Jejak Digital

#JejakDigital

Di Amerika kolom wedding announcement paling bergengsi mungkin punyanya New York Times. 

Ibaratnya kalau orang tua bukan konglomerat atau si calon pengantin bukan jebolan private university macam Harvard Yale etc (full degree yaaaa, bukan sekedar numpang kursus) jangan harap dipertimbangkan. Jauh-jauh sana kaum missqueen.

Saga hari ini adalah cerita pasangan baru yang dipublish di kolom wedding ini... Dan ternyata saat mereka pacaran si mas masih kawin dengan mbak yang lain. Jeng jeng jeng. 

Si mbak pun menuturkan ceritanya di media lain, di New York Post. Bahwa dia nggak tahu dia dicerai karena perempuan lain. Bahwa pas kolom NYT itu terbit semua teman dan kerabat minta dia jangan baca karena kasihan. Bahwa tanggal "First Date" pasangan ini yang dijadikan hiasan meja resepsi itu sebenarnya si Mbak masih menikah.

Drama. Skandal. Seru.

Bener deh, saya mah ga minat sama cerita ala Lambe Turah. Yang lintas publikasi international begini baru mantap. Membayangkan si mas jadi bulan-bulanan? Oh yessss..... #seruputtehpoci

Klarifikasi ya: saya nggak benci lelaki. Saya benci orang yang berselingkuh. Apalagi selingkuh bego begini. Rasanya saya pengen nanya dengan prihatin: "Kamu sehat??"

Merasa 'menang' itu membutakan lho. Banyak orang yang akhirnya meneruskan perselingkuhan karena nggak berani menghadapi pasangan asli. Saat mereka berani bilang, biasanya pasangan asli yang bertempur hingga akhir. Perjuangan lah intinya. Dan saat perjuangan itu berakhir dengan manisnya cinta (cie cie), rasanya selangit.

Masalahnya, norma dan hukuman masyarakat tidak berakhir dengan happily ever after kita. Angelina Jolie menikah dengan Brad Pitt lebih lama daripada Brad Pitt dengan Jennifer Anniston. Sampai sekarang tetap Angie yang dibilang homewrecker. Tetap Brad Pitt dianggap pria yang lemah iman.

Atau di Indonesia dengan Mulan Jameela dan Maia Estianty. Nggak akan sampai kapanpun Mulan akan dipanggil Bunda seperti Maia. Orang akan tetap mengernyit sinis mendengar namanya. Begitu pula dengan Dhani, walau dia sih untuk alasan berbeda ya.

Jaman dulu mah enak, tinggal pindah tempat tinggal dan bisa mulai dari nol. Jaman sekarang, pindah ke Kutub Utara pun jejak digital akan terus ikut. Cuitan satu dekade yang lalu masih bisa digali. Beda tanggal seperti cerita NY post diatas gampang dicari.

Tapi kan gapapaaaaaa. I winnnn. Gue menangggg. Yeah si mas juga berpikir begitu, dan sekarang mungkin dia sibuk di cancel klien-kliennya. Istri baru juga pasti kena hujat kanan kiri (makanya pleaaaase pikir-pikir kalau lelaki ganjen ria saat masih punya pasangan asli. Nggak worth it).

Di era digital ini, memelihara ketidakjujuran lebih repot daripada memelihara kejujuran. Salah omong sedikit, seperti si mas ini, langsung beresiko ketahuan dan bisa dimangsa netijen. Nggak posting apa-apapun masih bisa di tag, masih bisa foto beredar tanpa sepengetahuan kita. Masih bisa ketahuan kita tidak jujur.

Jangan telepon saja yang smart. Kita yang punya telepon juga mesti smart menggunakannya. Jangan posting atau mengirim pesan digital (tentang) sesuatu yang tidak bisa kita pertanggungjawabkan, atau yang berpotensi merugikan kita kedepannya. Ingat, nggak ada kerahasiaan di internet.

Yang cerdas ya mainnya mas mbak huhuhu. Semangat!

Backseat Driver

Isn't life from the backseat great?

Think about it. No stress from making split second decision. No tiredness from having to constantly look for risk and possible danger. No pressure to have to keep going no matter what.

To the backseat driver err passenger, everything is great. If the trip went well it's because the road is favorable. If something happened "Man I wouldn't have done *that*!". If you got bored you just napped away.

Take Cinderella for example, or other fairy tale. Some people said it was dumb to expect a prince to save you. But the tales were written in an era where women are objects, and marriage is the only way to climb up and save both yourself and your future child(ren).

