The Glass Slippers, If You Please

Sometimes you just need to step out from reality to find your own...

Ever since I was a little girl I have been an avid reader with a penchant for fairy tales. There is something magical and romantic about those tales, and I became enraptured with the concept of magic and spirits and such. As childish as it sounds, my love for fairy tales is pretty much what keeps me sane throughout my coming-of-age and adulthood, and consequently shaped me into who I am today. Being mocked and not accepted with peers at college? It's okay, they're just peasants with suspicion towards the heroine. Love lost? No problem, the true prince always come at the end provided that you stay true and kind. All the trouble and misery was nothing to me. I will have a good cry about it, break a smile and told myself "You can do it", and I always can. In the stories the heroine's misery will eventually ends, there is no reason my misery will stay forever. Armed with this thought, life for me is a never ending game with each day brings a new story or two (or even more).

One that is particularly dear to me was Cinderella, the Rodger and Hammerstein's musical version to be exact. When I was in elementary school the TV station in Indonesia aired the 1965 version over and over again, and each time it always enthralled me. My favorite song was, undoubtedly, "In My Own Little Corner". It was a fun song that showed how Cinderella escaped her cruel life through her imagination, a common theme that I eventually adapt for my own life. Granted my life was (and is) not cruel, but it is always a wonderful to know that I can escape it when it became too hard through my imagination. A particularly harrowing day can be a great adventure trying to conquer the enemy, and in the end instead of sulking over it I can raise my head high and declare: "I killed the dragon!". Well, not out loud of course. I don't want dragons overheard it and thought I am such a cruel person, even though the word kill is only used to the broadest extent and absolutely not in literary meaning. See how much fun you can get by imagining things? :)

Yet days gone by so quickly and the memory eluded me. It was not until recently when I casually browse for the complete play that I remember everything once again. The pretty white dress with faux fur accent, the meek yet attractive way Lesley Ann Warren played her Cinderella, the sneer on Stepmother's face, all down to the funny song sang by the Stepsisters, which easily be my lamentation throughout my youth: "Oh, why would a fellow want a girl like her / A girl whose merely lovely / Why can't a fellow ever once prefer, a girl whose merely me?". I smiled and laughed and having the greatest time ever as I watched the performance through my little laptop screen. Then came the climax when Cinderella arrived at the palace and met the prince. My heart stop and then resume full a-flutter as I have always been every time I watched that scene, yet this time it was for a completely different reason. Lesley Ann Warren's expression in that scene was all too familiar for me, not because I have watched the play for countless of time, but because I have had that expression before.

It was not the night before Christmas, but on that day I felt like it. I was full of anticipation, wide-eyed and maybe a little scared. Or as Cinderella aptly put it: "You are breathless / With a wild anticipation / Of adventure and excitement / And romance". The night I met my husband will always be a night to remember. Just like Cinderella, I made the decision to go to the 'ball' to meet my prince. Truth to tell, as with any online dating he may be a prince or a psychopath; but I took the chance anyway and I have not regret it ever since. What a lot of people don't realized is the awesome thing with Cinderella (any version) is that she dared to wish to go to the ball, and when she got her opportunity she seized it. She may not slay dragons or changed herself into sea foam, but sometimes daring to take the slightest step forward or even to dream it is the hardest challenge. That's how I feel that night. It could go horribly wrong. He might not like me. I could be heartbroken or bone-broken, depending on what psychopath he is (if he was indeed one). But I wanted to do it. I wanted to go and take my chance with him. Even if it's only to have someone talked kindly to me and laughed with me for just one night. Even if it's only to realize that I am not so alone in this world for just a few hours.

Just like in the play, when we (finally) see each other for the first time the time seemed to stop and when we finally in each other arms the world seemed to melt into nothingness. The question "Do I love you because you're wonderful / Or are you wonderful because I love you?" did not even register in my head. I loved him. He made me happy. That was all that matter, In the following weeks, months, and years the glitter in our eyes slowly fade away, and we started to see each other for who we really are. It's almost like 'breaking' into a new car: the sweet new smell faded away and replaced with the faint smell of the smog from the street, the car interior always seemed to have crumbs and minuscule stains here and there no matter how hard you try to clean it, even the engine sound less pleasant and (dreadfully) more tired than it is before. And of course the inevitable question will eventually come: do you like the car enough to keep it or should you move forward?

With us being married, the answer seemed clear: we're keeping each other. Even so, I am not stupid enough to believe that things can last forever. Spells will break, and glass slippers can shatter, there is nothing certain in this world. The question now is do I care? I do not believe in happily ever after, nor do I believe that story and tales will come to an end. No. Stories and tales lived on forever. Each day is a brand new adventure, and each sunrise is a brand new beginning. That night when we went to watch Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella Broadway Play live at Ahmanson Theater I looked at my husband's face smiling and chuckling with delight thanks to their great performance, and I know my tale is far from ending. I put my head on his shoulders, wrapped my hands over his arm, and I started to hum in tune with the song they performed on stage: 

"In the arms of my love I’m flying

Over mountain and meadow and glen,

And I like it so well

That for all I can tell

I may never come down again!

