Let The Good Times Roll

I love my bus drivers. Yes, I met a few arrogant ones and a few that totally hate their jobs; but the majority of them are sooo nice and friendly. This evening one of them tried to make up the lateness by honking furiously at my next connection, which was on the verge of leaving the bus stop. The driver stopped to let me in thanks to the honking code, but not before he teased me by pretending not letting me in. It is 7.26 pm, I have been on the road since 6.06 am, yet I am grinning from ear to ear.

You know what can possibly topped that? A fellow passenger that said to me: "So glad you made it! I saw you running and I was hoping you can catch this bus." This was a cool unassuming African-American whom I always saw on the same bus, but never thought she actually give a damn about me. And oh man her smile! She was genuinely happy to see me manage to catch that bus instead of waiting for another 30 min. I mean come on, I got my bath waiting for me at home. And my bed too.

I think it should be mandatory for people to experience public transportation for at least a good 6 months or so. Here in LA the public transportation was pretty good, at least compared to Jakarta. Yes, there are some sketchy routes, and the transfer policy for some busses makes it expensive to ride on. But you'll learn oh so much. Last Sunday I learn that "Get off me you Trump!" could be considered as a valid insult. I learn to keep my head down when there is alterceration or shouting match. I learn to keep to myself when there's sketchy people around.

You know what else I learn? I learn that the smile on a young man's face when I said "thank you for chatting with me" was priceless. I learn that you can help people easily, from teaching them how to use a new app to finding a route with your Google map. I learn that it feels oh so great, being about 8000 miles from home, when somebody (a.k.a the bus drivers) said "Sorry you're late for work, will you be ok?". Like, the busses are pretty much my limo, albeit one that I shared with 20 something people. And don't even start with the jaw dropped gaze and various "Wow, you're beautiful!".

Public transportation is a place where you learn to be human, where you learn about other humans. Where else can you see the true face of humanity other than when you were stuck with a bunch of them inside an unpredictable iron beast. This time no cheating too, it's as assorted as Bertie Botts All Flavored Beans, ranging from caramel to earwax. And lest forget about patience and some good ol' zen exercise. Finding your zen when you are in a warm sweet smelling (yoga) studio is easy; finding it in a crowded bus with various chattering noises while trying to decide on whether you should stop at the next stop and Uber yourself instead because you are already so damn late would be an interesting challenge, yes?

We humans are annoying piece of sh*t. This much is true. No matter how good you are, no matter how sweet you are, someone is bound to hate you. But the opposite is also true. No matter how pathetic and agonizing/aggravating you are, someone is bound to love you, someone is bound to see the good in you. However, this is a matter of perception. It's back to how you want to see people, or to be exact, how ready are you to see people; not just physically, but to see them whole as human. This feat requires understanding, a big heart, an even bigger mind, combined with the smallest ego you can maintain. Will you, for instance, cried loudly (in your mind) about how useless and trashy and a waste of oxygen is the dirty (and seemingly) homeless man in the back seat who keep ranting throughtout the trip? Or will you feel sorry for him to be in such pain that he had to let it out to the world like that?

Taking the public transportation, for me, is almost second nature. I am a very social being (with extremely introverted personality) and I enjoy being with people, being amongst people. Crazy people on the bus scared me, and I have to admit there are many times I wish I could drive and own a car instead of spending hours on the bus. At the same time though, these people on the bus are my family. A sort of broken dysfunctional family in which we don't even know each other, but still a family. And ideally, that's how the world should be. We are all family. Regardless on how we are taught to think or how we look, our fear, our emotion, and our hopes and dreams remain the same. 

Tomorrow I have to get up by 5.40 am, and probably wont sleep till 10.40 pm. I could use more sleep. But hey, I could also use all those smiles and good vibes from my commute. Let the wheels on the bus go round and round, let the train on the track go clickity clack, let them serve the people and become the artery of the city and its surroundings. And baby, let the good times roll.

Winter Blues

"I'm fine. I'll be fine," I whispered to myself as I grab another tissue and furiously wiped my tears. It's not even noon yet and I was already in tears, a too-typical scenario that I thought would never ever happen again now that I am not with my ex anymore. But it happened, and this time there was no one to blame. It's just life.

A part of me was making tons of excuses: the weather swings (from heat-stroke sunny days to gloomy-ass rainy days), my period, the fact that yes it has only been 3 months since the divorce was filed and naturally I am still grieving, the new life that I have right now, me overstretching myself to be better and burned myself out in the process. Another part of me, a more logical part of me simply berate me for being weak and questioned my existence. Yeah, she's not that nice, but useful though to push me above my limit.

