Food, Glorious Food

"We have been trapped here for so long. Thousands of us are sealed in a limbo, alive but not fully alive. It has been so long. It has been too long. If I had senses I would notice the disturbance in the air, I might have even notice that our time has come. Alas, even if I had senses I wouldn't know what's happening in my inactive condition. The splash of warm water wakes me up. Where are we? What happened? How long were we inactive? It doesn't matter though. We have been released from our captivity, we are fully awake, and our basic need trumps everything else. The food source is readily available, and we the survivors gobble it like a bunch of maniacs. God knows how long this food could last, but it will do us no harm to keep satiating ourselves. The need to reproduce comes next, and soon our group has become much larger, and it grew larger ever since. It is a bliss to be in that state, with food in abundance and the family in sight, with our genetic lines ensured and all is prosperous. Nothing last forever though. The heat comes like a thief in the night, and swiftly murder almost everyone. Some that survive tried their hardest to conquer it, and valiantly (and stubbornly) refuse to die over the heat. All to no avail. In the end, everyone is gone. And with this, I take my leave too...

Epilogue: [the sound of a little girl] "Mommy, is the bread ready yet?" "

I love food. I really, really love food. Of all the things that man creates, food is the true bridge between God, nature, and human. Not religion, not music or art, but food, glorious food. You might think I am weird, but think about it. Food producing requires full cooperation between nature (which is created by God) and human. Nature can produce food by itself, but it is up to human to nurture nature in order to get enough food for everyone. Not only that, human can also mixed different food together and using the natural resources (e.g. heat) that has been adapted to suit the purpose to create a new mashed-up food that is fulfilling both for body and soul. We can help nature to create food, and we can make it taste a whole lot better. What is better or more awesome than that?

True, human interference with nature has not always been good. The rise of the human population, for example, increase the need for basic food and therefore increasing areas designated for food producing or over exerting the current available food source. Yet this is not about the politic of food, this writing is about the miracle of food. I called it a miracle because there is no other way to describe it. Every living thing that we eat, be it vegetables, grains, meat, have life in them. Each has numerous living breathing cells that minded their own business until we made them into a part of our body by the act of eating them. Inside our body those cells and other chemical inside our food provided us with energy and also with more 'building blocks' such as minerals and vitamins to repair ourselves. This is what eating is all about. Even though the chemistry of food digestion can be taught, it still feels like a miracle to me that an unassuming living thing can power our body, and that we basically live from the life energy transferred from our previously-alive food. 

Food is also about satisfaction, and about art and delight as well. A bread is good, but a nice, fluffy tasty bread is a lot better. Even those who claimed they know nothing about art can easily express themselves with food. We often eat on impulses, chowing whatever things our body needed in that exact time. Sometimes we need salt, sometimes it's carbohydrate, sometimes it's water; we listened - often unconsciously - to our body. Yet there will be time where we want to simply feel good and feel comfortable about ourselves, and food is the easiest and surest way to achieve that. You can dressed up your food anyway you like it, there is never right or wrong in eating food. Some like things extra salty, some prefer extra spicy, some prefer bland food, all to his/her own. You are the master of your own food.

If those are not enough reasons to love food, there is also the fact that we can learn more about a certain area's geography and way of life just from their food. The kind of spices and produce that one use in traditional cooking tells us about the spice and produce locally grown in the said area. How it is cooked (or eaten) will tell us about their way of life and even clues about what can they do or cannot do in terms of cooking. Oven, for instance, is not really a popular thing in Bali. However, we are used in steaming or grilling things instead. I guess it have something to do with making quick meals (oven can take longer than steaming and grilling) and difficulty to maintain such hot temperature for a long time. In a way, it is easy enough to go "Around the World in 80 Dishes" to appreciate the big, vast world we live in. 

Yet after all said and done, we human are still guilty about how we treat our food. No, I am not talking about the mistreatment of nature or the inhumane act against animals as food source. I am talking about our wastefulness. Even though food is valuable for our body, even though food gives us satisfaction and connect us with nature and the world in general, we still manage to overlook them and casually just throwing it in the garbage. When you prepare your food or in the act of eating your food, please always remember to take (or prepare) only what you need. The same goes with buying produce. The goal is always, always try to have as little waste as possible. The more efficient you eat, the less stress you put in nature (and food producers) about creating enough food for everyone. And if that does not move you, remember that everything you eat at one point was a living thing too, even the harmless looking vegetables. They may not moo or oink like cows and pig, but grains and vegetables and other plant-based food are alive to at one point, and it is only natural that we appreciate them by not casually throwing them in the trash can over some little bruises or wilt. There are ways to convert your organic waste such as making them into compost or feed them to animals, but if those options are not viable for you you can always buy and eat only what you need. 

