. Nggak apa-apa. Toh 'menikah'. Peduli setan bini asli tahu atau nggak.

Jualan daging katanya. Padahal banyak yang harga diri dilibas, menjilat pantat atasan asal dapat promosi. Nggak apa-apa. Toh 'terhormat'. Peduli setan dipakai seperti tisu toilet.

Jualan daging katanya. Padahal banyak yang menginjak orang lain demi bisa 'naik', nggak perduli berapa banyak korban. Nggak apa-apa. Toh 'mapan'. Peduli setan semua yang terkapar.

Jualan daging katanya. Padahal banyak yang menjual rahasia orang biar dianggap tahu, atau menikmati pergunjingan tanpa bersalah. Nggak apa-apa. Toh 'Update'. Peduli setan benar atau nggak.

Jualan daging katanya. Padahal banyak yang menggunakan dalil agama untuk memuaskan nafsu belaka, atau sekedar terlihat suci. Nggak apa-apa. Toh 'religius'. Peduli setan kelakuan aslinya iblis.

Jualan daging katanya. Padahal banyak yang tutup mata melihat sekian orang teraniaya, tutup telinga atas tangisan orang yang ga berdaya, tutup mulut 'asal gue selamat'. Nggak apa-apa. Yang penting ga jualan daging.

Sori ya beib. 

Kalo loe bertahan dengan pasangan loe karena dia bisa ngajak loe ke kafe mahal, elu jualan daging

Kalo loe mau jadi pasangan ekstra walau tahu pasangan asli tersakiti, elu jualan daging

Kalo loe bersabar jadi keset orang 'tenar' demi ikut 'tenar', elu jualan daging

Kalo loe mementingkan tampilan diri daripada menolong yang butuh, elu jualan daging

Kalo loe menggunakan gossip untuk jadi beken ato merasa paling 'in the know', elu jualan daging orang

Begitu juga saat loe mengorbankan orang lain untuk jadi lebih hebat. Daging orang loe jual.

Puas loe? Bangga loe?

Gue ga peduli elu siapa dan apa pekerjaan loe selama loe ga nyenggol gue. Gue ga peduli preferensi seksual elu selama elu ga nyenggol gue. Sebaliknya, jangan coba-coba ngutak-ngatik gue selama gue ga nyenggol elu karena loe ga punya hak.

Iya gue janda kembang. Ada masalah?

Iya gue bekas bule. Ada masalah?

Iya gue aktif secara seksual. Ada masalah?

Kita nggak mau dianggap rendah sama orang lain, sementara mulut dengan mudah dan serasa tanpa dosa melontarkan hinaan terhadap orang lain yang kita rasa lebih rendah dari kita. Logikanya dimana? Tapi kan mulut ga pake logika ah, dan saat kita direndahkan tinggal merasa teraniaya. Yuk mari.

Sori ya beib, sekian banyak ilmu agama yang dipamerin di fesbuk, sekian banyak kutipan kitab suci yang beredar di watsap, sekali loe merendahkan orang lain cukup sudah kredibilitas loe dimata gue. Karena kalo loe bisa merendahkan orang lain, apa jaminannya elu ga merendahkan gue?

Gue dari kecil dibilangin gue 'spesial'. Yang sampai posisi duduk dan sharing makanan diatur, ga boleh sembarangan. "Ingat namamu," kata keluarga. Yang gue ingat cadaver/mayat yang gue bedah di pelajaran anatomi. Semua sama. Nggak ada namanya. Nggak ada catatan imannya. Semua mati dan gue buka badannya pakai pisau bedah.

Sori kalo gue ga anggap loe spesial karena siapa elu, baik fisik materi reliji dan segala tetek bengeknya. Karena buat gue saat loe mati semua sama. Gue anggap loe spesial saat elu memperlakukan orang lain dengan sepantasnya, karena itu yang akan membuat perubahan bagi dunia.

Kalo loe 'jualan daging', gue ga peduli. Gue lebih peduli sama yang beli daging loe. Karena mereka sangat mungkin ga jujur sama pasangannya, sangat mungkin berlagak baik padahal kelakuan bangsat. Jadi siapa yang parah? Yang terang-terangan jualan atau yang beli tapi munafik?

Gue jualan daging juga kok. Gue manfaatin banget fisik gue untuk membuat hidup gue lebih nyaman. Nggak ada yang nggak hepi melihat senyum lepas dan wajah yang bahagia, dan gerak badan yang menunjukkan kita menghargai lawan bicara kita. Loe ada masalah?

