Dear Indra

I never told you I love you. 

Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. As always, I took for granted that you knew. I also took for granted that you will be there forever. There will be time to say goodbye, I thought. There will be time to prepare myself. But there never was. And the text messages that I've never sent, the statuses that I've never comment on, all of those will remain unsent and unread. Will it be less painful if I could say goodbye to you? Will it be less sad if I could be with you till the end, even if it's only in prayer? Who knows. It might just be as sad, now that I know I can never return to you.

That's the thing though. I have always return to you. Life is easy when you have someone on your back. Life is less complicated when you know you will never be alone. It's like riding a bike with training wheels, you can go as fast as you want without worrying that you might fall. That's what friends are for. They're the candles and the matches that you keep in your drawer, hidden from sight but gave you a sense of calmness when there is a blackout. They're the small change that you hid in the deepest part of your wallet, a safeguard for when the rainy (read: broke) days come. And you, I have always return to you in my days of despair. 

You're funny, you're nice, you're dedicated and professional. I know everyone has said this about you. But you are also kind, full of dreams, and believe in other people's positive trait. You don't judge. You made me believe in myself. You encouraged me to be active and take the first step to my (now) happily-ever-after. And then you made me feel like I actually deserved it. You can easily be that jealous or cynical friend, but no, you are not and I can't ever see you like that. That is just not you. 

Maybe if I told you more that I love you, you would stay a little longer. Maybe if I told you how precious you are, you would still be here for a little while. But maybe you are just tired and wanted to rest, and it is perfectly fine. I know you know how much I care about you. I know you know how sorry I am for not being able to be with you in your last moment. You have always prayed for me, for my happiness; now let me pray for you. I love you my dear friend. Thank you for giving me the honor to be a part of your life. Rest in Peace.

Geek T-Shirt: An Enlightenment In Process

My favorite online store had a sale today, 2 for 1 T-shirt sale. I can't tell you how excited I was to see the T-shirt that I had wanted for so long is finally on sale and that I can justify myself to purchase it. The problem is, I need to get another shirt to fully use the 2 for 1 promo. So off I went on my expedition to the unknown, trying to find the one that is destined for me. Or something that is at least nice enough for me to wear. Some instantly caught my eyes, like the Dia de las Muertas Star Wars character. It's passable enough, even though I am not exactly a Star Wars fans, but others were completely foreign to me. Had I been shopping in Amazon or other generic online store, I won't hesitate to be ignorant and just choose whatever I find fancy. Yet in this store I felt the pressure to actually know the things that I purchase, since it is sort of a specialty store. It enraged me.

I mean, come on. Yes, I never read Marvel or DC comics, or any comics except the ones that I randomly found in the library and that wasn't much. I never watch Walking Dead, I don't even watch any TV series in that matter. I have no idea who Deadpool is, and I know Spiderman and Batman and Superman only from old TV shows where Batman has the dad bod and comic bubbles. But. But! Why can't I buy whatever I like? Why can't I buy the cool tee with the cool picture of the spaceship in the sky, even though I have absolutely no idea what Normandy SR-2 is? Why can't I buy the Darth Vader Galactic Tour shirt that looks absolutely rad, even though I have never ever watch even a single Star Wars movie till the end? Why can't I buy Carol Corp tee even though I have never even heard about this character before? I can do whatever I want, right?!

My overly creative mind churned and whirled, and I was set to write an article on how categorization and labeling hurt everyone's perspective and making them unnecessarily boxed and eventually clashed against each other. I was set to tell the world that before coming to US I have no idea what nerds and geeks mean, and I feel no pressure to justify my purchase. If I like Cookie Monster, then for the love of cookie I will buy his T-shirt and no one will even wink. I did not feel pressurized, threatened, uncomfortable on making a simple purchased until I come to US. That means US is the one that has it wrong, right? If it feels okay before, and it feels worse now, then naturally the new condition is less favorable for me. Logic, my friend, logic.

Of course, one laundry load later I started to see that my logic is wrong. There is nobody that could stop me from wearing whatever I want, whether I am actually a fan girl or I just wear it with blissful ignorance. Nobody would stop me and say, "Excuse me, but please don't use your gorgeous pumps to walk in the mud. It is such a blasphemy to all fashionista in the world." There isn't any law passed that somebody has to be a skater to actually donning the skater style, or that you have to be really into Nirvana to adapt the grunge style. And yes, I can don whatever comic/movie/book character I want on my t-shirt, and nobody, absolutely nobody has the right to complain. Except my conscience. And that's what's stopping me.

Somehow, I get it. I just get it. It wasn't out of fear that the 'knowing' people (a.k.a the true fans) will judge me. If they did, I would simply give them a royal middle finger salute anyway. I dislike narrow-minded and judgmental people, and throughout this blog it's a recurrent theme to remind my readers on how NOT to be narrow-minded and judgmental people. What I did, what's stopping me from buying and wearing things in blissful ignorance is my respect to these guys, the true fans. It may be just something cool to me, but to them it is something that is truly important. Don't laugh or judge guys, I also think Superbowl is not important and your obsession with beer and bacon to be totally ridiculous. Yet to some of you guys, it's pretty much defined your life. 

I know the squirming feeling inside when somebody mention how hot Emma Stone/Hermione is, and how hard for me to resist the urge to throw the complete series at their face and screamed, "She is more than that!! Read the effing book, will ya???". I know the crushing feeling when I watched The Hobbit and it was absolutely nothing like the book, or when people say they just love Lord of The Ring but has no idea about the great years that come after Saruman was killed in the Shire. I know it all too well. And I can't justify inflicting the same feeling towards other by forcing my right to wear something, especially when I wear it in ignorance. Just because I can do that, it doesn't mean I should.

