The Sun Will Shine Again

Taylor Swift said:

"Never be so kind, you forget to be clever

Never be so clever, you forget to be kind"

I feel I am neither kind or clever right now. I wasn't clever enough to keep myself safe from harm's way. I wasn't kind enough on how I act with others. 

I guess this is what depression is all about. Reasoning and common sense don't apply anymore. You can have the world on a silver platter and you will still only taste ashes in your mouth. Nothing matters except the confusing fog in your head.

I have to focus, though. "I am unkind." Look at how warm the sunshine is. "I am a burden". Think of all the movies you are going to watch. "Nobody wants me." We have corsets and new dresses to wear, to flaunt.

Every time I gravitated toward the dark abyss, I have to remind myself to look toward the life I have. The light may not be able to completely remove the shadow, but it can reduce it substantially.

Yes, I am looking forward to go to museums. To watch Spiderman and Kingsman. To give holiday gifts like a madwoman. To hold each of you precious so close to me and whisper:

"Thank you for being here. Thank you for being the rope that prevent me from falling to my death. Thank you for being the light in my shadowy realm."

The sun will shine again in my mind. I promise myself that. It will.