I get it. I know my limit. I know things I can do and things that I can't do. I can do the things that I wanted or needed to do. Yet at the same time, I am not ready. Haven't we all been there? The feeling that we just can't? I feel like walking in quicksand (not that I actually did), or in a sinking boat. It's the feeling that the end is near and there is nothing to hold on too, no solid steps or rocks to step on. I know in the end I will be able to lift myself up and save myself from whatever it is, but right now it feels so overwhelming and I can't shake off that desperate and melancholy feeling.

It is not so bad, actually. It's hard to stay depressed when you are aware how good life is. The next good food, the next genuine smile, the next funny joke, and I'll be as happy as a bee in a summer day. Normally. Yet it doesn't always happen like that. Sometimes you are so down and so blue that nothing could lift your spirit, not even your favorite things or favorite food or (gasps!) favorite person. And it's fine. You just need to ride it out.

Sometimes people don't get it, or overlook it when trying to make the other person feeling better. "Cheer up, buttercup!" "There are worse things in life." "You can do it!!". To their credit, it hurts to see the person you care about, or heaven forbid, the person you look up to, being down in the dump like that. Unfortunately, feelings don't work that way. Telling somebody to cheer up when they're down is like telling somebody to grow an inch or two in an instant. Feeling, especially negative ones, need to be ridden out; and the best thing you can do for someone is to tell them these words: "I know you are in a bad place. Take your time. I will wait for you until you are ready."

We can't change our emotion from happy to 'normal' or sad to 'normal' in an instant, just as we can't change our height or weight or skin color in an instant. We can change our emotion or feeling if there is a strong enough trigger, but even the strongest trigger won't necessarily work if we are already holed up in our own little world. Feelings, emotions, they wane off. Nothing last forever, no matter how hard you try to hold on to them (but if the feeling/emotion does stay, you might have a pathological issue). All we can do is ride them off until it doesn't matter anymore and we can 'snap' out of it.

As much as I want to say that it is a sign of weakness, it is not. Being sad, being hurt, being physically and/or emotionally overwhelmed is a valid enough reason to went into the chute, the abyss of desperation. Heck, you feel you. We don't need to explain or apologize or make excuse on how we really feel. We can talk about it to make us feel better and to not alienate our love ones, but no excuses needed. Discussion, not excuses, just as Hallows, not Horcruxes. But sometimes, when you can't even bring yourself to talk, rejoice in your silence. It is ok to be depressed.

Since winter is approaching, this might be an issue for a lot of people. I can feel myself (and my sanity) being dragged deeper and deeper in my desperation every passing day. It is funny I never realize how dependent I am with the sun, or scientifically, to vitamin D3. Some say taking additional Vitamin D3 might ease the winter blues (such romantic name for such uncool and horrifying time of the year), but do take them responsibly. Just talking to you readers like this already making me feel better. I still feel like the world is coming to an end, but I don't really give a sh*t about that anymore. Stay warm dear reader, and stay sunny. Winter can't last forever, nor our sadness and desperation. We'll be just fine.

Pelajaran dari Belanja Online

Untuk Natal tahun ini kami (tepatnya saya) memutuskan untuk mencoba belanja hadiah lewat online. Ada dua kali pengiriman, dan dua-duanya sedikit 'bermasalah', walau ujung-ujungnya saya yang diuntungkan. 

Pemesanan pertama lewat Amazon, saya membeli dua buah buku diskon dan mendapat free shipping. Ternyata paket saya dikirim saat saya tidak dirumah dan ditaruh di depan pintu apartemen saya, dan saat saya sampai dirumah paket itu sudah lenyap. Stress kan. Saya langsung menelepon Fedex (jasa kurir yang dipakai), dan Amazon. Suami saya blang mereka tidak akan mau membantu, saya buang-buang waktu saja. Surprise, surprise. Amazon langsung meminta maaf (padahal bukan salah mereka) dan mengirimkan gantinya dengan overnight shipping. Fedex menelepon balik keesokan harinya dan bilang mereka akan mengontak Amazon untuk menyediakan saya reimburst/ganti rugi bea pengiriman. Pemesanan kedua lewat website ThinkGeek. Kali ini semua barang sampai dengan selamat, tapi alih-alih dua boneka dan dua mug saya malah mendapat satu boneka dan tiga mug. Saya langsung mengontak mereka, dan mereka mengirimkan boneka pengganti (sama, overnight shipping juga) plus saya boleh menyimpan mug ekstra tersebut sebagai 'hadiah' dari mereka. Hebatnya, mereka benar-benar standby 24/7, jadi walau saya menelepon di akhir minggu dan tengah malam pun saya tetap bisa dibantu. Wow.

