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Tuesday, March 3, 2020

The Ideal Gentleman



Can we talk about how girly and dependent female characters in Agatha Christie's stories are? Somewhat stubborn yet feminine and helpless girls with silent brooding strong men who will protect and saved the girls in the most dire need. And the men will somehow be a lord or rich lower nobility.

I used to love these books so much yet reading them again right now is almost akin to watching my wedding video (if I have any): me screaming at the screen "No you fool! Runnnn! You deserve better! That's not love, that's gaslighting with a bit of Stockholm syndrome!!" 

The world is changing. I am changing. The 14 year old me wanted that drama and excitement. The 26 year old me who got stuck in a patriarchy world wanted that escape. The 37 year old me in a place where I can be myself wants none of that BS.

I can't hate it, though. It's downright icky when I re-read it, but it reflects what happened in that era. In that era, the only chance a woman can become 'saved', so to speak, is through their husbands. Marriage is the holy battle ground, the only place in which a woman can become victorious and rise above other. You need those peckers to get you further in life.

This is the same when people are angry about vintage ads that sell appliances for women. "She wants a vacuum cleaner", "Give her the new dish detergent". The current us can't fathom the lure of it, yet in an era where your house is your battle ground every sparkly shiny new appliance is the sign of wealth and success where you can tower over the other measly housewives.

We've come so far away from it and thankfully so. Yet just because we don't understand it, there is no need to hate it. We can't just chuck history out of our sight with the notion of "What a bunch of backward fools" or keep reiterating how bad it was 'in the old days'. It may not be so bad for them. Just because their battle grounds are different than ours, doesn't mean they do not fight for their existence.

Somewhere out there, there is a bunch of people who still believe Agatha Christie old type of romance is ideal. Get an older, richer man that will save you and your life will be well. The brooding men who speaks little (read: don't communicate) but love passionately. That's recipe for disaster right there, and people need to realize that.

It's not so much of erasing what has been written. It's writing down new ideals on a clean slant. Women can help ourselves. Both parties should learn to communicate. You can't expect your life is better once you found a sugar daddy. Men can clean house and cook too, goddammit!

Internet has made it easy for messages to come through. Even in a more traditional places like Indonesia gender equality and these new ideals are starting to gain traction. The key is to show them acceptance instead of cutting it with "OMG what are you guys thinking over there eww this aint right". They need to be empowered and not alienated. Remember that they too are fighting on their own battle ground. 

Do I still want a dark, brooding, strong man? Seeing that's pretty much the description of my last 3 real relationship (ex-hubs not included), yes I do. I want them to communicate, though. Agatha Christie may have set the stone for me for the types of men I like but I am keeping the current embellishment, if you don't mind.

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