This is My Trade (and Success Story). What is Yours?

A conversation with a friend makes me think, what is "enough"? And how do you measure "success"? My other friend, an American, jokingly told me that American like things big and fast. All wealth symbol. I found this funny because America is also home of countless self-motivation authors and guru that encourge people to see beyond wealth.

And what about Indonesia? I find Indonesian have varied opinion on "success" and "enough". To some the definition is exactly like their modern country counterparts: prestigious job, high salary, cool items. Yet to some, to be able to feed their children and give them education or even pay their way (honestly) through college is a huge success. So what is success? And when is enough?

I use to think that prestigious job is success, a double digit salary (in Indonesian million) is success, driving in fancy car is success. Then I went broke. And it force me to appreciate what I have just to be sane, and what I'm most appreciative of all are not measurable. It's not the money or the food or the fancy items, it's the love and kindness that people show me when I'm at my worst. Somehow it becomes my currency.

I bounced back, but I never see the world in the same light again, as most other people do. I see people's kind smile, not their fancy Hermes bag; I see their loving gaze, not their expensive YSL sunglasses; I see their honest laughter, not their Ferrari key that lay on the table. And those positive outlook has become my currency. I cant buy my friends lavish drinks in fancy club, but I can make them laugh and smile, and feel good about themselves. No amount of money can buy them that feeling as it was given to them with all earnesty, and my friends are ludicrously worldly successful (i.e. they are rolling in cash). That's my trade.

Some would think it's a poor trade. Smile and kindness can't buy food or get you a good shelter far from the ghetto. But awkwardly, I find that it can. My trade ensures me that I always have someone to help me in everything, from a simple drink to a place to crash in or even a plane ticket to pursue my crazy dream. And what mortals can't do, God lends a hand. Expensive dinner, rafting trip, even my favorite snack when I'm too broke to buy some. God provide me with little (or should I say adequate) money, but He gave me everything else without me needing to purchase them. I found this an amazing and gracious arrangement. It's like being pampered and cared without the frustration of handling the money. It's always enough.

It's a sick sick world that we're living in. I find that for sensitive people checking the news daily can lead to severe deppresion as bad news sell, but take a toll on our mental health. Negativity pulls and infected people stronger than positivity. That's why I smile all the time, I want to infect people with happiness. No need to share them my sorrow. For this reason, and for how I see and act towards the world, I know I will never be as rich as Donald Trump or as successful as Kim K (if that is counted as success). But I believe I will have a better quality of life, and so will people around me, especially those whom I love most.

People have different opinion about success, and I honestly don't mind to be successful/wealthy enough to afford a trip to South Africa to visit my dearest friends. But I am not worry. If the big Guy wants we to go there, I will be shown a way and be there in no time at all. That's how my trade works. That's how my life is. Haters will condemn me and called me un-ambitious lazy bitch, I called myself grateful for what I have and enjoying Life. And I think that what He wants in Humans, for us to learn and enjoy life instead of toiling in it. That will be heaven on earth indeed. I just hope whoever my life partner is will understand this skewed point of view and not run the other way for a [normal] "successful" woman ;).

Kebahagiaan Ada di Tangan (dan Pikiran) Anda!

Pagi ini tersadar kalau banyak sekali orang yang memilih tidak bahagia. Ibaratnya dapat jatah nasi bungkus mintanya nasi catering, dapat nasi catering mintanya makan di warung soto, dapat makan di warung soto mintanya makan di restoran ternama, dan seterusnya.

Esensinya konon "penghargaan" atau alasan klise lainnya, tapi kalau dipikir baik-baik makan ya makan bukan? Dan kalau defaultnya tidak dapat jatah makan lalu diberi gratisan bukannya seharusnya bersyukur daripada ngomel? Makan hanyalah sebuah ilustrasi, bisa saja yang diributkan adalah gaji (kemampuan seharga gaji 2juta menuntut hak setara gaji 5juta) atau jodoh/pasangan (saya tidak akan berkomentar wkwkwk).

Agak tidak masuk akal sebenarnya berpikir seperti ini, apalagi untuk orang yang beragama/percaya Tuhan. Tuhan itu adil beib. Apa yang Tuhan berikan pada kita adalah apa yang menurutNya terbaik saat itu. Dan kalaupun merasa dapatnya sampah saja belum tentu karena Tuhan sensi sama anda, siapa tahu Tuhan sudah menyiapkan yang lebih baik di masa depan, dengan syarat anda mau bersabar dan menunjukkan bahwa anda pantas untuk itu.