The hardest part for me is to remember to say thank you after every meal, or at least before I go to bed. There are times when I will feel the world is against me, or that I hate the world so much. During those time, all I need is some good food and the world will feel so much better instantly. As a matter of fact, food is what keeps life worth living. For that dear food, and also for the fact you've been keeping me alive all this years, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you!

Saya dan Mister Bule

Dulu saya sampai sumpah-sumpah di hadapan teman-teman saya, ga akan pernah saya pacaran sama yang namanya bule, kecuali kalau Bule itu singkatan Bulu Lebat (ehem..!). Umur semakin menjelang pun saya tetap keukeuh untuk tidak mencari bule. Ga sudi, jawab saya pada teman-teman yang berbaik hati mencarikan pasangan, mending jomblo daripada sama bule. Lalu di umur saya yang ke 31 saya pindah ke Amerika agar bisa bersama si Akang bule tercinta. Waduh.

Waktu saya membaca cerita tentang Fani si Bule Hunter, saya jadi teringat cerita saya juga. Alasan saya tidak suka bule sama dengan alasan yang dikemukakan Fani: saya ga mau dianggap tampang babu karena bule biasanya suka tampang babu, saya ga mau sama orang yang songong karena biasanya bule suka nganggap rendah orang Indonesia, saya ga mau dianggap matre dan gampangan karena biasanya yang suka bule itu matre dan gampangan. Di sebuah pesta seorang kenalan saya dengan entengnya bilang ke saya, jangan mau bergaul dengan si Xx (yang mana adalah teman saya DAN penyelenggara pesta tersebut) karena dia nakal dan suka mengejar-ngejar bule. Bujug buneng, pikir saya, segitu antinya orang dengan 'bule hunter'. Nggak ada deh ceritanya saya mau sama bule.

Sewaktu saya bekerja di Bali (yang notabene isinya bule semua) pemikiran saya jadi berubah. Banyak juga bule yang pasangannya orang Indonesia yang cantik ala model. Biasanya semakin tinggi pendidikan dan status sosial si bule tersebut maka semakin tinggi juga ekspektasinya. Ga cukup cuma berpenampilan eksotis saja, sang wanita pun harus bisa 'nyambung' dan cerdas. Sebaliknya, bule kelas teri pun cuma bisa menggaet wanita yang kelas teri juga. Sama seperti hubungan pacaran biasa, sebenarnya. Kesongongan pun tergantung sama kelasnya si bule tersebut. Lagi-lagi yang berpendidikan akan cenderung lebih sopan daripada yang tidak, sama saja dengan abang mikrolet versus orang kantoran. Semua yang dituduhkan terhadap bule sebenarnya bisa dipakai untuk orang Indonesia juga, kita saja yang sibuk rasis sendiri.

Tapi saya tetap tidak mau sama bule. Di Asia [timur] kulit putih dianggap menarik karena dianggap simbol kemakmuran. Kalau anda memiliki kulit putih mulus, berarti anda cukup berada untuk tidak harus melakukan pekerjaan kasar seperti bertani. Di negara barat sebaliknya, kulit gelap dianggap menarik karena terlihat sehat. Itulah kenapa Tanning Salon laris manis di Amerika, terutama di kawasan pantainya. Saya pribadi penganut ke-macho-an tingkat tinggi. Cowok harus cowok, gitu lho. Pasangan ideal menurut saya adalah yang berkulit gelap dengan badan yang oke dan kemampuan bela diri/musik/kegiatan cowok lainnya. Saya tidak suka orang kulit putih yang terlihat seperti udang rebus saat terbakar matahari. Ga seksi bo'. Inilah kenapa saya juga tidak bisa lagi menjudge para bule hunter, bisa jadi beberapa dari mereka memang dasarnya hanya bisa tergugah atau terpesona dengan kulit putih dan penampakan fisik para bule ini, seperti halnya saya hanya bisa tergugah oleh pria-pria bertampang berandalan. Selera tidak bisa dipaksa toh? Lalu saya bertemu dengan si Akang, dan saya pun belajar kalau selera itu bisa dirubah.

