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Tuesday, October 2, 2012

So This Is Goodbye

So this is goodbye. The coffee's getting cold, and your scone turns rock hard. But you wouldn't even look at me, we just sit here in silence. No forced last smile, no false sugary wishes that hope all will be well, nothing. Just silence. I would prefer your wrath honestly, instead of a cold degrading silence. Do I really deserve this?

Gone were the days of our laughters, the rosy view of tomorrow. Days of when we believe in each other, and rely in one another. Where did they go? Now they're merely fragment of dreams: melt away in the first sunlight, dripping loose from my memory. Even our photos cannot revive happy memories. I looked and I looked and all I can see are alien faces and surreal smiles. Were they really us? Were we ever this happy?

I can only remember days of bickering, of lost expectation and bitter dissapointment. You change, I change, and what used to be the perfect set of cogs in a machine become a wrong set of cogs, blocking each other. Were you wrong? Was I wrong? Maybe we both are. I remember crying for help but you won't listen, and I was so desperate to make us work. But did you cry for help too? Did I fail to listen as well?

I was hoping we can go through the separation in a civilized way, was hoping that this is not the end and we still can be friends. Such a romantic fool I was. Your hostility amazes me instead. Why can't we part in kindness? The others before me parted in lies and hatred and agony, why can't we start making a better ending? I still care. But the unpleasantness runs too deep. Whatever I say can not change your judgement towards me, and whatever you say cannot mend us. Like a shattered coffee cup, you can mend it but you can't use it anymore. That is why I have to go.

Goodbye then. Thank you for the exquisite years we had together. Thank you for the experiences and lessons you gave me. There is no point of speaking ill about each other or forcefully stated the other part held full responsibility for the breakup. None of them will bring us together, none of them will mend us. Would you look into my eyes once again, can I see you smile once again, just once? The silence. You still intently looking at the coffee, so determined that I wouldn't be surprise if it somehow boils under your fiery gaze. I guess it's a no. Don't worry, it's ok. I'll just be on my way. Wish you well my dearest. I will part with a smile. Wish you well.

Disclaimer: It is not about romance. Go figure ;)

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