Allegiance

I went and completed the naturalization form yesterday. Some of the questions made me feel... disturbed. I shoot out messages to my closest friends: "I tell ya, most US citizen won't pass the questionnaire with how they're behaving."

In the question about advocating the overthrow of any government  --> didn't people cheer when protesters trying to break the White House?

In the question about persecuting others on things including political opinion --> I have stories about people who have to hide how they feel about Trump and other social issue for fear of losing jobs and gigs.

In the question about not letting someone practice his or her religion --> Somebody in a friend's post argue that bible burning is covered in 1st amendment. 

Naturally it goes both ways. Attacking Democrat mayor, losing job because of you are LGBTQ, burning Quran or mocking other people's religion. The fact remains: whatever Americans are doing if it was done by non-Americans it will not be tolerable.

Forget about citizenship, I am pretty sure if the USCIS found a picture of me burning the flag or bible I'd say goodbye to my green card. Or a picture of me vandalizing during BLM protest, or simply get caught because breaking the curfew. Hell. I have to always inform everyone that no, I do not wish to partake on your weed because it is still a federal offense and I would like to keep my green card thank you very much. (And also I am dead not interested)

I get it. I am a guest. I have to follow the rules even though it seems my host family ignores it. They are not the one who has to prove themselves worthy, but I am. It is not my place to ask for a difference in treatment.

But what if the reason why I have to follow the rules was simply because the rules are enforceable *for* me? If an American failed to answer the questionnaire USCIS can't do anything. In some cases they can revoke the citizenship for troubled naturalized citizen, but it is very last resort only and I believe it is not doable if it will render the said citizen stateless. The US born citizens are pretty much untouchable.

And it is sad. It honestly is sad because this mean the US born citizens have little way of realizing how great their country is. US is their birth right and they can do whatever they want with her. They can dissed her. They can complain. They can be nasty and ungrateful. They don't need to prove their worthiness to be here.

Using this logic, anyone with a green card or a work visa or naturalized citizenship should rank higher when trying to get a job or to get into a school. Higher even than the US born citizens. We have to answer this questionnaire over and over again, to assure US government that yes we meant well, we will not be a burden, and we will not jeopardize US and/or her citizen in any way.

The funny thing is, I do not feel angry. I do not feel I am treated unfairly for having to proof myself while the US born citizen can do whatever. I felt honored instead. If my naturalization request is granted, I have proven my worth. 

Naturalization is not a simple feat. I have to renounce my home country's citizenship, and thus losing all legal ties to it. I will not be able to own property, to have bank accounts, to come and go as I please. In the eye of the government I am no longer one of theirs. Do you know how much weight it is to make such decision? To consciously cut off everything, close the chapter and burn the bridge?

Yet it has to be done. I have made my choice, albeit much faster than I would have liked to thanks to the upcoming hefty fee increase. Economic stability and potential prosperity was one of the reason why. Personal safety. Opportunities. The chance to become whatever I am want to be without fear of repercussion or persecution. 

What's needed to keep this is the oath of allegiance, and before that, to prove I am worthy. This I would do gladly. For a country that has given me so much and promise me even more, this I would do proudly. I can only hope US born citizen can feel the way I feel. Honestly, it almost feels unfair for them.

Wish me luck.