Seperti cerita Fani, saya akhirnya mencoba peruntungan dengan bule karena frustasi dengan cowok Indonesia. Masuk grup pencarian jodoh di Facebook malah jadi sakit hati karena yang laris manis adalah cewek-cewek yang cute dan putih ala model atau anggota JKT48. Pasang foto profil yang normal dicuekin saat mencoba mengajak chatting atau mengirimkan friend request, tapi pasang foto profil yang agak berani malah diajak 'main' terus. Cari jodoh di kalangan keluarga juga begitu, lengkap dengan wanti-wanti: "Jangan banyak omong, jangan keliatan terlalu pintar, kurangi berat badan, pakai makeup yang rapi" dan seterusnya. Padahal dari segi skill professional saya rasa saya lebih baik dari kebanyakan orang, kenapa saya yang harus low profile biar dapat pasangan. Sakit hati kan. Sementara pekerjaan saya tidak memungkinkan saya untuk bertemu orang baru, karena job desc saya cuma diam di kantor membalas e-mail. Setelah sekian lama stress akhirnya saya pun mengiyakan saran teman untuk bergabung di online dating. Saya butuh teman ngobrol. Saya butuh teman yang bisa diajak tertawa dan berdiskusi tentang hal-hal yang menarik. Saat itu saya sudah ditipu setidaknya oleh 3 cowok Indonesia yang mengaku single padahal tidak, sudah diajak selingkuh setidaknya oleh 4 cowok lain, sudah dilabrak oleh setidaknya 2 pasangan yang marah (dan saya tidak tahu apa masalahnya), dan tidak terhitung banyaknya ajakan 'main'. Mending bule, batin saya, paling nggak bisa diajak ngobrol dan ga usah berharap. Saat itu saya sudah melepas harapan untuk bisa menikah dan punya suami, dan saya jelas tidak mau menikah dengan bule. Nothing to lose lah istilahnya. Mana saya tahu saya malah akhirnya dapat si Akang dan menjalani 'Hidup Bahagia Selamanya'.

Awalnya saya tengsin dan malu. Bener lho, saya sempat malu gimana gitu punya pacar bule, kesannya saya nggak laku banget sampai harus nyari bule. Tapi semakin lama saya bersama si Akang, semakin saya sadar: bule juga manusia. Katanya bule suka gatal dan hobi gonta-ganti pasangan kanan kiri, tapi banyak kenalan saya yang juga hobi perempuan. Katanya bule gombal dan ga bisa dipercaya, cowok Indonesia juga banyak yang model playboy kampung begitu. Katanya bule sok kaya padahal kere; tapi gimana ga sok kaya kalau biasanya $1 cuma dapat burger mini di Burger King di Indonesia bisa makan warteg lengkap, apalagi OKB di Indonesia kelakuan juga begitu. Intinya, apapun yang dituduhkan terhadap bule sebenarnya bisa dituduhkan juga terhadap orang Indonesia. Para bule hunter yang digadang-gadang ga punya harga diri pun sebenarnya demikian. Apa bedanya para bule hunter yang mengejar bule demi gaya hidup atau kemakmuran dengan wanita lain yang mengejar orang kaya lokal [juga] demi gaya hidup atau kemakmuran? Kelakuan sama, cuma obyeknya saja yang berbeda. Bukan hanya bule, orang Indonesia pun banyak yang mengaku-ngaku kaya padahal kere. Pertanyaannya, apa iya anda akan menikahi seseorang tanpa memeriksa terperinci ekonominya atau bahkan sekedar apa pekerjaannya? Saya malah kasihan sama bule itu, apalagi kalau memang bule itu benar-benar sayang tapi ternyata hanya diporotin. Kalau begini yang 'jahat' siapa? Lagi-lagi, dilema kematrean ini bisa terjadi pada pasangan non-bule sekalipun. Anda mau bilang seperti apapun, tidak ada hal berarti yang secara spesifik membedakan hubungan bule-Indonesia dengan hubungan Indonesia-Indonesia.

Walaupun begitu, saya cuma bisa geleng kepala melihat para bule hunter yang secara aktif bermanja pada para bule dan melihat rendah pada orang Indonesia. Saya pernah beberapa kali bertemu dengan orang-orang seperti ini, yang tiba-tiba jadi ramah setelah tahu pasangan saya bule juga. Rasanya saya pengen bilang, "Udahlah mbak-mbak, mereka juga cuma manusia kok. Bulenya mereka nggak bisa menular ke Mbak, dan kalaupun bisa ditularkan kebulean itu ngga lebih superior dari ke-Indonesia-an kita kok..." Saya bukannya anti diskriminasi terhadap orang Indonesia, saya anti diskriminasi terhadap manusia secara keseluruhan. Saya juga kadang suka pakai baju ala barat, summer dress yang unyu-unyu dan bikini misalnya (walau saya terlihat seperti paus terdampar), tapi nggak berarti saya lebih stylish daripada mbak-mbak yang main dipantai dengan busana lengkap (kaos dan celana pendek). Dan biar pasangan saya bule pun, nggak berarti saya jadi lebih keren daripada yang pasangannya orang Indonesia. Saya lebih keren karena si akang memang keren secara keseluruhan. [Sandal melayang]. 