'Drama' belanja online ini membuat saya menyadari soal 'hidden cost', biaya tersembunyi. Di Amerika sini banyak orang yang tidak suka dengan korporasi/perusahaan besar, dan menganggap mereka hanyalah manusia-manusia rakus yang mengeruk uang sesamanya. Walau tidak sepenuhnya salah (siapa sih yang tidak mau jadi kaya?), namun saya rasa banyak dari hater ini tidak menyadari bahwa hidden cost ini juga membebani harga akhir barang yang mereka beli. Untuk Amazon saja mereka sudah mengeluarkan (dengan hitungan harga normal) sekitar $30 untuk buku pengganti saya dan $25 untuk overnight shipping tersebut. Untuk Thinkgeek total mereka mengeluarkan $10 untuk 'hadiah' mug saya yang mereka salah kirim, dan $25 untuk overnight shipping. Padahal saya belanjanya juga cuma sedikit. Di Amerika sini kita juga bisa mengembalikan barang yang kita beli bila kita tidak suka, bahkan barang elektronik sekalipun. Terkadang barang tersebut direparasi dan dijual setengah harga (yang lagi-lagi hidden cost), atau dibuang kalau memang tidak bisa dipakai lagi. Dengan kebijakan seperti ini saya yakin sekali hidden cost/cost risk ini sudah dimasukkan kedalam harga barang, kalau tidak bisa rugi bandar kan.

Ini pasti pengetahuan dasar bagi kalian para pembaca yang ekonom atau memiliki bisnis sendiri, tapi ini pengetahuan baru buat saya. Saya pun berpikir, bukankah hidup itu juga penuh 'hidden cost'? Sama seperti kita misuh-misuh soal perusahaan yang rakus karena harga barang yang mahal, kita juga sering misuh-misuh soal orang-orang yang tidak sesuai dengan kita, padahal kita tidak tahu soal hidden cost/apa yang terjadi pada mereka sehingga mereka seperti itu. Kita sering mencibir (dengan sirik) “enak ya jadi orang kaya/cantik”, padahal kita tidak tahu kehidupan mereka seperti apa. Selalu ada sesuatu dibalik apa yang terlihat, dan kita seringkali cuma mau melihat apa yang kita lihat. Kalau mau adil, ini juga harusnya diterapkan bahkan untuk orang-orang yang hobi membully atau menyakiti orang lain (koruptor dan penghasut misalnya); bahwa mereka pasti punya alasan tersendiri untuk menjadi seperti itu. Tapi jadi ada konflik kepentingan: membantu orang yang tertindas atau mencoba mengerti sang penindas?

Dunia ini tidak pernah hitam atau putih saja, bahkan untuk yang bilang dunia ini abu-abu, abu-abu itu ada banyak macam lho. Makanya ada buku “Fifty Shades of Grey”. Lho? Tapi serius, dunia ini tidak cuma hitam-putih, dan menurut saya tidak ada kebenaran mutlak kecuali Tuhan yang Maha Esa (yang menurut para Agnostik juga sebenarnya tidak tepat). Kita tidak tahu apa motivasi orang, apa yang membuat seseorang menjadi seperti itu, karena kita tidak mengalami apa yang ia alami dan kalaupun kita mengalaminya kekuatan mental masing-masing orang berbeda. Kita tidak pernah tahu 'hidden cost' yang dimiliki orang lain. Yang kita tahu adalah 'hidden cost' yang kita punya, apa yang membentuk diri kita sendiri. Kalau kata Michael Jackson, “I'm starting with the man in the mirror/I'm asking him to change his ways...” Terkadang sangat penting kita bersuara untuk hal-hal yang penting buat kita, tapi jangan lupa bahwa langkah pertama untuk mengubah dunia menjadi lebih baik adalah mengubah diri kita sendiri. Karena seperti yang saya bilang tadi, kita tahu 'hidden cost' kita tapi kita tidak tahu 'hidden cost' orang lain. Salam!