The Mask

Taking the train from Union Station and there are people not wearing mask. People from various race. No maskless Karen in sight, though. Why would they? Public transportation is for the poor.

Some people see the mask as a sign of cowardice obedience. Some people see it as a sign of unselfish virtue to keep other people well. Both probably won't come near a disheveled homeless-looking person and either praise or yelled at them for not wearing mask.

But we love maskless Karens. We love seeing them going rabid in a business places, berating employees and other customers. We love seeing their antiques and how they trash the business.

For those who are anti-mask, they are everything we aspire to be but we can never be. We have had enough with this oppression but we cannot risk our job or our social standing in the community. So kudos to them.

For those who are pro-mask, they are everything we crusade for. They give us the self-righteous feeling and the elevated self-respect. We are better than them. We will be the warrior to fight these monsters.

In all honesty, when you confront someone for wearing or not wearing a mask all you do is making people around you uncomfortable. It is also a form of bullying.

I don't think anyone will bother walking to someone who looks mighty prestigious and yell "Wear your mask!!" (Or don't wear). The same as you wouldn't walk to someone who looks like they have no problem knocking you down physically.

You choose someone your own size, probably a bit less to ensure you could win it. Not too small that they have nothing to lose by attacking you back. Obviously not too big or else you will be humiliated. 

Which is kinda crazy. If you really are concerned about the community you would target these maskers (or non maskers) indiscriminately. Big or small, everyone has to wear the mask (or not wear the mask) for the sake of the community. 

Is it we're not stupid enough to fight the fight we can't win? Or is it because we actually did it to stroke our ego and not for the community?

Maskless Karens are global being. Each countries have them. Some are worried about their freedom, some just think they are above others. Some, like the people in Union Station, just don't want to don it or don it half-heartedly only enough to not be yelled at by the station security.

By keep emphasizing one group (i.e. maskless Karens, preferably white), we missed out on the reality of the street. For every one maskless Karen, there's probably hundreds who complied. Why can't we focus on the complying ones? Or if we really insist on focusing on the offenders, make it everyone and not just Karens.

For real. I took public transportation and every other day I will see a bus driver getting yelled at over fare or request to turn down music/not eating on the bus. You really think the service workers only have to deal with Karens?

World is not a 2 minutes video on TikTok or Instagram, curated by advanced algorithm to cater to your need (i.e. whatever you like to watch). Whether you are pro-mask or anti-mask, you will find the real world around you is vastly different. If you care to look.

Love 2020

I stood naked in front of the full length mirror in my hotel room, seeing myself in the complete glory for the first time in forever. 

The whale blubber on my stomach. The back fat that would crisp up nicely if I ever get roasted. The chubby quarantine chin. The different sized eyes. What a delicious sight. I love her then, I love her even more now. 

I smiled lovingly at myself before jumping on the bed and snuggled next to my unassuming boyfriend, who has been innocently playing with his phone. He was another reason I love myself a bit more.

Ah, love. It is such a dirty word these days. Such a twisted concept. In an era of hookups and thinly-veiled  prostitution, in a time where cynicism rules and everyone is up for themselves, there is no place for love.

I used to promote it so heavily. Even made a book about it. How love saved me and we should strive for it. That went down as gloriously as 2020. I learned my lesson that love is not for everyone. That some people are not worth the love, or not lucky enough to find one who can reciprocate the love equally.

Tales of love became a cringey Facebook fodders, a way to flaunt one's luck over another. Even when it wasn't meant that way, it's too understandable when people get offended. Genuine love and respect is such a rare thing these days that people went mad and broken trying to find it.

On the other hand, we can freely talk about our pain. In fact, it's so freely aired that it can easily overtook love at any given time. Love stories are reduced to nothing when news of discord reached public. It seems we have to keep pretending we are all good to save our face, to prevent the cynical "I toldja so".

The judgement came so swift and hard that in the end we kind of lost it. We lost what love really is because we were overpowered with what love is not. We are so worried with failure that we dare not share what makes us happy.

For me, it's the whisper in my ear "Don't eat the exhibits" and the suppressed laughter when I still innocently said "Oh yeah, abalone is delicious" much to the horror of Santa Barbara Sea Center crew.

It's the pretend long sigh followed by "Come on, do your Asian thing" as I posed for one more picture. Or the "what should I feed you?" throughout our weekend trip knowing fully well that's my joy in life.

It's the embrace at the end of the night, at the end of a fight. It's the spoken and unspoken "Sorry I was a dick" whenever one of us hurt each other. It's the "Yes, we will" answer to my "Are we going to be fine?" question.

It's not a happily ever after. Nothing is. Failures should be celebrated as much as achievements. We should focus on what we have as opposed to focusing how long will we have it. We should focus on what we love, including our very own self.

I cuddled with my boyfriend a little bit tighter, conveniently ignoring his playful "Iss hottt!!" exclamation. I love who I am right now. I love who I am with right now. For this brief moment, the world is fine right now. I can't ask for more.