Online dating sucks, and I think being a man in the online dating world is not pleasant. There, I said it.
Being on online dating websites on and off, I see the insecurity in full display. The carefully curated photos, for instance, emphasized their strength (good abs, cool car, fancy vacay, even the house they owned). It's akin to the girls' thirst pics and filters.
Then there's the keyword. Nice words to describe they want an Instagram model. Words to describe how financially stable they are, or how satisfying they are in bed. Words that speaks volume of how shitty they've been treated in the past.
I would read the profiles and just feel sad for them. The ones that I met told stories about unending bot messages, sex-for-hire offers, the fine dine demands. You also need a nerve of steel to keep messaging all the people, knowing you might not get any reply.
And then the actual date. A lot of times I see the doubts and the awkwardness. The more experienced ones will carry themselves at ease or hide their feeling better. Some were surprised at the basic hospitality I showed them, and this breaks my heart the most.
For those who are just in it for the good times, it shouldn't be much of a problem. For those who want a relationship, it could be painful. Add girls like me in the mix, who looks nice and normal but has major commitment issue, and it's a perfect recipe for distrust and heartache.
In retrospect, the exact same thing happens with girls. I can't tell for sure because I never date a girl before, so I can't really read them. However, I think the premise is the same: Here's my offer, what's your offer? We do the mating dance and ritual like our animal cousins, ours was just done online.
A big chunk of it is expectancy. We expect a certain someone with a certain characteristic, and too often we weed out vigorously and missing out the hidden gems. Sometimes it is necessary because we are not comfortable or just not interested. Yet we hope and expect. And sometimes we get angry over it.
Another chunk is how ourself reflected to others. In online dating, with such a minimum time together we can easily come out as the worst of ourselves because we don't feel any obligation to accommodate our date more than what we are willing to give. Guys come out as *ssholes and girls come out as b*tches.
Online dating sucks but we still do it. It's an answer to modern fast-paced lifestyle and can be a blessing if you manage to find the hay in the stack of needles. At the time being, though, you will get pricked and beaten down and feel like you are the most unattractive person in this universe or that people are sh*tty AF.
Don't let the bitterness get to you, though. Be nice and genuine and it will shine through. Whether it is enough to the people you want to impress, that I cannot say. I just don't think it will hurt to be the best you can be. And if you really are just not nice and full of yourself, well… umm.. yeah…
You are all Prince Charming looking for that one perfect girl with only a glass shoe as a clue, and we girls are all Cinderella trying out all shoes to find the perfect one to wear. Here's well wishes to our endeavor and hope we'll find what we're looking for. Cheers.
[Yea some of us can also be Hannibal Lecter and/or human version of financial/emotional Praying Mantis. Not really wishing you well on that. Do no harm, fellas.]
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