I may never come down to earth again!"

The night might end, my story may have a surprise ending, yet it is still far from completion. I could care and be worried and frightened of how my story would end, but the fact remain that I can not see into the future, not even a second or less into the future. Then why should I dread myself? Happily ever after is never a goal, it is only an end to a successful life-changing journey, a reward you get for all your hardship and perseverance. Life is a story: enjoy it, embrace it, and write it according to what you want. Live it, dream it, love it. Good night fellow dreamers. See you in another story. 

The True Story of Cinderella: A Night in the Spotlight

We went to see Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella at the Ahmanson Theater in Los Angeles last night, and to say that I was excited was a great understatement. I carefully chose my dress, put on proper makeup, all giddy and excited as if I was the one who was going to the ball. Even my husband, who has always been pretty much the sun in my life, was kind of in a state of (almost) non-existence last night. For the first time in forever, I didn't even care that he was next to me. My mind and soul was in the play. It was a great play. We laughed, we smiled, and when Cinderella transformed into the ball-gowned princess I held my breath full of anticipation. Then she stepped into her glass slippers before going to the ball, and I tried my hardest to stop the tears falling from my eyes. She made it.

Yes, you've heard it a million times: Cinderella is not an educating story because she didn't empower herself and had to wait for a rich man to come and save her. Yet to me, the glory of her story is not the happily ever after ending. The glory of Cinderella's story, the climax, the moment of truth, is when she gets the incredible dress and the glass slipper. It's her moment, her transformation from the ugly duckling to the swan, and I dare say many girls and women dreamed about that moment many times in their life. That one moment where, even if it's only for the shortest time, they became the goddess, the diva, the center of attention, the prettiest of them all.

It sounded so shallow, right? But is it really? Birds are known to have decorative feathers to attract their mate, what's so different with us? The notion to look pretty is not (only) out of vain and pride, it is also a survival technique to make sure we are chosen by a mate to pass our genes and prolong our bloodline. Makeup has been around for centuries, if not millenniums. To say that we decorate ourselves for the sake of the man can actually be said that we decorate ourselves to compete with other women. And as a human being not only we can acknowledge beauty, we also intuitively and consciously want to be a part of it. Even the pre-historic human decorated their cave with drawings and made rough jewelry. Beauty is an indispensable part of human life.

As we matured and gained more knowledge, we will eventually learn that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, so to speak. We will eventually realized that words and thoughts can be beautiful, even more so than the physical beauty. We will also eventually appreciate the beauty of human in general, things that we previously thought plain can finally seen as beautiful due to our mature understanding. Like a devoted entomologist that can described a bug in such loving and adoring manner, we too can love our fellow human once we get to know them. But it is a long way to go, especially since we often didn't even know ourselves well enough, or even love ourselves well enough. How can we see the beauty of others if we can't see it in ourselves?

The words above are, of course, easier said than done. We have our fear, our worries, our insecurities. It takes a lot humility and an exceptional clarity from someone to accept his/herself as it is without losing his/her mind over it. Thus the desire to be in the spotlight so bright that it eliminates our dark emotion, to be showered with such attention and be so sure of oneself, it is understandable and to some degree might even be acceptable. Even though these words could easily be applied to women (and men) everywhere, I am speaking now to those who could never see themselves as good enough. I am speaking to those who are deemed plain and unattractive, those with minor flaws yet to the world is big enough to exclude them altogether. Ugliness and beauty are a burden in itself, no doubt about it; but plain people or somewhat-queer people or even those who somehow couldn't fit, they too have their own burden. They look at the world that passes them by and desperately trying to chase it, trying to make it stop for a fraction of a second to acknowledge their existence. The extremes, good or bad, always gets noticed; but the plains are pretty much got lost in the shadow, the pastel color that went unnoticeable in a grand and vivid painting.

The fact that Cinderella is beautiful is of no importance. What important in the story, at least to me, is that she got the chance to shine for the night. Nice clothes, nice shoes, and even nice carriage and servants to boost it up. What else could anyone wants?? For days and even years she was so unsure of herself and choose to obediently stayed where she was treated badly, yet that one night, that one glorious night she could shed her rags and ashes (i.e. insecurities and fear) and be whole and complete, be noticeable by the world. And that, my dear readers, is what Cinderella is truly about.

I can't even tell you readers to love yourself and other humans. I can, but it will only just words. This is not something that you could repeat every day and you will eventually believe it. Love for yourself, just like love for others, is something that you need to patiently grow and nurture. It is a journey of self-realization and opening your perspective. It is to understand and accept the things we don't like about ourselves, and have peace with ourselves. Then and only then we can accept and make peace with others. I can't tell you how difficult it is for the extremes because I am not one, but I can tell you how difficult it is for the plains because I was one. Yet technically, it should be easier. Even a pastel color would be noticeable if it was laid thick and strong. If you can't rely on your physics to win the world, use your personality. And then when somebody offers you the glass slipper, never hesitate to take the chance. Not even once.