The Mask

Taking the train from Union Station and there are people not wearing mask. People from various race. No maskless Karen in sight, though. Why would they? Public transportation is for the poor.

Some people see the mask as a sign of cowardice obedience. Some people see it as a sign of unselfish virtue to keep other people well. Both probably won't come near a disheveled homeless-looking person and either praise or yelled at them for not wearing mask.

But we love maskless Karens. We love seeing them going rabid in a business places, berating employees and other customers. We love seeing their antiques and how they trash the business.

For those who are anti-mask, they are everything we aspire to be but we can never be. We have had enough with this oppression but we cannot risk our job or our social standing in the community. So kudos to them.

For those who are pro-mask, they are everything we crusade for. They give us the self-righteous feeling and the elevated self-respect. We are better than them. We will be the warrior to fight these monsters.

In all honesty, when you confront someone for wearing or not wearing a mask all you do is making people around you uncomfortable. It is also a form of bullying.

I don't think anyone will bother walking to someone who looks mighty prestigious and yell "Wear your mask!!" (Or don't wear). The same as you wouldn't walk to someone who looks like they have no problem knocking you down physically.

You choose someone your own size, probably a bit less to ensure you could win it. Not too small that they have nothing to lose by attacking you back. Obviously not too big or else you will be humiliated. 

Which is kinda crazy. If you really are concerned about the community you would target these maskers (or non maskers) indiscriminately. Big or small, everyone has to wear the mask (or not wear the mask) for the sake of the community. 

Is it we're not stupid enough to fight the fight we can't win? Or is it because we actually did it to stroke our ego and not for the community?

Maskless Karens are global being. Each countries have them. Some are worried about their freedom, some just think they are above others. Some, like the people in Union Station, just don't want to don it or don it half-heartedly only enough to not be yelled at by the station security.

By keep emphasizing one group (i.e. maskless Karens, preferably white), we missed out on the reality of the street. For every one maskless Karen, there's probably hundreds who complied. Why can't we focus on the complying ones? Or if we really insist on focusing on the offenders, make it everyone and not just Karens.

For real. I took public transportation and every other day I will see a bus driver getting yelled at over fare or request to turn down music/not eating on the bus. You really think the service workers only have to deal with Karens?

World is not a 2 minutes video on TikTok or Instagram, curated by advanced algorithm to cater to your need (i.e. whatever you like to watch). Whether you are pro-mask or anti-mask, you will find the real world around you is vastly different. If you care to look.

Love 2020

I stood naked in front of the full length mirror in my hotel room, seeing myself in the complete glory for the first time in forever. 

The whale blubber on my stomach. The back fat that would crisp up nicely if I ever get roasted. The chubby quarantine chin. The different sized eyes. What a delicious sight. I love her then, I love her even more now. 

I smiled lovingly at myself before jumping on the bed and snuggled next to my unassuming boyfriend, who has been innocently playing with his phone. He was another reason I love myself a bit more.

Ah, love. It is such a dirty word these days. Such a twisted concept. In an era of hookups and thinly-veiled  prostitution, in a time where cynicism rules and everyone is up for themselves, there is no place for love.

I used to promote it so heavily. Even made a book about it. How love saved me and we should strive for it. That went down as gloriously as 2020. I learned my lesson that love is not for everyone. That some people are not worth the love, or not lucky enough to find one who can reciprocate the love equally.

Tales of love became a cringey Facebook fodders, a way to flaunt one's luck over another. Even when it wasn't meant that way, it's too understandable when people get offended. Genuine love and respect is such a rare thing these days that people went mad and broken trying to find it.

On the other hand, we can freely talk about our pain. In fact, it's so freely aired that it can easily overtook love at any given time. Love stories are reduced to nothing when news of discord reached public. It seems we have to keep pretending we are all good to save our face, to prevent the cynical "I toldja so".

The judgement came so swift and hard that in the end we kind of lost it. We lost what love really is because we were overpowered with what love is not. We are so worried with failure that we dare not share what makes us happy.

For me, it's the whisper in my ear "Don't eat the exhibits" and the suppressed laughter when I still innocently said "Oh yeah, abalone is delicious" much to the horror of Santa Barbara Sea Center crew.

It's the pretend long sigh followed by "Come on, do your Asian thing" as I posed for one more picture. Or the "what should I feed you?" throughout our weekend trip knowing fully well that's my joy in life.

It's the embrace at the end of the night, at the end of a fight. It's the spoken and unspoken "Sorry I was a dick" whenever one of us hurt each other. It's the "Yes, we will" answer to my "Are we going to be fine?" question.

