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Thursday, March 6, 2014

Their Bedroom, Their Life. Keep Off, Please.

I like sex. I really do. Coming from where I am, it is an awkward thing to say, not to mention dangerous. My culture is pretty much still a very conservative one, and sex truly is one of the big No-no. At least for the women. In my college years, sex talk with my girl friends is nothing more than a barrage of sexual innuendos. No detail explanation and such, and you will have to actually find someone who is known far and wide as 'sexually active' to get into the nitty gritty. And even then, chances are it wouldn't be nothing more than: Yeah, he's pretty okay. Once I had a co-worker who were already married, and apparently had no issue telling us in complete detail how her sexual life was. I remember thinking how cool it is, but looking back I could sense her desperation. None of my other co-workers are married and obviously not ready to give feedback how our own sexual life was (if any). And I thought to myself: Ok, you like sex. So?

To some, sex is the best thing in life; for others it may not be so. To some, sex is holy and should be done only with your lawful wedded spouse; for others it is a fun activities like Pilates or jogging. To some, it is absolutely necessary that you all should know how much they like sex; for others they wish to have no say or whatsoever about their sexual life, even though it is so spicy and saucy it'll break any Vivid video record. However one viewed sex, it's his/her own personal belief and preference; and no other person have the right to cast judgement. Just as any of personal beliefs and preferences.

Reading this article about The Duke Porn Star's Empowerment make me cringe. As other commentators put it: it is her decision to be a porn star, why does it make her less powerful than other women? Women these days are no longer the ones cried by Gwen Stefani: "I'm just a girl in the world... That's all that you'll let me be!". Women these days are perfectly capable of making their own decision, even convicted as rapist/sexual offender. But guess where the fingers pointing at for sex issues like this? Yup, yours truly: women. Even women have no holding back on judging other women on sex issues, as the article said: "So being choked, spit on and degraded is now empowering? Feminist logic…I’d rather have my dignity and loans than work as a prostitute." That sums up the women's [and to some extent world's] problem: who are you to say s*** about anyone's decision as long as it is not hurting you or anyone else? 

Why do we look down on women who had nasty partners and say she is incapable of getting a good man, but voiced our sympathy for men who had nastier partners (and added oh that poor poor man just for added sympathy)? Why do we call horrible names for women who slept with many men but honor/adore the men who slept with many women? Infidelity is a serious issue for both men and women, especially considering how long a human child needs to be reared before he/she can fend off for him/herself. Having a complete set of parents who are willing to cooperate and committed to one another would be more beneficial for a child. Diseases also affect both men and women, and no matter what your gender is the more sexual partner you have the higher your risk is to get sexually transmitted disease. As for integrity and pride: women who [are rumored to] sleep with many men are considered 'loose' and disgraceful; but what does it say about men whose maturity is highly questionable because he couldn't [make the effort] to commit to a single woman, and very much insecure that they needed to have sex with other women to prove their masculinity? When you take out the myth of "Men vs Women" and see them just as they are, the vulnerable human being a.k.a Homo Sapiens, you will see that regardless of the gender we are the same and have to face the same problem when we choose to have multiple partners.

As a woman, I do not encourage my fellow women to go all and about with sex in the name of empowerment. Nor do men, in that matter. Sexually transmitted diseases for one, emotional distress, and also the worst thing possible: accidental baby; it is [in my opinion] not really worth it to go all these just to stated that you are the cool/hip chic or the studly man who has juicy sex life. You don't need a big number of sexual partners to define who you are, do you? Maybe you do, but even so I have no right to cast judgement on your decision. As for those who still insist on poking your nose in somebody else's bedroom [a.k.a sexual life], here's a guidelines:

1) Does it affect you directly and personally [e.g. the person is sleeping with your partner]? --> if no, please shut up; if yes, continue to the next question.

2) If this person is a woman, will you cast equal judgement if she is a man instead (e.g. calling him a good for nothing lowly piece of shit and a waste of oxygen for sleeping with 3 different women in a week?) --> if no, please shut up; if yes, please fell free to also bash all the men you've heard or known to have non-committal sex with even though it was back in the days and yes, it's probably including your own loved ones or your homie bros. You'd probably considered as a demented person and nobody wants to be with you anymore, but fair is fair, right?

Think about it. How is it that for a women having multiple non-committed sexual partners are looked down as if [or even more than] if she committed a crime? In a crime someone else's rights are taken, be it their belonging or even their soul; in sexual activity, provided that it's with consent there are no rights taken. And at the same time, how is it that a man who have multiple non-committed sexual partners are consider as prized or studly? The number of his partner in bed does not reflect his own ability to deal with life. You probably wanted to be homeboys or girlfriend to this stud who seemed to be able to get laid anytime anywhere, but when it comes to serious decision like business the number of women this stud has doesn't mean jacksh*t. Stop glorifying men's multiple 'gig' and shaming women's: if you want to shame then shame them all, if you want to glorify then glorify them all. We, after all, are humans; men and women alike. Remember: Their bedroom, their life. Now keep off, please.

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