Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

Can you please fix Stupid? I know you can't, but I am hoping you can. If you can give kids around the world gifts within a very limited time period, you most likely can fix Stupid.

I know, I know. Time travel is one thing, fixing stuff is another thing. Especially when it is born or made like that. Especially if it is not broken in the first place.

I would like to say that it is broken. It just doesn't know that it is broken. How could it be right if anything it does hurt others? Can't you just reprogram it or something?

I think flushing out Ignorance from its system will probably work best. Deactivating Ego is an extreme choice but might be necessary to properly flush out Ignorance. It's also the only way to upgrade Ego to Humbleness.

And maybe, maybe we can install Empathy and Sympathy? I know it costs a fortune, but you can do it, Santa. Let's do one of those newly developed Justice and Fairness too, with Objectivity boost. 

Please Santa, this is doable. We must fix Stupid before it's too late. Before Stupid destroys the world we know, before Stupid nurture and unleash Hate. Please tell me you'll help me, Santa.

You won't help me, Santa? Come on. I think we both agree it is high time you interfere. Hoping Stupid will be fixed by human themselves is like betting on a dead horse. You know this. Santa, please.

----

Dear Satan,

As you predicted, he won't budge. Are you happy now? If I can't fix it, I might as well destroy it. Hit me up if you are interested. I know you are.

The Elder Wand

She looked at the other woman with murder in her eyes.

"How dare you, you witch…" she whispered, her words were hiss of anger.

The witch gave her a contemptuous smile.

"What are you going to do about it?" she smirked, "It has been done. You know the rules."

"This doesn't mean you can do it in a dirty way."

The witch laughed. It was such a confident laugh that she felt a shiver in her back.

"The Elder Wand takes on a new master whenever it has been 'won' from its previous owner. That's what the rule is, and you know it. It doesn't state how and what method."

"It is still mine." She hissed again. She gathered up her energy and look more voracious than ever. The magic was still in her, filling her up and made her look even more beautiful.

"Oh please," the witch said with a chuckle. The witch gave her a wink and right then she knew it was a lost cause. The glowing aura, the relaxed hair that fell heavenly on the witch's shoulder, all the way down to her breasts. She knew it. The elder wand was not hers anymore.

"Yes please," she smiled sinisterly. She won't give up. Not without a fight.

"Have it your way," the witch grinned. 

"Hey babe," the witch called, "You got Facetime from Lisa!" A muffled voice of a man from the other room can be heard, "Oh God just reject it. Come here and go down on me."

The witch said to the phone, "Bye bitch." but Lisa already hung up.

Be Humble

This Thanksgiving, if there's any relative or yourself said "Yeah, I got it at W*lmart," own that sh*t.

You got things from the dollar store and you're "crafty". You got things from WM and suddenly you are the lowest of the low. Heck, even a random Indonesian texted a friend saying she'll be embarrassed to work at WM because all of her family back home has the cushy office job.

We've heard all about people of WM. I met them on the first day I landed in the US. They were… interesting. I hate shopping at WM because of the desolation I feel, the persistent indifference and the general air of "We're all f*cked up here anyway." 

Their online store is better, but they're still pretty depressing. It was a clutter of god-knows-what, not as neatly designed as Tarjay or Immazon. It won't be my first choice unless I can get a good price albeit with almost-expectedly low quality.

And that's the gist of WM. Low price, low quality. I mean, who in the world will go so low for that? The answer is people who actually don't have another option. Accessibility is and will always be the reason.

It only occurs to me when I tried to arrange some flowers to be sent to a friend in Kentucky. Easy, right? Immazon Now? Doesn't Deliver. Instacrat? Doesn't deliver. There's literally no option for a day delivery except to pay an arm and a leg through 1800flowzah. Here in DTLA I have a selection of grocery stores to do it.

Checking the map, there's only one WM in her area and some smaller grocery store chains. All within driving range. In DTLA there's at least 4 major grocery stores in walking distance, plus a Tarjay. And a Burlee. And a Rass. I can get decked out and have my daily things at a fraction of effort (and probably price point) my friend has to go through.  

We don't see it that way, though. We see the 'funny' memes. We see the end of our nose when we snicker about "that person who shop at WM". We see us non-WM-shopper as superior. We're not. We just have options. Options, either in terms of accessibility and financial means, are hard to come by.

This Thanksgiving, be thankful if you can shop at places that suits your taste and preference. Be thankful for people who can still obtain things they need with the limited option they may have. As the famous philosopher once said: "Be Humble. Sit down and enjoy your turkey."

"Mama Bangs*t!"

