The Three Homes

It's been 13 days since I left LA. The tall buildings, the busy public transportation, the chilly wind, the frustratingly short fall/winter days, they all seemed light years away.

For a week they were replaced with humid (and almost suffocating) weather, bumper-to-bumper gridlock traffic jam, street food and somewhat fancy food, the skyline that stretch on forever, and glitzy malls that made you giddy with opulent excitements.

For the next week those too will be replaced with ceaseless scooter driving, with wind in my hair and the harmonic chaos of gamelan (Balinese orchestra) in my ears, suckling pigs on spit and mom's homemade cooking, temples to pray and bars to play with beaches and mountains in between.

One is a place where I was born and raised. One is where my rightful place is, the source of my blood within. One is where I can be myself. So which one is home?

Home is where I chat like crazy till 2 in the morning, and play card/dice games for hours afterwards. Home is where I sip coffee and gossiped with a friend, and on and on we went. Home is looking at my friend's attractive yet incredibly expressive face and totally understand why people loved her. Home is excitedly yet anxiously sitting in the car on the way to the temple, longing so bad to be there and find solace once more.

Home is running to the ocean with mismatched bikini, and jump gleefully into it. Home is laughing with the wave and splash the water around, feeling purified and rejuvenated and simply...happy. Home is drinking beer in a club made to look like a giant house party, and as the night went on the calm friend became more and more vivid. Home is little tiny hands touching me and calling me over and over again: "Bugek Ary!" (auntie Ary), Dad's plans and Mom's easy goingness, siblings love and bickerings.

Home is long commute with cool bus drivers and interesting passengers. Home is homemade lunch for the weekdays and freshly grilled bf-made meals on weekends. Home is cool job and even cooler co-worker. Home is intense business discus/tsion and entertaining board games. Home is the endearing "Hey" in messaging apps, and the smile I'll soon see in person. Home is lonely life yet a satisfying one, a state of mind where one become the city itself.

Three places, three life, three homes. To say I am merely blessed is a gross understatement.

A true prowess of human is his/her ability to adapt to his/her surrounding, and use it to the max; to be able to see both silver lining in even the most frustating condition and bloomed with it. We know limits in physical matters, but spiritually we are limit-free. Our soul, our mind transcend matter. And thus, we are bigger than we look, than we choose to believe.

Had I lived a life constrained to just a singular home, a life in any of the three homes I have would be fulfilling indeed. But I have three of them. Others might have less, or even many more. This knowledge buoyed my spirit and made me realized how vulnerable yet powerful we are spiritually, how fascinating our mind and adaptation power is, how truly beautiful my life is. We are not a flock of ducks herded by the unknown farmer, we are kings and queens of our own realms.

The three homes beckon me, calling me. I have loathed and feared and angry at each of my homes. I have loved each of them even more. And now I will heed their calling. I am home. I am home. I am home.

A Note To Myself

Hey you at the bus stop

Yes you with that silly grin all over your face

Focusing so intently into your phone

As if the world doesn't exist

Elation, joy, ecstacy

Tinged with a dose of disbelief

Even as your fingers texted the words:

"I passed the exam!!!"

Do you really think it was that awesome?

Or matters that much?

Do you really think it was special?

That somehow, you are special too?

Good.

Because you deserve it.

Because you earned it.

Because you really are special.

A piece of paper they say

A lousy course, unimportant

There are other, grander things in life

Better, bigger achievements too

But that is *your* accomplishment

*your* effort 

*your* struggle

*your* achievement

It's all the hours reading on the bus

It's all the horrid feeling of racing against time

It's all the despair, the doubts

It's every thoughts that you'll never get it right

But you did. You passed.

You rise from the ashes and ready to fly

You pick up the pieces and put it together

You embrace the rain and dance gleefully

You could have quit, but you didn't

You could have stuck in sorrow, but you didn't

You could have ceased 'living', but you didn't

You could have given up hope, but you didn't

The pain and scars didn't break you

It smoothen you, brighten you

The anger and madness didn't kill you

It strengthen you, empower you

You are still the girl full of hope, if not more

You are still the woman full of love, if not more

You are still the self-rescuing princess

You are still the damsel, no longer in distress

With each sorrowful step you move forward

A smile on your face, a hope in your mind

A stabbing pain in your heart

But still you move forward

The pain is there, but it will disappear

With each step forward it'll slowly erode

The smile and hope will keep getting brighter

And that, love, is how we 'move on'

Don't deny the past because it happened

Don't hate it, despise it, or loath it

Embrace the love, the laugh, the feel good

Both joy and sorrow is a part of you

Congratulations for passing the exam

For completing it before the deadline you set

The piece of paper is not just a piece of paper

It's a proof that you live through

You did good.

You did awesome.

You did fantastic.

You'll do so much more.

Congratulations for defeating the pain

For choosing life over sorrow

For keeping faith even when you were lost

For nurturing love in the midst of hate

You go girl, you awesome!

You earn your stripes, you worth your salt

And nobody can take that away

It's yours, and yours to keep

Always remember who you are

And how far you've gone

Always keep that love, that faith, that dazzling smile

Always keep the kindness and share it too

Congratulations love, congratulations

I am as proud as I can ever be

We did it girl, we totally did it

And we'll do so much, so much more

The world will keep on turning

And we will keep on walking

Moving on, moving on

We will keep on moving on, you and I

For Those Who Serve / Untuk Para Pejuang

To those who serves (Mereka yang telah berjuang)

Terimalah terima kasih kami (Accept our gratitude)

For all you have done (Untuk yang telah anda lakukan)

Untuk yang telah kami terima (For all we have receive)

 

Freedom (Kebebasan)

Rasa aman (Safety)

Dignity (Kebanggaan)

Negara dan Bangsa (Country and Nation)

 

Blood has spilled (Darah telah tertumpah)

Tubuh telah terkoyak (Bodies have been torn)

Mind have been broken (Pikiran telah terpatahkan)

Nyawa telah hilang (Souls have been lost)

 

For the people (Untuk masyarakat)

Untuk Negara (For the country)

For things you hold dear (Untuk hal yang anda sayangi)

Untuk masa depan (For the future)

 

May never be any days (Semoga tiada hari)

Saat kita melupakan anda (when we forget you)

May the sacrifices you have done (semoga pengorbanan yang anda lakukan)

Diingat dan dihargai selamanya (Remembered and valued forever)

 

Who we are right now (Siapa kita sekarang)

Adalah buah perjuangan anda (Is the fruit of your labor)

Paid dearly with a price (Dibayar dengan harga mahal)

Dan tak boleh disiakan (And must not go to waste)

Thank you for those who serve (Terimakasih para pahlawan)

Terimakasih atas jasa anda (Thank you for your service)

Thank you for what you have given (Terimakasih atas apa yang anda berikan)

Terimakasih atas apa yang kami terima (Thank you for what we receive).

 

Thank you.

Terima kasih.

Sukseme. 

[USA Veteran's Day Nov 11, Indonesia's National Hero Day Nov 10]