It's not a happily ever after. Nothing is. Failures should be celebrated as much as achievements. We should focus on what we have as opposed to focusing how long will we have it. We should focus on what we love, including our very own self.

I cuddled with my boyfriend a little bit tighter, conveniently ignoring his playful "Iss hottt!!" exclamation. I love who I am right now. I love who I am with right now. For this brief moment, the world is fine right now. I can't ask for more.

Jejak Digital

#JejakDigital

Di Amerika kolom wedding announcement paling bergengsi mungkin punyanya New York Times. 

Ibaratnya kalau orang tua bukan konglomerat atau si calon pengantin bukan jebolan private university macam Harvard Yale etc (full degree yaaaa, bukan sekedar numpang kursus) jangan harap dipertimbangkan. Jauh-jauh sana kaum missqueen.

Saga hari ini adalah cerita pasangan baru yang dipublish di kolom wedding ini... Dan ternyata saat mereka pacaran si mas masih kawin dengan mbak yang lain. Jeng jeng jeng. 

Si mbak pun menuturkan ceritanya di media lain, di New York Post. Bahwa dia nggak tahu dia dicerai karena perempuan lain. Bahwa pas kolom NYT itu terbit semua teman dan kerabat minta dia jangan baca karena kasihan. Bahwa tanggal "First Date" pasangan ini yang dijadikan hiasan meja resepsi itu sebenarnya si Mbak masih menikah.

Drama. Skandal. Seru.

Bener deh, saya mah ga minat sama cerita ala Lambe Turah. Yang lintas publikasi international begini baru mantap. Membayangkan si mas jadi bulan-bulanan? Oh yessss..... #seruputtehpoci

Klarifikasi ya: saya nggak benci lelaki. Saya benci orang yang berselingkuh. Apalagi selingkuh bego begini. Rasanya saya pengen nanya dengan prihatin: "Kamu sehat??"

Merasa 'menang' itu membutakan lho. Banyak orang yang akhirnya meneruskan perselingkuhan karena nggak berani menghadapi pasangan asli. Saat mereka berani bilang, biasanya pasangan asli yang bertempur hingga akhir. Perjuangan lah intinya. Dan saat perjuangan itu berakhir dengan manisnya cinta (cie cie), rasanya selangit.

Masalahnya, norma dan hukuman masyarakat tidak berakhir dengan happily ever after kita. Angelina Jolie menikah dengan Brad Pitt lebih lama daripada Brad Pitt dengan Jennifer Anniston. Sampai sekarang tetap Angie yang dibilang homewrecker. Tetap Brad Pitt dianggap pria yang lemah iman.

Atau di Indonesia dengan Mulan Jameela dan Maia Estianty. Nggak akan sampai kapanpun Mulan akan dipanggil Bunda seperti Maia. Orang akan tetap mengernyit sinis mendengar namanya. Begitu pula dengan Dhani, walau dia sih untuk alasan berbeda ya.

Jaman dulu mah enak, tinggal pindah tempat tinggal dan bisa mulai dari nol. Jaman sekarang, pindah ke Kutub Utara pun jejak digital akan terus ikut. Cuitan satu dekade yang lalu masih bisa digali. Beda tanggal seperti cerita NY post diatas gampang dicari.

Tapi kan gapapaaaaaa. I winnnn. Gue menangggg. Yeah si mas juga berpikir begitu, dan sekarang mungkin dia sibuk di cancel klien-kliennya. Istri baru juga pasti kena hujat kanan kiri (makanya pleaaaase pikir-pikir kalau lelaki ganjen ria saat masih punya pasangan asli. Nggak worth it).

Di era digital ini, memelihara ketidakjujuran lebih repot daripada memelihara kejujuran. Salah omong sedikit, seperti si mas ini, langsung beresiko ketahuan dan bisa dimangsa netijen. Nggak posting apa-apapun masih bisa di tag, masih bisa foto beredar tanpa sepengetahuan kita. Masih bisa ketahuan kita tidak jujur.

Jangan telepon saja yang smart. Kita yang punya telepon juga mesti smart menggunakannya. Jangan posting atau mengirim pesan digital (tentang) sesuatu yang tidak bisa kita pertanggungjawabkan, atau yang berpotensi merugikan kita kedepannya. Ingat, nggak ada kerahasiaan di internet.

Yang cerdas ya mainnya mas mbak huhuhu. Semangat!