"Mama bangs*t!" Keluar lagi deh postingan itu, yang mengingatkan wanita agar selalu ada buat anak agar anak nggak durhaka.

Nggak banyak yang mengingatkan si lelaki jangan kurang ajar pada wanita, karena anak kan menggugu dan meniru. Dilihat bapak/paman/kakek/sosok lelaki di keluarga mengkasari wanita, ya dianggap normal.

Nggak banyak yang mengingatkan si lelaki kalo kawin bukan cuma modal kont*l saja. Bahwa kont*l nggak cukup buat bayar kontrakan atau beli beras kecuali itu kont*l diberdayakan via jual diri.

Nggak banyak yang mengingatkan si lelaki kalo punya anak itu tanggung jawab dia juga. Bukan cuma sekedar materi, tapi juga iman dan takwa dan pembawaan secara sosial. Jadi kalo anak bertingkah ya cerminan bapaknya juga.

Nggak banyak yang mengingatkan si lelaki kalau melanggar janji suci yang dibuat di hadapan Tuhan itu berat. Setia sehidup semati sampai ada cewek cantik yang jadi pengganti. Loe pikir Tuhan produser serial tv The Bachelor?

Tetap lho, apapun yang terjadi si Emak yang salah. Padahal bikin anak kan kudu pake lelaki, bukan kayak stek mangga yang tinggal tanam potongan batang. Terus faedah lelaki apa dong? Cuma nyumbang sesendok teh sperma aja kok lebay banget.

Jujur aja sih kalo nggak sanggup menafkahi lahir (baca: materi) dan batin (baca: perasaan). Bilang aja "Eh gue pengen ngewe tanpa ada ikatan dan gue ga akan mau ngebiayain anak tapi gue mau ngewe tanpa kondom dan keluar di dalam."

Gue akan tersenyum penuh gairah dan menyodorkan kartu nama dokter vasektomi.

Lah iya dong. Kalo elu ga mau tanggung jawab ya elu vasektomi lah, sama gue mau lihat hasil tes penyakit seksual loe. Kalo elu nikahin gue mesti sanggup support finansial dan perasaan,  kalo nggak rate perek berlaku tiap kita main. Enak aja mau gratisan.

Kita perempuan juga mesti mikir. Pilih suami karena yakin bisa jadi pasangan yang setara dengan kita dan jadi ayah yang mampu memgayomi dan membesarkan anak kita. Dan yang bisa dipegang sampe akhir nanti.

Tapi kita pilih suami karena takut dicap nggak laku. Kita pilih suami yang bisa dipamerin di sosmed. Kita pilih suami yang konon bisa mendekatkan kita ke surga. Kita nggak mikirin nasib anak dan keluarga kita.

Padahal kalau kita miskin, anak kita pun akan tambah miskin karena nggak mendapat kesempatan untuk memperbaiki hidupnya lewat pendidikan atau kecerdasan/kearifan sosial pergaulan.

Padahal kalau anak besar melihat kekerasan (yang seringkali dampak stres karena kekurangan finansial) maka dia besarnya juga kasar atau merasa kekerasan itu wajar, baik sebagai yang melakukan atau sebagai korban.

Tapi gpp lah anak kehilangan masa depan karena terjebak lingkaran kekerasan dan kemiskinan. Yang penting kan mama+papa sekarang eksis dan bakal masuk surga. Nanti tinggal drama dan sharing artikel "Mama bangs*t" sambil ngetag pasangan untuk saling mengingatkan.

Enak ya hidup tanpa tanggung jawab.

Broken

Do you know what broken is? Broken is when a word, a phrase, an action that might seem mundane suddenly triggers you and you have the instinct to either jump and gutted the person, or to roll up into the fetal position in fear. I don't know the right clinical name for it.

What I do know it sucks to see myself descending to the darkness once again. When I start to black out and my mood swings rocking harder than a pendulum in the storm. When I know I slowly lost control of my emotion and awash in my grim Neverland.

You won't see it because a part of me told me to "Stand still. Smile. Don't let them know." Because people run away when they see negativity. It's natural. Not many have the resilience to deal with that shit. Because I am strong enough to withstand the storm.

At least that's what I said. Off to a date. Then another. House has his painkillers and I have mine. Ride the storm quietly in an extravagant manner so no one will suspect you are drowning inside. The world only needs to see Selina Kyle, not her sorry story.

But you are tortured inside. The moment love seemed to come through you'd lap it up like a man stranded in the desert, wishing fervently that it is real. The moment when there's even the slightest chance that the love is not real, is not equal, up goes the wall like the castle bridge being pulled up.