Vintage ads where women look so happy when gifted household appliances were met with "Down with patriarchy!" and "Stupid shallow b*tches!!" But that was an era where for women, their house is their castle. It's probably the equivalent of strutting to brunch with your Birkin bag. And since men are the one who has to work to pay for it, who controls whom?

Slavery. Supremacy. Human rights. Health knowledge. Technology. We've come from fucked up cough syrup to mandatory clinical tested drugs. From the belief that women's distress is because their womb is constantly travelling/moving about to artificial insemination.

But when you are a backseat driver, all you see is the "should've". You see things from a comfortable point of view, instead of experiencing it yourself. You can easily call someone in the past as "not doing good enough", but can you do it if you were ever in the driver's seat and facing the challenges as it evolve?

Past is important. Not to be mocked and chastised, but to see how far we've become. To fully appreciate the strength of those who fight against the current condition. To understand what we need to do to move further ahead.

As always, you can't go far without empathy. Only by understanding the driver's action can we be ready for the challenges that may arise when we took the wheel ourselves. Only by carefully observing the overall road condition can we understand the whys and the hows. To do all of this, we need to have empathy. To feel how they feel instead of seeing it from our high horse.

The time will come when the current driver is no more. The time will come when we ought to take the wheel. Guess what? When that time comes we will have our backseat driver on our own. Where our actions be considered outdated or even wrong. That's how life is.

Drive on, pretty boy (and girl). Drive on.

Allegiance

I went and completed the naturalization form yesterday. Some of the questions made me feel... disturbed. I shoot out messages to my closest friends: "I tell ya, most US citizen won't pass the questionnaire with how they're behaving."

In the question about advocating the overthrow of any government  --> didn't people cheer when protesters trying to break the White House?

In the question about persecuting others on things including political opinion --> I have stories about people who have to hide how they feel about Trump and other social issue for fear of losing jobs and gigs.

In the question about not letting someone practice his or her religion --> Somebody in a friend's post argue that bible burning is covered in 1st amendment. 

Naturally it goes both ways. Attacking Democrat mayor, losing job because of you are LGBTQ, burning Quran or mocking other people's religion. The fact remains: whatever Americans are doing if it was done by non-Americans it will not be tolerable.

Forget about citizenship, I am pretty sure if the USCIS found a picture of me burning the flag or bible I'd say goodbye to my green card. Or a picture of me vandalizing during BLM protest, or simply get caught because breaking the curfew. Hell. I have to always inform everyone that no, I do not wish to partake on your weed because it is still a federal offense and I would like to keep my green card thank you very much. (And also I am dead not interested)

I get it. I am a guest. I have to follow the rules even though it seems my host family ignores it. They are not the one who has to prove themselves worthy, but I am. It is not my place to ask for a difference in treatment.

But what if the reason why I have to follow the rules was simply because the rules are enforceable *for* me? If an American failed to answer the questionnaire USCIS can't do anything. In some cases they can revoke the citizenship for troubled naturalized citizen, but it is very last resort only and I believe it is not doable if it will render the said citizen stateless. The US born citizens are pretty much untouchable.

And it is sad. It honestly is sad because this mean the US born citizens have little way of realizing how great their country is. US is their birth right and they can do whatever they want with her. They can dissed her. They can complain. They can be nasty and ungrateful. They don't need to prove their worthiness to be here.

Using this logic, anyone with a green card or a work visa or naturalized citizenship should rank higher when trying to get a job or to get into a school. Higher even than the US born citizens. We have to answer this questionnaire over and over again, to assure US government that yes we meant well, we will not be a burden, and we will not jeopardize US and/or her citizen in any way.

The funny thing is, I do not feel angry. I do not feel I am treated unfairly for having to proof myself while the US born citizen can do whatever. I felt honored instead. If my naturalization request is granted, I have proven my worth. 

Naturalization is not a simple feat. I have to renounce my home country's citizenship, and thus losing all legal ties to it. I will not be able to own property, to have bank accounts, to come and go as I please. In the eye of the government I am no longer one of theirs. Do you know how much weight it is to make such decision? To consciously cut off everything, close the chapter and burn the bridge?

Yet it has to be done. I have made my choice, albeit much faster than I would have liked to thanks to the upcoming hefty fee increase. Economic stability and potential prosperity was one of the reason why. Personal safety. Opportunities. The chance to become whatever I am want to be without fear of repercussion or persecution. 

What's needed to keep this is the oath of allegiance, and before that, to prove I am worthy. This I would do gladly. For a country that has given me so much and promise me even more, this I would do proudly. I can only hope US born citizen can feel the way I feel. Honestly, it almost feels unfair for them.

Wish me luck.