Kesimpulannya, apa yang ada dan apa yang anda punya saat ini ya dinikmati saja. Bukan berarti stagnan lho, tapi berarti mensyukuri apa yang ada sambil terus maju dan mengembangkan diri. Happiness is in your own hands, kebahagiaan ada di tangan anda sendiri. Hanya anda yang bisa berusaha meraih impian dan kebahagiaan anda, siapa pula yang mau repot-repot menghantarkan ke anda wkwkwk.

Tapi ingat, happiness is also in your own mind, kebahagiaan ada di dalam pikiran anda. Jangan sampai kebahagiaan yang susah payah anda raih menjadi tidak bermakna atau bahkan bukan sebuah kebahagiaan hanya karena [pikiran] anda tak mampu melihatnya. Jadi buka pikiran anda lebar-lebar. Hidup itu selalu membahagiakan, percaya deh. Happy Thursday :)

Para Pembenci (dan saya tak peduli)

Seorang kenalan saya melontarkan komentar yang menusuk terhadap saya. Rasanya menyakitkan. Saya begitu marah sehingga ingin menamparnya sekuat tenaga, tapi saya tidak melakukannya dan malah berjalan pergi.

Kenapa saya harus tersinggung? Kenapa saya harus marah? Apakah orang ini sedemikian pentingnya buat saya, atau sedemikian saya hormati sehingga kata-katanya berpengaruh buat saya? Jawabannya tidak. Orang ini tidak lebih baik dari saya, dan (buat saya) hidup saya jauh lebih baik dari dia, jadi buat apa repot?

Lagipula, karma juga berperan. Saya harus mengakui bahwa saya pun pernah melontarkan komentar menyakitkan tentang kenalan saya ini. Jadi kalau sekarang saya tersentil karma saya sendiri wajar kan? Tidak. Tidak wajar. Bila seseorang sedemikian mengganggunya buat saya sehingga saya jadi membencinya, jauh lebih logis untuk langsung men-downgrade orang tersebut menjadi "emang-gue-pikirin". Cuek dan tidak peduli menghabiskan lebih sedikit energi daripada sibuk membenci, dan karma balance nya juga bisa ditekan sampai nyaris nol.

Jadi beribu maaf tapi saya tidak peduli dengan apa yang anda ucapkan, dan anda tidak bisa menyakiti saya dengan ucapan anda. Silakan saja kalau anda mau pesta karma buruk, yang jelas saya tidak mau ikut-ikutan di acara anda. Saya punya hidup saya sendiri, and it's damn good!

The Haters (As If I Care)

An acquintance of mine made a rude remark about me and my partner, and it stings. I wanted to slap him hard for saying such rude thing, but I didn't. I walked away instead and think.

What was it that made me so upset? His sheer ignorance? He is no better than I am, and my life is definitely better than his. So why should I be upset? The fact is, I shouldn't. I should be upset and feel superior if the remark was made by someone that I looked up, or even honor. As it was not the case, I better shrugged it away because (for me) his words doesnt count anyway.

And of course, there's the Karma thing. I sadly admit that I may have made some rude remarks of my own. And as I have rather thoughtlessly said things about him, I can only accept when he thoughtlessly said things about me. All is fair, right? Wrong. I don't want to get trapped in this cycle. I don't want to do bad things because I hate someone, and then have to accept bad karma accordingly. Simply put, if one makes me annoyed enough to hate him/her, it is better to officially move that person to "I-don't-care" territory since being indifferent takes less energy than actively hate someone.

I'm sorry dude, but your words mean nothing to me, or even hurting me in the slightest. You can feast in your bad karma, but thanks, I definitely wont join your party. I got my own life, and it's damn good!

Let's Fall in Love (For Eternity)

Seconds make minutes
Minutes make hours
Hours make days
Days make weeks
Weeks make months
Months make years
Years make centuries
Centuries make millenias
Millenias make eternity
Let's fall in love
Let's enjoy what we have to the fullest
Let's live up to the moment
Down to every fleeting glimpse, every shortest laughter, every smallest smile
Those precious moment in those shortest second will become eternity
And I want to spend the eternity in love and happiness
So let's fall in love, you and I
Let's enjoy what we have, every smallest details
Let's spend an eternity together
Let's fall in love