In the end, bule juga (cuma) manusia; ada yang baik dan ada yang kupret. Seperti halnya dalam setiap hubungan, kalau anda memiliki niatan tulus untuk menjalin hubungan yang baik dan barokah maka niscaya hubungan anda pun bisa baik terlepas dari ras pasangan anda; sebaliknya, kalau niatan anda untuk numpang tenar dan hidup gratisan, jangan harap dapat pasangan yang baik dan menyayangi anda apa adanya. Fair is fair toh? Hidup di luar negeri pun tidak selalu seindah di film-film, sebagaimana saya ceritakan di seri Corat Coret dari Amerika. Kalau anda saat ini masih sibuk menggosipkan orang karena ia berpasangan dengan bule, atau sebaliknya kalau anda saat ini masih sibuk merancang strategi untuk mendapatkan pasangan bule demi perbaikan nasib, saran saya cuma satu: sudah, sudah. Anda tidak mau didiskriminasi/diperlakukan berbeda karena ras anda bukan? Jadi kenapa anda memperlakukan para bule ini berbeda? Happy Monday everyone :)

Update 2016: Pengen tahu akhir cerita saya? Baca disini (update 2017) dan disini (update 2016) ya... :)

Good Morning Los Angeles

Good morning Los Angeles, I love you today.

For the first time ever I see a cloudy, chilly Los Angeles morning. It seems kinder and less menacing than the usual harsh sunny Los Angeles mornings. It makes me feel good and full of hope. I can do this. I know I can do this.

I like LA for all its worth. It is full of diversity and thriving with life. The downtown area is enchanting and fun, while our little neighborhood is full with families and children's laughter can be heard from the alleyway on sunny afternoons. It is far more alive than any other cities in US that I have ever been to, and so far, far more exciting. There are always new things to do, new museums to visit, new adventures to experienced; it is a place where taking home your pizza in whole is an adventure in itself. But I am so far from all of those. Even though we would roam the city now and then, I stayed home most of the time trying to write and get my life in order. Slowly but sure the loneliness is killing me, and as now I have give up full time writing and focus on trying to get a job instead. I have no friends here that I can talk with in daily basis, and I barely meet anyone except when I go out for an errand. The only way I can be a part of the community again is to join one, yet I am struggling to do so. A job would be an ideal gateway to the community, but I have been wallowing in despair instead. 

I have always seen myself as the dream maker, and I love it. I lured and wowed my clients, promising them a slice of heaven and delivering that promise to them. All of these were achieved with minimal tools/equipment, and with a carte blanche from my superior. I can do whatever I want to do to ensure the customer's satisfaction, so I did. It was creative, it was challenging, it was fun. Yet here in LA, I have yet to see any job vacancy that came even close to what I did back home. Everything seemed so dull and repetitive; and I can't imagine myself, after being so used with making dreams come true, to be another anonymous copying and faxing and filing, or making countless phone calls to 'leads' and tried to assigned them to a service they do not need. I can't help feeling in despair, that from being drive by chauffeur to fancy resorts and helping to make weddings worth thousands of dollars come true, I had to resort in being the small fish, or even tadpole, in the pond. Which I never did in the first place. I had the luck to somehow manage to land myself in good companies, ones that are considered 'better' than their competitors. I am the posh girl, or was.

It is ancient history, though. Here I am, not in Bali or Jakarta. Here my English skill is not my trump card anymore, as it has been since my professional years; here it is a hindrance. Where before I used my English to get my foot in the door and let my professional skills slid by as an afterthought, here I have to convince my future employers about my professional skills and hope they won't make too much fuss about my imperfect English. If I can sell a $1500 short-time photography package by emails only (and to people that live thousands of miles away), then I can 'sell' myself as effective as well. Even if I had to start from the bottom, I know I am smart enough to race myself to the top. I can do this. Isn't it amazing on how big of a difference the mood of the sky could make? I know I won't have such determination if I started the day with the heat of Los Angeles sun blasting through, yet this outcast weather showed me that the city is conquerable, that there is still hope.

I want to do more in this city. I want to be successful in this city, at least successful enough so I can do simple things that I like, such as eating ramen at Little Tokyo or visiting all of Los Angeles' museums. I want to have friends and feel how it is like to be a part of this community, this vibrant city. I want to feel home in this city. All of those require me to snap out from my despair and to conquer my fear, to courageously go where I have never gone before. I am scared, I am frightened, I want to go home. Yet this is my home, at least for now; and I refuse to let life and fear defeat me. I will stumble along the way, crying in despair: "No more, no more", but I will and I have to keep on moving. This is my life. I can make it work. I can do this.