The Woman in The Strip Club

"Treat her nicely!" the woman pointed out to my (then) husband, still in striding position over his lap. We both looked at her, pretty shocked. "Uhh.. okay," he finally said. I was still at loss for words. "I mean it. She is a good woman," she exclaimed, her bare breasts in front of our faces.

Yes, a stripper did tell my (then) husband to treat me nicely, at a strip club. Aren't girls awesome? 

Whenever I hear women empowerment, my thoughts always went to that night in Arizona. You don't call out your customer like that, yet she felt the need to speak out and made safe her fellow Southeast Asian woman. If that is not empowering, I don't know what.

You need to understand why I am in awe of her, and why she is such an inspiration for me. When I met her I was still blissfully married and I and my husband were madly in love, yet there she was, already rooting for me. In comparison, after the divorce, I was pretty much left to fend off myself alone in the US.

Today is the anniversary of my official divorce decree. It feels weird, to be honest, to say I am divorced. As time passed, the marriage period and my short stint as a Stepford Wife seemed more like a dream. Memories held, but the pain slowly ebbed away.

And these are all thanks to the people around me, the smiles and kind words that made me through the days, one at a time. Especially the women. My boss whom I hug tightly when my world crumbled underneath my feet. My coworker who was ready to call the cop when she saw I was scared.

Then there are the women who stood up for me and listen to my woes. There are new friends who took me under their wings. Women who, after reading my article, come in droves to wish me luck. And of course, that woman in the strip club.

A friend and I had an argument on Azis Ansari's case. She called it sexual assault, I said it's not. What was unsaid in the argument is: had it been someone I know, be it man or woman, I will be at his/her side in no time at all to comfort him/her and make sure he/she doesn't feel alone. No question asked.

Isn't that what we need? Put out the fire first and assess the damage before assigning blames and playing Captain Hindsight. I may not agree with your actions, but I will not turn blind eyes when somebody needs me. So much easier for everyone than the usual "Well you should…"

It's not always easy, though. Especially if that person keeps making the same mistake or just plain annoying from the get-go. It's hard to sympathize, let alone empathize, with someone whom you are just dying to b*tch slap from sheer frustration. 

The moment I felt I can't do that, I try to remember her. Maybe she saw something that I failed to see. Maybe she was hurt before. Maybe she was intoxicated. Whatever it is, she was the first person in the US that actually say: "Treat her nicely!". I am grateful for her presence. Now it's my turn to do the same.

We all deserve to be treated nicely. We all obliged to treat other nicely as well. Men, women, genderless, everyone deserves this, everyone is obliged to. This is what empowerment feels like. This is what decency feels like. This is what we need to pursue.

I hope she is well. I hope life treats her good. I hope the universe keeps her safe, just as she tried to keep me safe. Because caring and empathy know no border, it flows freely to those who are in need. We're long overdue for that river to flow and cleanse us all.

Karena Saya Cukup

Pagi ini ada yang sms saya, menanyakan bagaimana agar pasangan nggak direbut pelakor. Ini pertanyaan yang sering muncul di Inbox saya. Sisanya kebanyakan curhat pasangan direbut pelakor. Kayanya pelakor momok banget dalam hubungan, ya.

Ada teman lain yang menshare status tentang kronologis perselingkuhan, yang biasanya terjadi karena terlanjur kenal lalu semakin mendekat. Semua hubungan, yang resmi atau nggak, ya memang begini kan kronologisnya?

Jadi apakah kita harus menjaga mata dan hati, baik lelaki maupun perempuan? Apakah kita harus mengekang pasangan kita (atau dikekang) agar tidak dekat dengan orang lain yang bisa menyebabkan perselingkuhan?

Hidup kok susah banget sih hihihi.

Pada kenyataannya, nggak ada yang bisa menghentikan perselingkuhan kecuali dari pelaku perselingkuhan sendiri. Pelakor menyediakan jalan, namun seperti gojek dan grabcar, satu jalan ditutup ya tinggal cari jalan tikus lain.

Seperti yang saya tulis di buku saya, "Dear Mantan Tersayang", perselingkuhan merupakan bukti adanya sesuatu yang dirasa kurang atau tidak terpenuhi dari pasangan asli. Ini bisa karena memang ada sesuatu yang perlu diperbaiki, atau karena pasangan asli memang genit nggak jelas.