You give a breath of relief when it didn't work. It shouldn't work, anyway. You are too broken. You shed tears and feel sad when it's over, but you know it's also over because you killed them as Atalanta did to the suitors that lost a race with her. 

You just got off the phone with your building manager. You told him a neighbor cat was on the roof and couldn't get out, and can he please help the cat. He laughed and said they already did. You know you are a good girl. You know people love you. But not enough to keep you.

You know you'll eventually cool down and be happy again, but it won't be the end. The panic attack, the blinding fear, the hands that will go up to protect your broken little soul while sobbing: "No! Please don't hurt me!" Those will come and go as they please.

"Get help." I am trying to. "Forget him." I already did. "Let him go." I thought I have moved on already. Stick and stones may hurt my bones, but apparently words decapacitate me emotionally. Isn't love grand?

I Got Flowers

I got flowers. 

I literally sat here dumbfounded for 10 solid minutes reiterating it over and over again. I got flowers. 

It wasn't a birthday flower or sorry-I-fuck-up flower. I've had those before. I don't know why I got this one. My date just casually handed me those when he dropped me off after our dinner date.

And now I got flowers.

My best friend always told me that the men I met set the standard so low the bar is practically on the ground. My girls will exasperatedly say (again and again): "It's normal!!" when I told them a man was being nice to me.

So, umm, yeah. I might be overreacting right now. It's still amazing, though. I would buy flowers for my friends, just because. Or give away the ones I got to people on the bus. Their smile and astonishment were beautiful to behold.

And here I am, on their end. I got flowers.

Do I expect it? No. My life has been plentiful. My best friend spoils me like a princess. My girls are true "Ride or Die" squad. I have warm bed and full stomach. My family and friends are awesome. I can't ask for more.

Yet life will throw a curveball at you now and then. We know this. We dread this because it usually means bad. In my case, though, the curveball was an unexpected acknowledgement. "Here. You're ok."

I stopped writing to look at the flowers. I guess?

I have to fight off the voices in my head, each with their own version why I don't deserve it, or that it means nothing. I want to cave in because it is easier to crush your hope before someone else crushes it. It's easier to think I don't deserve to be happy before happiness is taken away from me.

I am not going to. Not this time. I deserve to be happy and I shouldn't be scare of it. Happiness is like the flowers, it will eventually died out yet the memories and the feelings linger. I am keeping those.

So, yay! I got flowers!

Sebut Nama Dong

Saya ingin lihat nama pelaku terduga pemerkosaan UGM disebut. Saya ingin namanya ditulis lengkap di semua media, berikut cerita hidupnya.

Adil dong. Korban pemerkosaan biasanya dikulik lengkap, mungkin sampai baju apa yang dia pakai dan kelakuannya. Kenapa pelaku nggak? Toh bukan anak dibawah umur.

Kalau korban berani melapor dan diganjar malu seumur hidup (plus trauma diperkosa), pelaku juga harus diumumkan dan diganjar malu seumur hidup. Kalau perlu bikin data base sex offender biar orang hati-hati sama bangsat ini.

Sama halnya dengan perselingkuhan, nama si pelakor dan identitas pribadinya yang disebar luas. Sis, gue mau tahu nama dan identitas laki loe. Biar gue tahu jangan jadi korban buaya ini. Biar dia tahu ada konsekuensinya mainin wanita.

Hidup kita wanita sengsara ya karena ini. Kita getol menyerang sesama wanita. Mungkin kita segitu nggak pedenya sama diri kita sendiri, atau segitu takutnya nggak disukai pria dan jadi nggak laku. 

Sis, loe pikir Tuhan tidur? Loe pikir Tuhan segitu rendahnya melihat wanita sehingga kita ga mampu ngapa-ngapain tanpa pria? Loe pikir Tuhan nggak ngasi kita kemampuan setara, bahwa kita bisa mandiri dan hebat?

Kesetaraan dimulai dari kita wanita yang harus peduli dan berani membela sesama wanita. Bukan cuma buat kita, tapi juga buat anak-anak kita dan generasi seterusnya.

Biar kita nggak disakiti, diperkosa, diperlakukan seperti barang tanpa ada konsekuensi dari pelaku. Biar kita punya hak yang sama untuk edukasi, peningkatan status sosial, hidup mandiri dan tenteram. 

Kalau ini bukan yang loe mau ya derita loe. Gue sih udahan ya dipaksa hidup di jaman kegelapan padahal sudah tahun  2018. Kita bukan barang, sis. Nilai kita lebih dari sekedar beranak sebagai sarana penghasil tenaga tani gratis.