It's just a T-shirt, you say? Sure, but imagine how peaceful and how civilized the world will be if everyone set their "Me!" aside and be more considerate to other people's feeling. To some of us, they're just cool looking t-shirts, to others these shirts represent an important (and very dear) part of their life. Almost like a culture, even. And what's stopping us from respecting other people's culture? None. None except our own ignorance. As trivial as it sounds, these t-shirts remind me of how important it is to be courteous and respectful towards things that I don't really know about. I only wished more people would realize this, like the people that did topless pics in the sacred Angkor Wat in Cambodia, or people who uses ultra-short shorts and disrespectfully bugged us as we try to conduct our prayers in the temple in Bali. Trust me, the world could be a better place if we just learn to understand things instead of forcing our own beliefs.

It's up to us to dispel the initial feeling of repression when encounter a new culture. Yes, you can think it as "Their place, their rule" (and that includes the specialty shop) and be totally bummed about it, feeling that your right has been curbed or worse, trampled. Or you can just chill out and try to understand that these guys are just trying to protect something important to them; and if you don't really get what it is, it's totally okay as well. You don't have to force yourself to fit in, and at the same time, you definitely shouldn't force other people to fit in your standard. Nobody's perfect, because perfection means one standardized thing and each of us human is unique. Embrace our differences. We are, after all, not a bunch of Stormtroopers. Sorry, can't help myself ;). 

Islam yang Bombastis

Pagi ini di timeline fesbuk saya ada berita "Mengungkap berita hoax tentang Rohingya. Seperti biasa ada komen: "Dunia tidak peduli Islam, makanya tidak dicover media!". Saya suka garuk2 kepala kalo baca komen begini. Amrik sini segala sesuatu yang berkaitan dgn Islam itu jadi hot topic, laris bener. Not in a good way sih, karena yang baca dan komen biasanya yang garis keras anti Islam; but it sells. Itu aja masalahnya, media (termasuk blog-blog kecil yang ceritanya bernuansa Islami) cuma jualan hal-hal yang laku dijual.

Coba pikir, kenapa bisa jauh lebih banyak berita umat Muslim dianiaya dengan bombastis dibandingkan cerita2 orang biasa yang menjalankan Islam secara benar? Kayak orang di Amrik sini yg keliling semua negara bagian US untuk mengumandangkan Adzan? Coba pikir deh, itu kan berarti fokusnya bukan berusaha bikin umat damai dan menjalankan Islam sebagaimana mestinya untuk mendapat kedamaian, tapi cuma demi rating dan profit saja. Sama saja dengan koran Lampu Merah atau Poskota.

Bukan cuma Islam lho, semua agama juga 'berdosa' akan bias ini. Untuk hal apapun bahkan (diet, kesehatan, style, etc), biasanya dicari yang bombastis dan heboh nggak jelas, apalagi yang sampe ngejatuhin n ngejelekin pihak lain. Kontroversi kayak gini laris ris ris. Tinggal kitanya yang mengerdilkan nilai kita sebagai manusia, karena ketauan kita 'seneng' berita buruk dan tidak percaya/berprasangka sama orang lain. Dan dengan terus membaca berita-berita kontroversial tersebut tanpa mengecek kebenarannya, yang kita asah cuma sisi jelek kita saja. Mau terus begitu?

Kalo mau bilang media yang anti Islam, asal tahu saja bahwa media memberitakan pembunuhan massal umat Islam di Afrika, tapi beritanya nggak sampe sini. Bahkan situs2 model Pks Piyungan pun nggak memberitakan. Kenapa? Karena orang Afrika nggak laku 'dijual', kita pembaca Indonesia nggak bisa ngerasa friend/sekeluarga dgn orang-orang ini. Kalo yang sesama Asia dan/atau timteng lain cerita. Boko Haram juga nggak ada gaungnya, padahal yang dibunuhi sesama umat Muslim. Lagi2 karena bukan TimTeng. 

Tapi lagi-lagi balik ke kitanya sebagai pembaca. Di timeline fesbuk saya lebih banyak sharingan tentang Muslim yang dianiaya atau teori konspirasi bagaimana dunia mencoba menekan Muslim. Yang bombastis lah intinya. Sementara postingan yang bikin adem dan bikin saya tersenyum bahagia sambil bilang "Oh ini toh indah/damainya Islam..." jarang banget. Ini saja sudah menunjukkan 'selera pembaca', jadi jangan menyalahkan media saja. Anda juga ngeklik link saya karena penasaran dengan kata Bombastis nya kan? Persis seperti rokok, sudah tahu ga ada faedahnya tapi tetap saja dilakukan, sudah gitu bilangnya "Toh bukan alkohol, nggak dilarang agama." Biar nggak dilarang, tapi kalau bawa kejelekan untuk kita kenapa dilakukan?

Sekarang ini semua jadi komoditas, jadi bahan jualan. Apalagi di masa keterbukaan informasi yang bikin orang jadi bingung siapa diri mereka, karena kalau tidak pintar memilah informasi rasanya seperti kaki di langit dan kepala di tanah. Agama adalah hal yang paling tepat sasaran untuk mengidentifikasi siapa diri kita, untuk membuat kita merasa kita punya grup, we belong to something. Walhasil jadi dieksploitasi habis-habisan, sampe jualan kosmetik juga ngebawa-bawa agama. Atau yang paling laris: berita bombastis. Anda nggak gerah gitu dibodohi media terus-menerus dan bahkan jatuh ke neraka hidup penuh kebencian cuma demi profit mereka? Dunia ini indah dan damai lho, kalau anda memilih untuk melihat dunia sebagai tempat yang indah dan damai.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/10/central-african-republic-christian-militias-revenge