Semakin hokeh pasangan anda, semakin banyak godaannya. Siapa sih yang nggak mau punya pasangan yang menarik/kaya/bule/stabil/PNS/tentara/dokter/isi sendiri kelebihannya. Dan digoda itu luar biasa lho cobaannya. Apalagi yang merasa diri biasa saja tetiba dapat godaan yang heboh syalala.

Tanpa ada yang aktif menggoda pun perselingkuhan bisa terjadi. Disaat hati merasa hampa, tiba-tiba ketemu orang yang seolah mengerti semua gundah diri. Niat hanya ingin jadi teman curhat ternyata bertaut hingga jauh. Ditambah rasa dag dig dug der saat baru jatuh cinta. Lupa deh sama pasangan dirumah.

Apakah ada yang bisa kita lakukan? Lagi-lagi nggak ada. Selama pasangan nggak mengkomunikasikan apa yang ia butuhkan, selama ada yang dirasa kurang dan hilang dari hubungan, selama itu pula risiko perselingkuhan akan terus ada.

Disini yang kita harus jeli melihat. Terkadang hubungan memang harus diperbaiki, apalagi saat hati mulai meregang dan kita mulai lupa akan apa yang membuat pasangan kita begitu berharga. Namun terkadang kita perlu melihat kedalam diri dan berkata, "Dia cukup buat saya."

Karena akan selalu ada orang yang lebih baik, lebih menarik, lebih cerdas, lebih segalanya. Dan apa sih 'lebih baik' itu? Karena perhatian dan kasih sayang, kehangatan yang kita dapatkan dari seseorang tidak bisa dibandingkan. Kenangan bersama dan saat-saat bahagia itu tidak tergantikan. 

Ini sesuatu yang harus dipahami semua orang. Hubungan adalah sebuah komitmen, bukan sekedar 'pengisi' sampai yang lebih baik datang. Mau sejuta penggoda datang, bila dalam sebuah hubungan kedua pihak mau berkomitmen dan terus berkomunikasi, nggak bakal kejadian.

Ini bukan berarti kita harus seluruh menurut apa kata pasangan, agar semua keinginan/kebutuhannya terpenuhi dan ia tidak nyangkut di luar sana. Hubungan itu kan dua pihak ya, harus imbang dan adil. Kalau memang satu pihak sudah tidak nyaman dan nggak bisa diperbaiki, ya mau gimana lagi.

Pada hakikatnya, kita nggak pernah benar-benar memiliki seseorang. Hati dan perasaan bisa berubah, bukan hanya pasangan, namun juga diri kita sendiri. Cinta yang menggebu bisa tergerus, baik karena kita berubah atau kita akhirnya melihat pasangan dari sudut pandang yang berbeda.

 Ya. Saat pasangan berkata "Kamu berubah…" bisa jadi memang kita sudah berubah. Tapi manusia memang akan terus berubah, ibarat batik yang terwarnai oleh setiap sentuhan kehidupan, atau permata yang terasah oleh setiap pengalaman hidup yang berbeda.

Saat itu terjadi, kita harus siap melepaskan, kita harus siap mengucapkan selamat tinggal. Baik karena panggilan Tuhan atau suratan jalan hidup, kita tidak memiliki kuasa untuk memaksanya tinggal disisi kita. Namun mereka yang menganggap kita 'cukup', mereka akan sebisa mungkin bertahan.

Karena bagi yang merasa kita "cukup", setiap perubahan dan perkembangan diri kita bukanlah momok atau sumber ketidaknyamanan, melainkan dinamika yang membuat mereka merasa semakin dekat, bahkan semakin mencintai diri kita. 

Karena bagi yang merasa kita "cukup", setiap godaan dan tawaran yang datang bukanlah kesempatan untuk mendapatkan yang 'lebih baik', namun pengingat bahwa ia sudah memilih kita, dan ia akan tetap memilih kita.

Dan bagi yang merasa kita "tidak cukup", ya mau bagaimana lagi. Biarkan mereka mencari apa yang terbaik bagi diri mereka. Biarkan mereka mencari apa yang membuat mereka "cukup". Karena anda tahu, bagi orang yang tepat, anda "cukup".

