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Sunday, June 17, 2012

The Inevitable

"There is no such thing as coincidence. What we have is the inevitable." -XXXHolic

My friends told me how impossible I am. My last relationship was conducted from 4500 km away, and my current one is more than 14,000 km away. Previously I was bracing the complicated social norm of Balinese hierarchy, now I land my self in a cross-race and totally different nationality altogether. No wonder my friends think I'm crazy, and questioned why won't I just get a normal relationship like everyone else. Point taken, but why should I?

 For me, it was never the question of difficulties or hurdles or challenges. It was always about the feeling, what kind of person my partner is. But sometimes, in one of few rare occasions, my faith waiver. Was I making the right decision, can I make it through. Then, wham! God smack my senses back.

Was worried about whether I can survive professionally when I got a client that simply thankful for what I do. Was scared that we couldn't last when I got a client who asked to conduct a surprise engagement photo session. Was thinking whether conducting a relationship from far away is a good idea when I got a client who decidedly moved to Japan, and having a great time with it albeit the anguish of missing the friends and family. And they all came from the same country as my partner, which actually made the chance of them contacting us and becoming a client is pretty slim. Flying full 24 hours is not really fun. But they came.

An agnostic would say I'm making this up. Heck, my partner WILL argue I'm making this up, that I'm forcing to connect the dots lol. But that's what I choose to believe, that everything happen for a reason. There is no coincidence, only the inevitable. It's His way of telling me that I'll be good.

Was I delusioning? Probably.
But I can't help feeling good about what I have, about my partner and our relationship. I listen closely to my feeling, to my gut instinct, as I can't afford and don't want to get hurt again. And I felt good, I felt really really good. When other people say what I am trying to do is crazy and impossible, I just know I'm going to make it. And yeah, He's been telling me that too.

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