Spoil Yourself To Success

Last night I went for a dinner with a friend at a Japanese restaurant in downtown LA. Thin slices of albacore and seared tuna beautifully presented on a long glass plate, delectable vegetable tempura and savory chili edamame, a sushi roll with his namesake – which we order just for that reason, and a friend whom I talked to all night long. I was spoiled.

Sometimes I went through with life so harshly and so determined I forget what it feels like to be spoiled. I don't think I had many occasions where I was spoiled as well. Life spoiled me. God spoiled me. I have had nothing but ease and happiness throughout my years. Well, mostly. But from real life people, not so much; from myself, hardly ever.

And I should do that more often. Instead of going every week(end) eating out at a restaurant, I should just chill and aim to dine at a fancy one, the ones where I will feel special, where eating there will create a feeling of achievement. Instead of buying clothes on every sale, I should save up and spoil myself by buying designer things that I otherwise won't buy. Instead of $19 ticket to the opera, I should aim to get a better seat or even a subscriber's package. I can do so many, so many things to spoil myself, and I should.

Why? Because I am worth it.

Life sucks, and life's hard. I don't need dinner the cost of 1/3 of my rent. I don't need shoes the cost of 1/4 of my rent. I don't need show tickets the cost of 1/2 of my rent. I need to pay rent, period. But you know what else I need? Self-worth. Self-confidence. Gratuity. I need to remind myself I am worth it, that I deserve all the fancy things in life. And yes, I need to remind myself where I want to be in life. 

Once I hit the point where all the fancy things become normal, I'll aim even higher. Straight up Broadway plays in New York instead of at The Music Center. Michelin-star restaurants or a visit to the home country of the food I like. Donning expensive clothes that make me look special, and feel special. And once I achieved those milestone, time to aim even more higher.

When will it end? It should never end. It doesn't mean that I should be a snob that wants nothing but what I set as 'standard', it means setting a goal and be rewarded for it. In this case, the goal is the reward itself. It sounds so hedonistic and so wrong, yet in a way, it is so right. There is nothing wrong with wanting to show your worth. Laboring and toiling are great, but once in a while, we need to remember our true worth, as nobody else will do it for us.

Spoiling yourself means you are willing to give more, to pay more for yourself – a surefire way to increase your confidence. It is dangerous when it became a mere pity party, where you reward yourself for failure or to compensate the feeling that you just can't. Spoiling yourself should feel rewarding, but should never put you in a bad situation. In another word, if you can't afford it now, work your butt off till you can afford it, then you totally deserve it. If you can afford it now but it doesn't feel special, aim higher.

Sitting there in my 9-5 job and a stack of bills to pay makes it too easy for me to focus on only one thing: staying alive. But life is more than just staying alive. It is about living the life itself. I don't want to spend my life being the meek little mouse with secure nest but never knowing what I am worth, satisfied with second best because I don't believe I deserve only the very best. Sorry, but I refuse to be that woman. I worth more than that. Spoiled life, here I come.