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Monday, October 3, 2016

Really Waldo, Really?

Really Waldo, really?
Here we are on our first getaway ever, and you are nowhere to be seen. Yes, it is very nice of you to offered to pick me up from the train station; but no, I have not expected that I have to look around for you, straining my eyes just to see a glimpse of your red-and-white shirt. Your cryptic message of "take picture of the whole station" did not help either. It is sweet of you to finally showed up and whisked me away, as charming as ever. It is very cute to see how you get a kick on showing me on the picture where you really was, mere feet from where I stood before I left to take the picture. I guess that's how you are. But really, Waldo.

"Hello," you said, and I jumped to my feet.
It was when we first met, remember that, Waldo? The busiest shopping mall in the history of ever, and I can't even find the exit. Yet you found me.  You said hi to me. And since then, I am yours. I could have sworn that you materialize out of thin air, but pictures posted in the shopping mall afterwards showed me that you have always been there. I remember telling you what a great hide-and-seeker you are. It made you smile so big my heart beat uncontrollably. You were exciting and fun, and I feel youthful again just being with you. You showing off your hiding skills made me laugh and squeal in excitement. Oh Waldo, it seemed ages ago.

But excitements died pretty quick Waldo, and you should know this.
Those exes putting you away, it wasn't you, it was them. They had enough with you hiding all the time. They have had enough of spending hours of looking for you, and it wasn't even fun! People have been telling me you have commitment issue, but I beg to differ. At least until I spent one of our rare summer day together trying to effing find you. I would've thought finding you would be easy, as you insist on wearing your long-sleeved shirt and that dorky hat to a hot, sizzling beach. Nope, you are as elusive as ever, even though I am in a teenie-tiny red and white striped bikini to match your shirt and to entice you further. It was only after careful examination of the photos that I see where you were. I mean, don't you like me at all??

Yes, Waldo, I can see your good intention; and yes, I appreciate your proposal.
But no Waldo, you are not using that goddamn shirt to our wedding. I don't care if you can't be separated from that shirt. Honestly Waldo, you can always use it underneath the shirt. Why does it have to be outside and without tux too? As much as I despise your hide-and-seek tendency, black does make it easier to hide. So use the tux, please. And no. There is no way I will put "The Ceremony begins when you can find Waldo" in the wedding invitation. Yes, this is a chance of a lifetime. No, I will not do that on MY wedding. And since you propose, I get to make the call. Goddammit Waldo, just no. Can't we make it normal, just this once? I promise you can hide all you want in our honeymoon, just not on our big day.

Seriously Waldo, can we cut this crap?
I know our relationship is beyond repair, but honestly there is no need to keep hiding like this. I am pretty darn tired of spending my weekends and free-time looking for you. Yes, I was wrong. I shouldn't have torched your supply of that stupid red and white shirts; but I let you wear one under your wedding tux, and that's a compromise, right?? Okay, I probably shouldn't have tied and trussed you on a pole in front of the altar. How should I know everybody has been eagerly looking for you and you have to spend excruciating hours of people taking selfies with you and tagged it with the caption "Here's Waldo!"? I mean, you could have given me a hint. I know it depresses you, but we could have fixed it if only you didn't keep hiding in the hospital instead of laying peacefully on the shrink's couch. I need you. I need you like, now. It's been two days since I've seen Waldo Jr. Come home. Please.

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