Tegakkan kepala anda dan kuatkan hati anda. Jangan takut dengan pelakor, tapi fokus pada hubungan anda: apa yang membuat anda bahagia, apa yang membuat ia bahagia, apa yang membuat kalian berdua bahagia. Karena ini yang terpenting dalam hubungan anda: kebahagiaan bersama. Jangan lupa ya…

Salam sayang dari Los Angeles 😊

35 Acting Like 15

I spent the morning and lunch time talking with 3 different friends about my reluctance to ask a guy for a double date. Yes. You read that right. Me, who aint afraid of no ghosts.

And they were deep analysists as well, the kind that you'll see during football commentaries. "But he did this, so it must be that," or "I think what happen was..."

Did it work? Not really. I got some encouraging insights but I still feel like a shy school girl when faced with this cute senior: "What if he doesn't like me *that* much??"

Yes. I am 35 acting like 15. Sigh.

Yes, I know I can slay. I know I have the balls and strength to do whatever I want and still be standing in the end, no matter what. I know I will still be smiling in the midst of havoc.

Yes, I know I flirted with life and danced with destiny. I know what I am capable of and what I am uncapable of. I know if I set my heart into it, I most likely will get it.

Yet here I am acting like a teenager. And it feels great.

Since my first relationship I have been geared towards one thing: Happily Ever After. Marriage, kids, family, the house with white picket fence. It has to be perfect.

I got it all. It didn't last. Yet even though I gave up on happily ever after, I still carry the weight of relationship. Everything has to be meaningful. Nobody should get hurt. It has to be perfect.

And here I am, deliberately fretting over asking a guy on a simple date when I have no qualms on asking for worse. Knowing fully well I can go "Oh fuck it!" yet choose not to.

In a way, I was never 15. And now I am.

The world is on the brink of destruction, I know. War, inequality, climate change, divisive interest, hatred and ignorance, I am aware of all of this and more.

To add it up, there's my own personal growth, my office life, my writing career, my work and ambition in financial service industry that I should really think of instead of fretting over a date.

Yet finding this purity is a blessing.

This is not about 'a date'. This is me learning to live in the moment instead of keep chasing the horizon. This is me learning to let life lead the dance, instead of me controlling it.

This is me finding out that falling asleep on the sofa next to somebody is almost as satisfying as good sex. [Well, not really, but close enough].

This is me, unable to predict the future yet still enjoying it. This is me, enjoying the uncertainties and butterflies in my stomach. This is me being naive and innocent for once.

Do I need this? Yes. Yes, I do.

It's too easy to get drowned in the negativity of life, to feel everything is meaningless and utterly hopeless. It's easy to get defeated to the point you don't want to fight back.

Yet there's these gems of life everywhere, things so trivial we often overlooked when in fact they are what makes us happy, what we need to stay loving and sane.

Everybody needs this.

I am 35 acting like 15 and I don't care. One might say I am immature, I say I'm taking "Dating 101", a class long overdue. And I am loving every moment if it.

To each of their own happiness, and this is mine: a teenage fling so beautiful and fun in its uncertainties, so imperfect and fragile. For once, I am decidedly reckless enough to not care how it ends.

What is your beautiful thing? The one that makes you smile and forget your woes for a bit, the little respite in this treacherous world. They are everywhere, if you care to look.

Because we need more love and happiness

Because we deserve shy giggles and silly laughters

Because we could use fun adventures and quiet comfort

Because we should embrace and enjoy life to the fullest

I'm 35 acting like 15. What about you?

Applesauce and Cranberry Bread

My phone rang while I was on the bus home. It was my best friend. I frantically picked it up. He never called me at this hour, what on earth has happened?

"Hello?" I said in a panic voice.

"Hey," he said, "somebody wants to say something to you."

Next I heard was the sound of two kids on the speaker, one voice on top of the other, "Thank you, Ary," "Thank you for the applesauce,"

I started to giggle and then laughed with joy. The two kids giggled hearing me laughing so freely. They liked the applesauce I made and I got an affirmative "Yes" when I offered to make some more. Life can't be better.

The last two days I have been out of it. The world seemed to be a hostile place to live, with hatred and blindness all around. I spent two days in limbo trying to write my feelings and thoughts, but nothing came out.

A lot of things came out, actually. None that I see fit to published. None that I see can change the situation I'm living in. Human sucks. No matter how hard I try to sway them, human will always be a piece of sh*t.

And then they called. Suddenly life was not that bad anymore. Their honest gratitude for a very simple thing I make, the sheer happiness of my friend looking at how happy his kids are, make me suddenly feel whole again.

