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Monday, February 3, 2014

Confession of 90 Days Fiancee - For Real Yo'

Taken from this forum,WARNING: it gets uglier with each new post.

Whoaaaa.... Wait... Whaaaaaat?????
Excuse me??? " Even living on welfare is a much better quality of life then some of these girls have known"??? Duuuudeeeee.... I live a much better life in Indonesia than I am now in the States!!!

Okay, that is not exactly true. Even though I missed my flavorful Indonesian food, my fellow countrymen's warmth and kindness, and also the breathtaking beauty of my country all round, here in the US I found what I've been looking for: a man to share my life with, a man that I love wholeheartedly and love me back in return. I still miss the ease of driving my scooter to catch the sunset after work and my less-then-a-dollar hearty meatball soup/bakso, but it's a price I'm willing to pay for my very own Prince Charming (who know my shoe size and preference instead of trying it around like a dumbass on the feet of every eligible lady in the country).

All the hubbub was about TLC's reality show '90-days Fiance'. Back in the day we saw their casting call on, and we were tempted to join in, thinking how fun it would be for us in the TV (don't judge me, I know you'd be excited as well). I watched an episode a few weeks ago and I am so very glad we are not there!!! How bad is it, you say? Well it was so bad that a friend told us that we would never get chosen anyway because we are not sketchy enough. Ouch. Yep, it was THAT bad. Then the articles and comments that followed (yes, I'm curious as a cat!) all were equally bad, which portrayed the women as green-card-digger [if there was ever such thing] and/or typical mail order bride. Yes, comments like the above. Or also the one that said: "For these women, some of them haven’t driven a car or used a dishwasher. So, when you ask why they might be motivated to move to the USA and live with one of these guys…I think it’s self-explanatory." Oh. My. God.

Now, if you are one of the people who just so happen to think that way based on the show, please take a seat and allow me to guide you through the whole ordeal. Rest assure that I was also a 90-days-fiance and this all are based on my own experience. I kinda know what I'm talking about. Sort of.

Comment from a friend: Dang! Do you need to send the condom wrapper too??

1. The visa is NOT get-to-know visa or will-we-be-married visa. You can only obtain the visa by paying a sum of money and submitting proof of relationship (include the proof that you have met each other at least once in the last 2 months years) and two declaration of intent to marry AND pass another interview (where you would be asked - again - about your relationship). The initial K1 visa submission, interview fee, medical exam fee, and airplane tickets costs us more than $2000.

2. The sponsor (i.e. the American citizen) is responsible for the foreign spouse, and have to be able to support the spouse financially (it's one of the requirements). And get this, once they got married and started the green card process, the sponsor HAS to support the foreign spouse even though they are separated. This is a very risky move and one that you would not attempt except when you are dumb and/or trust your foreign spouse completely.

3. It is highly suggested to get married before the 90 days are over. The moment you set foot in US, the clock started to tick; and it took time to prepare and send the paperwork for the next step after the marriage (applying for temporary green card). You can't afford to waste time to 'get-to-know-each-other' or even planning your wedding now and then, you just HAVE TO DO IT. Why? Because you can't risk all the time and effort and money you spent with deportation. We got married a month after I arrive and file in the paper the next month; the receipt came in a couple of weeks later just in time for our monthly visit to his hometown in another state. Without proper documentation I couldn't go outside California. And if I don't have proper documentation in say, Arizona, I'd be royally screwed.

Conclusion: you seriously won't attempt to apply for a K1 visa if you are not sure about your partner. I mean, seriously sure!

Now that you know that to obtain a K1 visa couple need to be really certain on the direction that they are heading (i.e. marrying one another), can you please please see that the couples portrayed in the show were either pretending to have these relationship issues or indeed just fail to grasp the concept of a marriage at all? Let's take the sexy Colombian for example, who wanted to move out from her husband-to-be's parents house and move in to their own apartment. Or the Filipino who had to endure criticism from an ex-wife and being questioned about how she would deal with the husband-to-be's sons. Like, if you are getting married to someone, won't this be already on the discussion board way before you decided to ditch everything you left behind and travel thousand of miles to the great unknown to marry that man of yours? And wouldn't you feel the same loss and out-of-place when you move to somewhere new, even in your own country? C'mon, admit it, someone who lived all his/her life in Juneau probably would take time to adjust him/herself when moving to Miami. When you stripped the women of this show from their nationality and try to pictured them as an American, you would see their struggle is not unique and it could happen to any American women.

You want me to leave? Seriously, you want me to leave??

But we all only want green card you say? Wowie. Yes. Yes, I have to admit I do want that green card. Not because I am infatuated with the country, but because I am infatuated with my husband and I want to be close to him. The one and a half year of our distance relationship was challenging and lonely, and if there is any way that I could ensure my presence on his side I would definitely go for it. Stripped from the fact that I am an Indonesian, our love is exactly like any 'normal' love: we debate, we love, we care for each other. And that is why I made the sacrifice to move to US and be with him. Not for the dishwasher or to drive a car, not even the welfare money. My salary in Indonesia was a mere $300 per month, but it's enough for me to live a good life, paid off my scooter, and (in my friend's case) even having a live-in maid to clean the house, cook, and babysit the kids. I worked with great companies who specifically cater to high-end clientele, and the lowest package I sell was around $1000 for 3 hours photo (which on peak season could happen almost every day); yet with such credential and my Bachelor degree in Medicine so far I couldn't get a job here in US, and I might have to short-sell myself and settle with minimum-wage job. And to think I used to be driven around in our company's luxury car, meeting clients on Bali's most exquisite resorts, making dreams come true and hope became reality. Sigh...

Sure, there are other exotic women who actually did 'hunt' for eligible foreign husband to make their life better. But please remember that there are others who, just like me, marry our husband because of love; and the delicious juicy scenes you saw on TLC's show could be nothing more than smokes and mirrors for your delight, just like Duck Dynasty's men's beard and camo suit. And if you still not convinced, have a go at the VisaJourney's forum that discuss about this show. As you can see from the forum, we are not mail-order-bride. It took to much of determination and effort for this ordeal. Seriously.

(Note to American: I am sorry that there are some of your citizen that reduce the greatness of your country to a mere dishwasher and 'ability to drive car'. Just so you know, I think your country is really cool. Rock on guys.)

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