Gue ga benci lelaki. Gue malah respek banget sama lelaki yang bertanggung jawab. Jadi kalau elu lelaki dan berpikir nama pelaku jangan disebut: Kenapa, Mas? Pernah juga 'khilaf' begitu? Karena berarti loe ga ngerasa penting mencegah ini terjadi lagi.

Apakah bisa salah sebut pelaku? Oh iya. Tapi jumlahnya nggak akan sebanyak pelaku yang beneran kesebut dan sebanyak sekian mangsa terselamatkan. Orang nggak akan berulah kalau tahu konsekuensinya berat. 

Kita memberi sanksi sosial pada pasangan kumpul kebo, hamil di luar nikah, pelakor, dan segala yang dianggap melanggar norma sosial agar tidak terus terjadi. Bisa dong kita menerapkan yang sama untuk pemerkosa, KDRT, tukang selingkuh, nggak menafkahi etc.

Eh, sebut nama dong.

Kisah Jaka Sembung

Ceritanya saya komen di sebuah komik IG. Saya minta format satu page agar gampang disharing karena menurut saya komik itu bagus, tentang kisah si pengarang yang kena misuh-misuh bapak tua yang menganggap jilbab itu lebih penting dari pelajaran sains.  

Lalu ada yang menjawab komen saya, bahwa saya harus bangga dan berjuang menjadi perempuan yang baik tanpa jilbab atau dengan jilbab, bahwa hanya Tuhan yang tahu amal ibadah kita dan seterusnya. Bengong lah saya membacanya.

Pertama, komen saya tentang minta dibikinkan format satu page kalau memungkinkan, bukan tentang pemakaian jilbabnya. Kedua, ternyata dia seorang pria, yang agak dodol menurut saya kalau mencoba menasihati seorang wanita tentang jilbab. Dia aja nggak pake jilbab. Ketiga, saya Hindu.

Paling males kalau ada orang yang tetiba nimbrung jaka sembung. Kadang niatnya baik, tapi kadang (baca: seringkali) niatnya hanya ingin terlihat baik. Menerima 'masukan' seperti ini rasanya seperti ngemilin kembang tabur: wangi saja tapi nggak ada nutrisi dan jelas nggak enak.

Apalagi kalau orang tersebut jelas-jelas nggak ada kepentingannya, atau bahkan nggak perduli sama kita. Asal terlihat baik dan bijak pokoknya. Yay seleb Fesbuk dan IG! Seperti mas ini yang sama sekali nggak ngeh kalau dia melakukan persis seperti di komik yang kita komenin: memaksakan pendapatnya pada wanita.

Sekali lagi, para pembaca: wanita itu nggak hidup hanya untuk pria. Wanita itu ada di dunia atas kehendak Tuhan, bukan? Jadi yang perlu wanita pikirkan ya Sang Pencipta, bukan jenis kelamin tertentu. Hiduplah sesuai apa yang dikehendakiNya. Jadi orang baik, misalnya.

Banyak agama dan kebudayaan yang menempatkan pria sebagai pilar keluarga, sebagai pemuka dan pembimbing. Wajar. Secara fisik wanita biasanya lebih lemah, plus tugas kita yang terfokus pada mengurus keluarga. Tapi bukan berarti wanita lebih rendah.

Terlalu sering kita wanita mendengar omongan "Nanti nggak ada lelaki yang mau sama kamu". Yang hidup kita seolah berpusat pada bagaimana mendapatkan dan memuaskan pasangan. Nggak penting lah kita pintar, kita baik, kita hebat. Yang akan dinilai hanya kemampuan kita mendapatkan dan mempertahankan pasangan.

Makanya saya ekstra sensi saat jaka sembung di komen komik ini ternyata lelaki. Mas bagus, bukan wanita yang mesti diingatkan untuk tetap hebat dengan atau tanpa jilbab. Yang harus diingatkan rekan-rekan pria anda. 

Anda nggak ngerasain disinisin saat lepas jilbab. Anda nggak ngerasain dihakimi oleh teman dekat yang baru mulai pakai jilbab. Anda nggak ngerasain diteriakin teroris karena jilbab yang anda putuskan untuk dipakai. Anda nggak tahu rasanya jadi wanita.

Tapi anda bisa bersimpati dan berempati, bisa mencoba mengerti perjuangan para wanita. Sana, ceramahi para rekan pria anda. Beranikan diri membela wanita dengan lantang, dan bukan hanya yang secantik artis sinetron. Jangan takut pasang badan saat orang lain menganiaya wanita, baik secara fisik ataupun perkataan.