Isn't it a wonder how simple act of gratitude could turn your world inside out? How a simple thought of "Maybe they'll like this" can transpire into an intricate mandala where everything is beautifully connected?

Earlier this morning I got praises for my Cranberry Bread as well. Both my friend and my coworkers love it. Even the calorie-counting one ended up eating a whole portion and not just a bite.

The thing is, I wasn't looking for praises. Which makes the compliment feels even more amazing. I have cranberries and oranges and apples I need to use, so I made things that I think people would like. That's it.

The world is bad enough these days, and I strive to bring comfort and smile to people around me. It wont magically change the world, but at least it can give the briefest solace in the midst of storm.

Turns out I was saved too. Turns out if you give a little light to people around you it reverberates and light up the whole area, including yourself. And you never realize how much you need that light until you are basked in it.

"I want to teach them to be grateful for what people do for them,"

"But it wasn't much," I said.

"We still appreciate you."

"I hope they know how much I appreciate the phone call,"

"They do. They laugh when they hear you laughing."

On and on the line went on, and in front of me I no longer see the desolate waste land that I so dreaded. Instead, a ginormous colorful mandala crochet was upon my eyes. Each part knitted with different thread, representing different kindness and different love.

If this is not what life is all about, I don't know what else. If this is not a sliver of true happiness God had promised, I don't know what else. If this is not what hope is, I don't know what else.

I know one thing, though. I know tonight I will sleep peacefully. The darkness is gone for now. I am safe. Thank you all for the light you share.

This Is Enough

I could feel the taut body beneath me, and his steady, rhythmic breathing. Even though he was fast asleep, his arms still locked tightly around me. My hands rested gently on his hip, my head on his chest, my feeling in bliss.

"You'll find love," they said. "You deserve love," they insist. "Just don't be alone for too long," they told me. But what is love? Do I really need it? Am I really going to risk my sanity once again? What's wrong with being alone?

 

There were times when it was the only thing I ever wanted in life. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be a special person to someone. I wanted a person who wants me, and only me. I wanted the butterfly in my stomach and the happily ever after.

I got what I wanted, along with the added psychological thriller and the dark, twisted comedy. Princess fairytale with a twist, so to speak. I've been there. It was maddening, it was beautiful, it was beyond perfect, right to the surprising end.

And I don't want to do that again. 

To confess love or affection towards me is akin to entering a contest for the princess' hand in old knight's tales. If you do not succeed or you are doing it halfheartedly, heads will roll. I will not accept anything less. 

Am I really worth the trouble? I don't know. Then again, it's not about how others feel about me, but about how I feel about myself. If nobody thinks I'm worth it, it's fine. I love my life right now and I have so many things to be grateful and happy about.

There were times when these words sound hollow and empty, when it was a poor excuse to hide the loneliness inside. There were times where sex is the only way I can get human contacts that I was craving for, the little bit of attention I so desperately wanted. 

Yet the world is not that scary anymore. Life has beaten me with an aluminum bat and I came back with an even bigger gun. This is the first time I feel whole, the first time I can look the world (and life) in the eyes and say with a smirk, 'Come at me, bro'.

He stirred in his sleep and hold me closer. The movie was still playing on the tv. I snuggled cozily. 

I know I am not completely healed. I know a single word of love and/or affection could send me reeling back into hopeless misery. The doubt, the distrust, the fear, the painful memory, these all will turn me into a savage monster and may God have mercy for anyone who happened to be there.

"There is someone out there who deserved you," my best friend said. "Well let him wait. Or lose my number. I am not interested," I replied with a wink. "You know you want it. You know it will make you happy. I want you to be happy," my best friend argued. I shrugged.

Maybe I want love after all. Maybe I still want my happily ever after. Maybe, when I am not broken anymore. Who knows, I might be un-broken again one of these days. I used to be so scared of life and world, and here I am living it to the fullest. And that's all that matter right now.

The voices are not always silent, though. A part of me gnarled ferociously at the thought of I'm not the only current lover he has. Yet a different part of me, the part that's busy planning all the board gaming, swing dancing, and doing other shenanigans was like, "That's perfect. Our social schedule is PACKED."

And she is right. It's not that I don't need love. It's that I am loving myself right now.

When the movie ended, I woke him up, call an Uber, and kissed him goodbye. As I stepped outside I was greeted by the nippy Los Angeles chill. It didn't bother me, as my body was still warm from the warmth of his body. I waved my Uber and walked with a smile. I am content. This is enough.