The Cleansing Spring

As I plunged myself into the sacred pool I thought to myself: how did I come here? 

Of course, I knew how I came there. The 2 hours drive from Denpasar, me and my friends in the car chatting happily, the near-lost experience (so happy I got GPS!), the rain that pours. I remember the slippery steps and how I wrap long cloth around me to start bathing. Some uses shirt to bathe in and cloth as skirt, but alas I did not bring change, thus the old-fashioned bathing dress method should be applied. 

There were 3 pools with a number of spouts that gushed out clear spring water. We started from the largest pool first. I carefully enter the pool, the water was pleasantly cold but not too chilling. It was the cold water that jolt my mind. How do I get here? Offerings higgledy piggledy placed on the altar where the row of spouts are, the flowers that adorn the offerings and tumbled into the pool, the long incense stick that burn, even the koi fishes that swam in the pool, these were all surreal to me.

My friend nudged me to go forward and place the offerings, since that was my first time coming there and I will be away soon for quite a while. I placed the offering and say a little prayer, and wash my face and head from the clear spring water that gushed out strongly from the spot. A man's face float in my mind. My dearest fiance. That was how I got there. That was the reason why I was there.

The spring at Tirta Empul Temple is said to have healing and purification effect. I asked my friends to accompany me there to cleaned myself before my upcoming marriage and trip to the other side of the earth. But it did more than that. Each stop I made on the spouts, praying and washing my face and head, each stop cleanse me and lighten my soul. I was a wreck of nerve the last months, trying to put on a brave and happy face when inside I was trembling and nervous: so worried on travelling alone to the other side of the world and staying there for good, and so worried if I can have a good marriage and keep my husband happy. He deserves to be happy. 

The water calmed me down. As I bathe from spout to spout my thoughts become clearer and less jumbled. I remember the unique way we met and fell in love. Surely it's God's will? The delay we experience, the hardship we endure, it cease to matter. It was His doing, not to separate us from one another but to strengthen ourselves so we are ready for one another. I can feel the knots untangling in me. I can feel the burden dissolve, like soot over water. As I emerge from the last pool, I said to myself: I am ready now.

We prayed together afterwards, and feasted on the offering we brought once we finished praying. The laughter was gay, the smiles were genuine, but something change in me. At home my mom complement how serene and calm I looked, and beautifully aglow. It's only natural, I think. I just got my faith and strength restored, and my worriness and fear banished. 

I know I had it easy. My deep root in culture/religion allows me to have faith in things, and thus believe the impossible could happen. It allows me to be humble and accepting. It gives me strength because I know He will never leave me and there are ways to make me closer to Him. My Fiance, the ever curious, asked me once whether I can positively sure I really got connected or was I merely delusioning. Who knows? What I do know is how good it was to trust something. Like a tired toddler needed a shoulder to rest on after an extremely exhausting day, I need my faith to rest on, to believe I am sheltered and will be protected from harm. I am by no mean a coward, but it will be foolish to keep fighting without rest, or without hope. Even a hard up trooper will need that. I am grateful that I got it easy. 

And soon, really soon I will be with the man I love most. No question about it. It feels right, it sounds right, it is right. You see, I have faith in us too. It helps. A lot.

More than a Woman (To You)

So... A guy wrote about "10 ways to know your Indonesian girlfriend is cheating on you". Unsurprisingly the tone was definitely negative and consist about girls that he found in bars or discotheque. Like... Umm... D'oh...!!!

I can't express how absurd I think the man is, with his statement that these "girlfriends" are semi prostitute that make money off their bule/expatriate boyfriends, a blatant complain about the girls, ah, occupation when he clearly takes advantage of it, prowling in bars etc. Indonesia is well known as a conservative country, but even in a more liberal country one hardly find the so-called wife/husband material there. You'd meet people in alcohol-induced state, for him/her or yourself to be able to speak coherently under alcohol influence is such an enourmous achievement.  

It hurts, it really hurts to read how low this man and some of the commentator thinks about Indonesian women, when all they see are women in shady places. It's like going to a red light district and cursing the hooker while humping them. You're not a saint, dude. And how they say about Indonesian women who are only useful to fuck with, where is the sense of equality and humanity? Where the westerners march for equality for LGBT and even animals right, it is clear that the evolution was not wholesome and some still left behind in their cave-age mentality. And please, they also have this kind of women in western society. Those who drink a lot and fuck a lot, the man-eater and sugar-daddy chaser, why put it so negatively with Indonesian women?

To be fair, I don't think these men will be able to get a good decent women, birds of a flock stick together and these men (to me) are some really ugly stuff. It is hard to imagine a good decent loving woman would want a man who have "adventures" and loud and proud about it. My family raised hell when I hang out with a night club DJ even though we only went to dinners, and I'm not even little miss perfect. And to think this man wants to find a devoted loyal little wife at bars and night clubs? Poor, poor, poor and pitiful delusional man...

Indonesian women, if you are reading this, get your act together and kick ass darlings. Show these a** what we are made of, a much better quality than their poor broke narrow minded ass. But if you rejoice in being treated like second-class citizen just for a measley amount of money well... Can you just please stop advertising yourself as Indonesian? Stop smearing our name, love. 

Read the guy's nauseating writing at:

http://www.jakarta100bars.com/2010/04/10-signs-indonesian-girl-cheating.html

Dear Madame

I wanted to know madame, how would you feel if you were me? 

He stop caring for me, you see. Your smile cheered him up more than mine. Kind words were expressed in hurry, a mere sugar coating after our fights. But it was you he really cared. Just because you are there next to him. 

Would you like to live my life madame? Of forced smile and understanding words, even though deep inside I was torn and humiliated. Oh you never know madame, the pain I felt inside. He said he needs you to help cope with his loneliness, and I gave way. What can I do? He will still look for you even if I say no, so I gave way. And I lost him. Slowly but sure his smile fades from me, his laughter and our happy days grow sparse, and he is happier with you. 

Do you know how hard he tries to justify his feeling towards you? Some days he would explain things coherently, but most days I was somehow describe as a lesser woman than you. The fat one, the infidel one, the uncivilized one. That is just it. You are the one being brought to my house but I was the one that was driven away. How would you feel if you were me, madame?

It was not your fault. He should have been better. But still, can't you feel how much he likes you? Why can't you stop and have pity for me? Now I lost him, madame. I hold my fort long and fierce, but it crumbles now. And I love him so. More than you can ever love him. This is my life, madame. The life that you unknowingly help to destroy. See it, feel it, and please don't do it again. Don't destroy another woman.