Sudah saatnya pria menjadi rekan setara bagi wanita, bukannya malah menjajah. Pria bisa lho tetap jadi pembimbing dan pengayom, tapi boleh dong kita wanita mencari yang memang sanggup dan bukan hanya karena dia kebetulan punya penis. Wanita dari tulang rusuk pria, bukan? Setara, seimbang.

Sekedar info saja, saya masih lho sangat menghormati pria. Makanya lelaki disini kadang klepek-klepek menghadapi saya. Kita yang didikan Indonesia masih sangat ngemong dan menghargai, barang langka kalau disini. Tapi ya saya pilih-pilih. Kalau nggak bisa menghargai saya balik ya ngapain juga diladenin.

Para wanita, jangan takut untuk berani memiliki preferensi dan untuk menghargai nilai diri kita sendiri. Wanita yang hebat itu berkah bagi dunia lho. Para lelaki, jangan nggak pede sama wanita hebat. Kalian harusnya merasa tertantang untuk mampu menjadi pasangan ideal mereka. Kita semua ingin menjadi manusia yang lebih baik, bukan?

Dan itu artinya nggak usah lagi sepik-sepik sok bijak di urusan yang mungkin anda nggak mengerti. Itu artinya berusaha berempati dan bersimpati, bukannya malah "Harusnya yah…" Jadilah teman, bukan penjajah. Bisa kan?

The Pitchforks

I have to tune myself out from the election news because of the constant vitriol and name calling on my Facebook feed. Some who played it nicely would only vague-booking about how "Democracy matters" and how "Americans have spoken".

The exact same thing happened in Indonesia, where the supporters of the current president valiantly defend the president, and the people who oppose him vehemently denounced his presidency. Both have the same solid argument, both hate each other with vengeance.

We say we shouldn't judge. We say we should see people as people, more than just the stigma and past the propaganda. Yet we call each other in a way that if it's referred to other issues such as religion, we'll be considered insensitive or politically incorrect.

Republicans/Conservatives are people who hate immigrant, redneck idiot who worship the crassness of Trump and his goon, who have no respect of whatsoever to women's body, the egoistic selfish maniac who'll do anything for the good of themselves.

Democrats/Liberals are people who won't accept responsibilities, who thinks the world revolves around them and they deserve so much more than they actually worth, who leech off of other people's hard work, who denounce anything than inconvenience them.

In the same breath, this is exactly the same as saying Muslims are terrorist, Jewish are opportunist, immigrants are criminals, black people are violent, white people are supremacist, Southeast Asian is gold digger, people with HIV have a questionable lifestyle, gays are bad, straights are homophobic, and the list goes on.

We can waste our breath debating on whether or not the accusation is true, a debate that will change nobody's mind. Or we can do better: ask yourself what are you fighting for? Are you fighting for what you think it is right, or are you blindly defending your group by reducing the worth of your opponent?

For some, what I write won't matter because of my stance on immigration. I have been labeled as Trump supporter, so to speak. For others, what I write won't matter because I am an immigrant. I have been labeled as a leech and I don't have any right to speak about the US.

Yet this is what I see. I see people vehemently defending their group and their belief without trying to understand what and how other people think. Not just US, but all around the world. One side will win, but at what cost? The cost will be buried ember ready to burst into fiery anger when the time comes.

Democracy is not about winning or losing, it is not about being right or wrong. Democracy is a system of government by the whole population, which means even your opponent has the right to say on the matter, which means you can't just shut them down by saying "You are stupid!" without trying to understand their concerns.

We can hate-vote. We can fear-vote. We can self-righteous-vote. Or we can vote by clearly and objectively considering which will bring the best of the people, and the consequences that will happen. We can vote for what we believe, not to attack others.

Sure, the other group did it first. But you do not live with 'the other group'. You live with yourself. In times, what you believe can and will change. Being civil and understanding is not done for other, it's done for you. You can do that or be trapped in the shallow muddy pool of stigma, sinking deeper into unpleasantness and anger towards others. Your call.

Dear Self

Dear Self,

You don't owe him any explanation

If he thinks you are a bad person

Then yes, to him you will always be

You don't owe him your story

If he thinks you are making things up

Then yes, to him you will always be

You don't owe him your assurance

If he can't see how much you love him

Then yes, to him it'll never be enough

You don't have to beg him to stay

If he doesn't think you will worth it

Then yes, to him you will never be

You can cry but please know it's ok

Respect his free will and respect yours

It will be ok, I promise you that

Dear Self, I love you.